Guilt-Free Homeschooling

New home

2010-08-04T18:06:00.001-05:00

Hello there, this is Carolyn's sys admin (ie; tech person). We just finished a move from Blogger to WordPress and new hosting. This post is to help you find the new home and hope you'll subscribe to the feed there for extra added awesome.

Come see at Guilt Free homeschooling.

The Importance of Play in Education

2005-09-21T14:28:00.001-05:00

Back in the days when my children were toddlers and our home resembled a Fisher-Price obstacle course, I used to envy a local toy lending library. What if I could follow that method at home and keep all toys, books, and other childhood paraphernalia sorted into locked cabinets, allowing my "patrons" to borrow only three items per week? The restrictions could be expanded to enforce the replacement of all playthings after 5:00 pm and prohibit their removal before 9:00 am the next morning. Nothing would be allowed to remain on the floor in major traffic paths, puzzle pieces would never be lost (or eaten), and life would be peaceful and pleasant. That, however, was only a daydream, and like nearly all daydreams, it is not compatible with reality.

As messy as playtime can become, I have learned to see the tremendous value in it for education. When I enrolled my son in public Kindergarten (yes, that was a mistake, but I remedied it the following year), the teacher spent a brief time with each child and assessed their skills. She praised me for having given my son so many different experiences, from trips to the zoo to reading books to him. She praised his ability to use scissors, crayons, markers, and paintbrushes with relative proficiency. She said he ranked far above some of her previous students in his knowledge and talents. Silly me, all this time I had thought that was what parents were supposed to do with their children. What has filled the past five years, if a child entering Kindergarten has never used crayons or sat on a lap to hear a story?

I have friends who have recently returned from several years as missionaries in Africa. In hearing the mundane details of their daily routines, I began to see deeper into the value of children's playtime. The toys I used to dread picking up day after day are not available to most African-bush children or to the poorer children of any culture. The education supplied by what we consider to be simple toys was demonstrated in the adult man who was employed as household help for this missionary family. He worked for them for several years and yet never could master the task of stacking the bowls, pans, or containers in the kitchen cupboards. The colorful, nesting cups that my children stacked into towers, knocked over, nested together, dumped out, and stacked again had not played a foundational role in this man's education. As a result, he was not familiar with a concept that is so incredibly common to most of us. This gap in his education left him confused as to how to successfully arrange the kitchenware with largest on the bottom and smallest on the top. Repeated demonstrations and instructions did not help. His lack of experience in the early years had left a seemingly permanent mark.

Just as adults can become bored with doing the same repetitive tasks over and over, children also appreciate variety in their playtime. If I can belabor the nesting cups topic just a bit longer, any variety within that task will act to further the child's understanding of the nesting concept, whether various shapes of cups (round, square, hexagonal, etc.) or different types of stackable items (paper cups, Mom's measuring cups with handles, or an assortment of empty shoe boxes in graduated sizes). Other types of toys expand upon this same nesting principle: stacking colored rings onto a peg in size order, nesting dolls, even shape-sorter toys combine the principle of matching with nesting the object into its coordinating hole. Likewise, variety enriches lessons of all types for older children; hands-on learning goes much farther than simply breaking up the boredom.

Children learn from the moment they take their first breath, from learning how to express discomfort and that their expression results in someone's attention to those needs, to observing how others around them eat, speak, walk, and draw pictures. Toy tools give early practice to the budding carpenters, just as toy kitchens help to prepare the future cooks. Puzzles teach problem solving, fine-tune motor skills, and improve observation and memory skills. Dolls offer children "parenting" opportunities, from dressing the baby to cuddling and comforting. Art and craft materials broaden a child's ability to express his ideas, improve motor coordination, and satisfy the grandparents' need for something to put on the refrigerator door. Stop for a moment to ponder the educational gaps in the child who grows up without any of these "playtime" skills.

It has been said that "play is a child's work," and there are many aspects where that is true. Children work hard at their playtime, often becoming physically exhausted through their efforts and needing a rest from playtime. We should also expect that they will experience mental fatigue when they have been engrossed in play tasks that require thinking and problem solving, such as nesting the boxes mentioned above (for the littlest ones) or assembling a jigsaw puzzle (for somewhat older children).

Moms and Dads, although your family's collection of playthings may never seem to stop growing and rarely seems to be out from underfoot, be assured that those toys are serving a very valuable purpose in your little ones' lives. The more experiences you can offer your children with widely varied play activities, including problem solving concepts or art and craft materials, the better equipped your children will be when it comes time for them to delve into "real" learning experiences.

[See also Sorting Toys Is Algebra]

Homeschooling the Neighborhood

2005-09-16T13:01:00.000-05:00

In my state it is not legal for me to officially homeschool children who are not members of my immediate family. However, we did sometimes include neighborhood playmates in our activities, particularly in the summertime when "just another day to play" can tend to be somewhat boring. We did not always do formal lessons through the summer, but we did incorporate fascinating, fun, and educational activities into the relaxed playtime of summer.

Summer was a time when I could devote more of my time to planning or preparing a study or activity for later use. I found that I could also give something a "test run" by trying it out on the kiddies -- if they enjoyed a taste of it, chances are they would enjoy a more in-depth look during the school year, and perhaps even the children in our larger co-op group would be interested in it, too. So what do you do when your own children are not quite enough for the activity you would like to try out? Let the neighbors join in. Several times, I prepared a fun, yet interesting and educational activity for my own children to do on a boring summer day, only to find that their neighborhood friends were just as interested in breaking the monotony of swinging and bicycling.

Such was the case when I did extensive research and calculations to examine exactly what size an effective solar-system model should be. I have seen many of the science-fair-type of planetary exhibits made from Styrofoam balls, assorted fruits, or sports balls, but I had always felt that I was not seeing an accurate portrayal from those. While my children were spending their summertime swinging, roller-blading, or just relaxing with a novel, I was delightedly poring over scientific facts and punching furiously at my calculator -- a welcome change for me from the usual Mom-fare of laundry and dishes. When I finally trooped outside with my notebook of figures, a large measuring tape, and crude signposts mounted on popsicle sticks, my participants were not merely my own offspring, but their eager friends as well, who jumped at the chance to be included in measuring our lawn and placing the markers for each planet's orbit. Never was one of my summer projects met with an "I already learned that at school" or a "This is vacation -- I don't want to learn anything" response from the children who were not my regular students. Whenever we needed some extra "classmates" for our learning games, there were always ready and eager volunteers.

One day I prepared the "geeWhiz Quiz" for my children, intending it to double as both a math activity and a scavenger hunt. I also secretly hoped that their time spent searching through the game closet would spur some interest in long-forgotten table games and interest them in playing a few of those again. I explained the process of the activity to them while a friend from the neighborhood was present. She seemed deeply disappointed that I expected my children to do this activity later, after she would have returned home. I quickly copied another worksheet for her, and all three children happily spent the entire afternoon in arithmetical computations. My anticipated bonus also paid off: the trio did find several games that piqued their interest, and they kept themselves occupied for many days afterwards.

We often filled our front sidewalk with an extensive Dr. Seuss universe in colored chalk drawings or an ever-expanding circus train overflowing with acrobatic clowns and exotic animals (each new helper got to add his own train car). Our favorite cartoon book illustrations were faithfully copied over and over and over in sidewalk chalk creations. A cleansing overnight rain never brought disappointment, but instead it meant a clean slate for tomorrow. Time after time, the neighborhood children would see us sitting in the middle of the sidewalk and rapidly migrate to our front yard, picking up bits of chalk and asking what parts they could add to the growing mural. My children were not lacking in social contacts with age-mates, and they learned valuable lessons in teamwork and the sharing of ideas as well as supplies.

Being the only homeschool family in your area does not necessarily mean you will not have contacts with other students. We had many opportunities to share educational experiences with public and private school students who were eager to join us in doing things our way. The neighborhood parents knew they could expect our fun activities to have an educational benefit, and their children never seemed to mind it either.

A New Approach to Spelling-Word Lists

2005-09-06T13:42:00.000-05:00

I despise the way spelling is taught. I managed to get through the spelling workbooks that I had in school only because I was a word puzzle aficionado. When it came time to teach spelling to my own children, I became terribly frustrated. They did not instantly share my fascination for words or word puzzles. In fact, they found spelling workbooks to be very confusing and incredibly boring.

I remember spending hours as an early reader compiling my own lists of rhyming words and noticing that foot and boot appeared the same, but did not sound the same, which generated more lists. Writing all the possible combinations of certain sounds led me to a deep understanding of phonics rules and their applications. Exploration of prefixes and suffixes took me even further.

The public school method of test and retest used in the books we tried simply did not teach how to spell. Over the years, we abandoned the workbook pages and came up with our own methods for a spelling class. I emphasized prefixes, suffixes, Greek and Latin roots, and spelling patterns. Too often, the published spelling curricula grouped together words with nothing in common, ignoring the obvious patterns to be found.

I think that focusing on those patterns is an excellent way to learn spelling. Public school teachers have been told repeatedly in their college training classes that there are too many exceptions to too few rules. I disagree. I found a marvelous book called The ABC's and All Their Tricks, which shows the patterns, the words sharing those patterns, and explains the origins of those patterns. It is a wonderful reference work -- which finally explained to me how "w" can be used as a vowel.

Your lists of words can follow phonics rules or come from pre-prepared lists, such as the weekly lists found in spelling workbooks or from grade-level-specific lists. Another possibility for the avid reader is to compile his own list of unfamiliar words from his regular reading. Encourage your student to look up those words in the dictionary for origin, meaning, and pronunciation, and then incorporate them into your own customized spelling and vocabulary study program. My son expanded his own vocabulary by routinely browsing through the dictionary looking for new words.

My personal preference for learning a list of words would be to print out the chosen list (the time period for learning the words should be based upon your student's ability) and post it in a prominent place where it will be seen multiple times throughout each day. Study the spelling patterns and then use repeated observation to cement the correct spelling into the brain. The student can use those words as the basis for exploring various art mediums: alphabet rubber stamps, calligraphy pens, or paper collage (cut and paste letters from newspapers and magazines). Bring out the letter tiles and cards from various table games and assemble all of the words from the current spelling list. If you have students who share my love of word puzzles (bless them!), challenge them to create their own puzzles -- making the puzzles will teach much more than simply solving a puzzle will.

Daily observation can teach much more than we realize. Frank Gilbreth, the real-life father of Cheaper by the Dozen fame (stick with the book or 1950's movie), painted information on the bathroom walls for his children to absorb while they performed their daily bathing and brushing rituals. After completing Morse code charts, Dad painted silly coded messages in various places around the house, fully expecting his children to translate them -- and they did.

Repetition and drill by themselves are painfully boring, but when used creatively can become an enjoyable way to learn without wasting endless hours in rote memorization. Use what you have around your house and come up with clever new ways for your students to study the words they are learning.

Limiting "Worldly" Vocabulary

2005-08-30T11:40:00.000-05:00

It happened again. I was sitting with a group of believers, enjoying the fellowship, and it happened. Someone felt it was necessary and strangely appropriate to share a "funny story" that included vulgar language or references to vulgar topics. Uncomfortable faces dotted the circle as a few people looked at the floor, others smirked, and a few let slip some mostly stifled laughter.

I have been in many home fellowships, organized church groups, Christian conferences, and just about any other form of Christian gathering you can think of. In every setting, sooner or later, someone uses language he should not or brings up a topic that is better left untouched. I am not trying to be an extremist or self-righteous: there are a couple of carelessly used slang words that I am trying to purge from my own vocabulary. However, I am more willing to extend grace to the new believer than I am to the Christian who is "old enough to know better." When the offending party is not a brand-new believer, but instead is a pastor, study leader, or other semi-mature believer, I cannot help but be saddened by the influence of the world on a Godly person.

I was appalled into a speechless stupor one night as two men whom I had (until this point) admired as dedicated Christians held a casual discussion on which obscenities had become mere slang terms in our culture and which ones they considered to still be true swear words. Not only did I consider this to be a completely inappropriate discussion, but it also was neither encouraging nor edifying to the other members of the Body of Christ who were present. To say I was offended by their behavior would be a gross understatement. I deeply regret being shocked beyond words -- I wished that I (or anyone present) had had the fortitude to speak a word of rebuke.

As Christians, we are admonished not to conform to the world (Romans 12:2) and not to speak unwholesome words (Ephesians 4:29). Therefore, I was greatly encouraged by my own homeschool mentor who, years ago, told me that she had required her family to substitute less-offensive words for what she considered "worldly" terms: words for certain bodily functions, topics that should not be brought up in public gatherings, "mild" swear words -- the things that many Christians say just because "everyone else" does.

I find this language among professing Christians to be not only offensive, but it also has the effect of bringing us down to the level of the world. We can effectively communicate without having to stoop to the level of the world -- we do not have to use their vocabulary. We all should have learned by an early age that certain topics are best discussed in private or in the doctor's office, and Jesus encouraged us to let our "yes" and "no" mean exactly that, so that we do not have to reinforce them with stronger words.

Our presence as representatives of Jesus in this world is to be as salt (either adding flavor or bringing healing) and light (vanquishing the darkness). Nowhere in scripture are we advised to lower ourselves to the standards of the world. However, we are urged to build up the Body of Christ and encourage each other in the faith (Hebrews 3:13; 1 Thessalonians 5:11). Our prudent choice of words will help.

"Mystery Boxes" and the Scientific Method

2005-08-26T09:39:00.000-05:00

My daughter had an interesting exercise in her college chemistry lab which we modified for use at home and again later for a group science class. It is a lesson in using experimentation to make a hypothesis (first guess) and then prove whether or not that theory is correct. These directions tell how we adapted it for a co-op class with two dozen 7-12th graders. If you want to do it at home for only 1 or 2 students, you will obviously only need one set of Mystery Boxes.

Matching Mystery Boxes were prepared in advance for each team of students: an item or group of matching items were placed into a cardboard box that was large enough to allow the items to roll around freely. (Sizes and shapes of boxes may differ, and the contents may vary in quantity to increase difficulty for advanced students.) The box edges were taped shut, and each box was marked with an identifying number. Teams of 4-6 students were each given a set of six boxes to test, and the students were instructed to use the Scientific Method to determine what was inside each box.

When a student picked up a box, he wrote down the number of the box and his hypothesis of what he thought might be inside, then proceeded to tip, shake, rattle, and listen to prove or disprove his theory and make a conclusion. Each box was passed around to teammates to see if they all came to the same conclusion. When each team had completed its series of several boxes, the boxes were opened to reveal their true contents. Teams were to be as certain as possible of their determinations and not show the contents to other teams. Sample items used in the Mystery Boxes were paper clips, a pencil, marbles, coins, or a large eraser (only one type of item per box). You may choose to use items that are more difficult for older students: several cotton swabs, large rubber bands, pencils in one box and pens in another, a spoon, etc.

The items should be common to everyone, but they are in uncommon circumstances, making them surprisingly tricky to identify. Do we really notice the differences in sounds made by coins and paper clips? How can I determine if the object in this box is a pencil or a pen? Why does the object in this box roll easily this way but seems to slide that way? A delicate touch is needed to tip the box slightly and make a pencil roll slowly enough to hear its six sides or discern its eraser end from the pointed lead end; extreme concentration is required for hearing a few large rubber bands slide softly across their box.

Tips for the Mystery Boxes lesson:
-- All Mystery Boxes should be prepared in advance by the teacher so that students have no clue what is inside.
-- Objects should be ordinary, common objects, familiar to students.
-- Use only one type of item in each box (i.e. do not mix pencils and pens in the same box).
-- Objects should roll, slide, or move easily if shaken. Do not use a single tissue, cotton ball, or similar (relatively weightless) object which cannot be sensed in the box.
-- Boxes should be large enough to allow objects to roll or slide freely: front to back, side to side, up and down.
-- Boxes should be securely sealed to prevent objects from falling out or students from peeking in.
-- Multiple items should be used if a single item alone will not have enough identifiable characteristics (a single coin will not be as effective as multiple coins).
-- When preparing boxes for a large group class, separate the group into teams and have duplicate sets of boxes so that each team works on the same items. Number the boxes and keep a (hidden) list of their contents to prevent confusion. (All boxes marked #1 contain pencils, all #2 boxes contain rubber bands, etc.)
-- Various sizes and shapes of boxes will keep team members focused on their own boxes: "Our #1 box is large and flat, while their #1 box is smaller and taller; they probably don't contain the same things." The order of testing the boxes is up to each team: they do not have to proceed in numerical order.
-- A set of six boxes (per team) kept each team of five to six students busy for an hour testing, comparing, and discussing. When a team declared that they knew what was in a specific box, I did not lie about the contents, but slyly asked, "Are you sure?" to keep them reasoning and retesting for a longer time.
-- I did not tell students what types of items to expect; they were told only "common, everyday objects." Students had to use their own knowledge to decide what was inside.
-- Students must depend on hearing alone (cannot see or feel box contents). Tipping and shaking each box is acceptable, but squeezing or crushing the box to feel its contents is not permitted.
-- Thinking skills become better developed as this exercise progresses. Students should test all boxes, and then go through them again, using the knowledge gained throughout the testing process in retesting each box.
-- Students may compare the characteristics of boxes with each other (i.e. this box sounds more like coins than that box does).
-- Provide paper and pencils for students to write down their hypotheses, reasoning, and conclusions. This is the essential portion of the lesson: learning how to write down their process of experimentation. Students may use their own notebooks, or you may choose to make form-style "lab sheets," but writing down the process changes this from an entertaining party game into a profitable science lesson.

[For more information on cooperative classes and group activities, visit our Topical Index section on Co-op Groups.]

What Makes a "Bad" Co-op Class?

2005-08-24T15:23:00.000-05:00

It has been my experience that a "good" teacher can present any information to any group of students with success. Why? Because the "good" teacher knows how to reach the audience. When things go wrong, and classes turn "bad," there are usually a few common elements.

1 -- A teacher (whether a parent from the group or a guest speaker) with a condescending attitude toward the students (or toward any other parents who may be present) will ruin the atmosphere of cooperation your group has worked so hard to establish.

2 -- The material is too time-consuming. A full-year class (such as geometry), if your class meets only twice a month, will attempt to cover too much information during each class period. Some students may have difficulty keeping up.

3 -- Too much (or mandatory) homework may conflict with the student's regular schedule of classes at home. Again, some students may have difficulty keeping up.

4 -- Do not expect all students to be on the same level. Some students may be well experienced in the subject matter, while others may be brand new to the topic, regardless of the age group.

5 -- A public school format will be foreign and uncomfortable to homeschoolers who are used to self-directed learning or unschooling methods. (Do not expect all homeschooled children to sit quietly and raise their hands to speak.)

6 -- Avoid anything that ridicules or excludes those students who cannot keep up.

7 -- Presenting material in a boring manner (such as lecture only) will be less preferable to hands-on, interactive methods.

8 -- Too large or too small of an idea will not work well in the time allotted.

9 -- Focusing on the wrong age group will keep the class from being effective. Be sure students are not too old or too young for the type of information presented.

10 -- Separating students to work independently (by themselves, not in small groups) defeats the purpose of a co-op group class. Individual work can be done at home; the large group provides the benefits of multiple views and perspectives. (In a class such as creative writing, students may do some of their work at home and then bring examples to class to share with the group and discuss their progress.)

Co-op classes should always be considered as supplemental to each family's home education schedule, unless other arrangements have been made with all participating families prior to the class itself. Consideration for the students' interests and abilities will turn any homeschool class period into an adventure, whether the class is in your home with a few children or in a large group setting. Opportunities for casual interaction among students will make your co-op class a memorable and enjoyable experience for all.

[For more information on cooperative classes and group activities, visit our Topical Index section on Co-op Groups.]

Co-op Classes: The Good, the Bad, & the Ugly

2005-08-17T11:33:00.000-05:00

Based on my experience, the most important thing to remember when teaching a co-op class is to keep focused on the students and on what they are taking away from the class. I have taught many co-op classes, covering a wide range of subject areas. I have sat in on other Mom's classes while acting as an assistant (read: crowd control) or just eavesdropped from afar, and my children have told me about other classes in great detail. Over all, the most successful classes have been the ones that focused on the students, providing them with a larger perspective that they could not obtain in the smaller setting of their home situation. For success with any classes you do, seek to present material that is more easily demonstrated in a larger group than at home with only a few students -- the things that are difficult to do at home are the things that are appreciated most in co-op groups.

One of the groups we belonged to included a Mom who would occasionally come up with what she considered to be a "great idea" and proceed to plan it all herself and present the class. Her independence and initiative were never the problem, but often the ideas were things that had worked well in her home with her one child, and they did not succeed in the large group setting of co-op day. She would pick a storybook to read aloud to the primary grades and serve snacks that had been mentioned in the book, or have the children make a craft that applied somehow to the story. At home, the children could have snuggled close to Mom during the story and helped in preparing the snacks. The large group required the children to sit as an audience and try to see the pictures as the book was held up in front of the group. The snacks had been previously prepared (for convenience) and were served to the children as they sat around a long cafeteria table. Elements for any story-related craft projects were also prepared in advance for the convenience of controlling a large group around scissors and glue, but leaving the children to experience all the creativity of picking up Piece A and sticking it to Piece B. The great idea for connecting the student to the story was lost in the crowd, and suddenly the homeschool activity took on a very classroom atmosphere, complete with admonitions to sit still and not talk. Just because someone has spent time organizing an activity does not make it a worthwhile group activity or even guarantee that it will be enjoyable for the participants.

There are some projects that can work equally well both at home with only one student or in the mass assembly of a co-op group. One high-school-aged boy was very interested in aerodynamics and presented a brief talk to the entire group on the basic principles of flight. He then passed out inexpensive, purchased kits for each child to decorate a simple, but durable Tyvek kite. Once the kites were properly adorned with crayons and markers, a few more instructions followed on assembling the kites, and we all trooped outdoors to a large field for flying lessons. Any parents and older children with kite-flying experience were in high demand, running from child to perplexed child, getting the kites to lift off and sail on the breeze. While I have always enjoyed flying a kite or two with my own youngsters, the sight of 50-60 kites all aloft at once was spectacular!

I had produced a trivia game for my children, using basic information on the fifty states of the U.S.A. While it worked fine as a family board game, we were able to change the rules a bit and revamp the scoring system, enabling us to play the game with our large group of middle-school-aged students. I carefully divided up the roster of students ahead of time to balance it for introverts and extroverts, older and younger, regular attendees and likely no-shows, giving me four relatively equal teams. Study materials were made available so that everyone had a fair chance, and we assembled to play the game -- TV game show-style. It was such a hit with parents and students alike that we continued it for several sessions. The outcome of this highly entertaining venture was that the students learned a great deal: research skills from studying the materials, memorization of historical and geographical facts, teamwork as they conferred over which answer to give, leadership and submission as only the Captain of each team could offer the answer. The only person not incredibly thrilled by my ingenuity was the Mom who taught the same students vocal music immediately following my time period. You see, I had not considered that aspect and foolishly handed out prizes of candy bars and lollipops -- which the children did not save for lunch break (as I had so naively imagined) but promptly popped into their mouths on their way to her class. She later kindly, but firmly explained to me that it was quite difficult to produce the proper notes through throats coated with sugar and with sucker-sticks protruding from mouths. Oops. In future sessions, I cautioned my contestants not to eat their rewards until after lunch, under penalty of Mrs. Musicteacher beating me to a pulp and thereby cutting off their supply of contraband goodies.

Our group had the wonderful asset of a few parents who were involved in local community theater. Their personal dedication in transferring their experience to our co-op group allowed our students to put on wonderful productions. Those families spent their summer afternoons reading piles of scripts, searching for something appropriate to our group's ages and abilities. The result was a fantastic treasure trove of undiscovered talents as young actors, singers, and stagehands found their niches. Scenery and props were created by students, and costumes became cooperative efforts among the Moms who swapped fabrics, trims, and patterns.

We also were blessed by the athletic abilities of parents who not only taught a team sport, but also took our students a step further by hosting an invitational homeschool tournament. Even the students who chose not to play on the sports team learned hospitality and organizational skills. Other homeschool co-op groups came from across our state to participate, and all of our students and parents had some hard choices between working shifts at the concession stand and cheering on players in the games.

Older students can assist your group through child-care, but be cautious around a student who prefers to "hide" in the nursery, rather than interact with the larger group. The student can easily slip through the cracks by excluding him/herself from group activities, when it may only take a little gentle encouragement to bring that student out of his/her shell. Many loners secretly desire to interact, but are afraid of rejection. A girl in our group was too shy to join in with the students her age for any activities we sponsored, and her mother arranged for her to do child-care for a nearby women's group that met during the same time as our homeschool co-op classes. My desire was to see the girl overcome her shyness and be drawn in more to the high school group, but she continually withdrew herself to the point that her family dropped completely out of our group. Our loss as well as hers.

When families do participate in group activities, you can expect some changes to occur. Wallflowers often come out of their shells, and you get to watch them discover many previously hidden talents. New families may join your group for its advantages and fellowship opportunities. Some families may protest (to the point of leaving) any changes or any style of activities that they do not like. Be sensitive, but do not become doormats. The few should not dictate to the many.

What is your objective in offering a co-op class: to present material that is more easily demonstrated in a larger group than at home with only a few students, or to entertain a group of children for a few hours offering little or no educational value whatsoever? Personally, I have traveled great distances with my children to participate in co-op activities, whether classes or field trips, rising extra-early and packing sack lunches for the day's excursion. When the effort provided a tremendous boost to their understanding, it was all worth it. On the other hand, some activities were nothing more than a waste of gasoline and cost us dearly in precious time away from our other studies. By sharing the good, the bad, and the ugly experiences we have endured, it is my desire that you will be able to turn all your co-op classes into good ones.

[For more information on cooperative classes and group activities, visit our Topical Index section on Co-op Groups.]

Vermont Family with Special Needs Child Requests Help

2005-08-11T16:11:00.000-05:00

Calling all Guilt-Free readers, especially those in the New England area. A family from Vermont has emailed me, requesting information about homeschooling their special needs child. While I can talk incessantly about homeschooling in general, I am at a serious lack when it comes to the special needs child. This particular case involves a non-verbal, autistic child with a preschool-level mental capacity. This family desperately wants to keep their child at home and to educate her as best they can under their own loving protection. If any of you can give input to this family, here is your chance. The comment box below is ready for you, or you can email me through the link on the left, and I will pass your information along to the family. Thank you so much for helping.

Are You Ready for a Challenge? Pan-states!

2005-08-08T13:49:00.000-05:00

We underestimate the life-long effect homeschooling can have on students. As homeschool parents, we demonstrate fractions by cutting up brownies or "drawing" in yogurt. We take science class into the backyard with a magnifying glass and carefully ignite dry leaves with the sun's rays or peek into the miniature world of creatures existing beneath our feet. We see lesson applications everywhere we go in life and in everything we do. And then we are still somewhat surprised when we see our students continuing their educational adventures long after our "homeschooling" days are over. My son is a prime example.

My son and his girlfriend were spending the weekend with my daughter, and my son began making breakfast for his sister and his very adorable, pancake-loving girlfriend. Being the unstoppable comedian that he is, the pancakes began taking on shapes other than the usually simple, but somewhat boring round disks. It soon became a breakfast geography challenge to "name that state" as Iowa, Utah, New York, and New Jersey each took shape on the griddle. Hawaii was an obvious success, but the sharply angled states were a little more difficult to discern. The name "Pan-states" preceded a rush to do states having panhandles: Florida and Oklahoma leading the way. The entire process was soon overridden with such hilarious laughter that attempting to swallow food was not a safe activity.

What doting parents have not treated their little ones to bunny-eared pancakes or a breakfast tribute to Mickey Mouse? I have been well acquainted with shaped pancakes in the past, but this was a new concept for me. Even the cakes I shaped like my children's initials seem quite tame by comparison now. Pan-states -- pancake batter dribbled into shapes roughly (very roughly) resembling U.S. states. It brings a whole new dimension to breakfast.

Homeschooling Is Hard Work

2005-08-01T09:53:00.000-05:00

As a young man, my father-in-law built houses. I doubt if he would have called it easy, and I think I could go so far as to say that building a house is hard work. But I am also quite sure he would have called it satisfying work, enjoyable work, and well worth the required effort. I watched him one day as he walked into my neighbor's home, looked around a bit at the structural lines, and said, "Yep, I built this one." The frame was many decades older, remodeling projects had changed a wall here and there, and the latest occupants had never seen it in its prime, but the master craftsman could still recognize his work.

Many things we do each day can be considered enjoyable and satisfying, even though they also fall into the category of hard work. Stripping the bed linens and stuffing them into the washing machine can be a chore, especially when bedrooms and laundry room are several floors apart. Carrying a basket of wet sheets outdoors and hanging them on the clothesline is also not an effortless task, but the sun-dried scent of clean cotton defies description. The delight of lying down upon cool, crisp bedding after a wearying day somehow trivializes the amount of work it took to accomplish the task.

Homeschooling your children is hard work. In the midst of this grueling task, we often have to remind ourselves of what our goal is and how much we will appreciate the reward when that job has been well done. Homeschooling can be either complicated or simplified in many ways, based on the tools we choose to use and the extravagance of the details we decide to add. If we have chosen the proper equipment to fit our task, we can progress smoothly -- some days barely working up a sweat. At other times, we may compare our progress to hanging pictures with a sledgehammer and railroad spikes -- it will get the job done, but the results may be less than desirable.

From time to time I found our homeschool "product" becoming less than satisfactory: the children were not learning the material as easily as I had anticipated, some or all of us were frustrated with the presentation of material, or some or all of us became bored with the materials, the lesson format, or schooling in general. Those were the times when teaching and/or learning were becoming hard work, with few rewards to maintain our focus or enjoyment of the task.

The first time this happened, we were brand new to homeschooling. I had purchased an all-in-one language arts program that was becoming very popular with the other homeschoolers I knew. My daughter looked at the material with some apprehension, but faithfully gave it a try. Day after day, we worked together on the lessons, and day after day she became more frustrated. One part of the lessons required me to dictate a story excerpt to her while she transcribed it into a notebook. As simple as that seemed in theory, it was tremendously difficult in practice. As we pressed on through increasingly trying days, I began to analyze the process, hoping to determine what was making this so hard. After all, the homeschool families I had talked with told me how their children progressed from one lesson to the next without difficulty -- what were we doing wrong? Our first two months of homeschooling made us question our motives along with our sanity: how could we possibly continue on this path for an entire year, let alone multiple years?

It finally became evident that we were following the instructions accurately as laid out by the curriculum's publisher, but their plan of action for this particular subject just did not fit our needs at this time. Heart-to-heart discussions with my daughter revealed what she was hoping to receive from homeschooling. Her public school classrooms had too few books to go around, and the students were required to copy their lessons into notebooks instead of writing directly in the workbooks. My daughter's vision of homeschooling included being allowed to write in her very own workbook! I grabbed my stack of curriculum catalogs, and together we read through the descriptions, looking for a program that would meet her expectations besides providing the basic grade level instruction. As soon as the parcel-delivery service brought the desired package, our homeschool days underwent an amazing transformation. My student had her first personal work-text to write in, without any reprimands for doodling in the margins or plastering each completed page with "job well-done" stickers, gold stars, and smiley faces. The stigma of her public school experience was suddenly vanquished, and she became an overnight homeschooling enthusiast. We were no longer bashing the walls with sledgehammer and oversized spikes: we had the proper tools for our job.

Houses do not get built in a day (except through the "magic" of television), and children do not obtain an education overnight. Homeschooling takes dedication, hard work, and a little sweat, but hopefully not too many tears. While still in the midst of your mission, you can look around to see what has been accomplished so far, and from that obtain the encouragement needed to see this project through to completion. The reward will come when one day you look at the finished product and recognize a job well done.

How to Come Up with Co-op Classes

2005-07-25T13:46:00.000-05:00

You and your fellow homeschoolers are interested to cooperating together to do some group activities or classes, but you wonder where you can find ideas for the best classes for your particular blend of students?

1 -- Borrow ideas from other sources, then modify those ideas to fit your group.
Start with my list, talk to other homeschoolers and other groups, browse through homeschooling websites, or just let your mind wander. Adapt things to a larger or smaller scale to fit your group's students. Scale back information for your younger students, or expand the scope for your older students.

2 -- Poll families in your group for ideas, suggestions, and abilities.
Whether you hand out informal surveys at a Moms' Meeting or request that members call your "idea committee" with their suggestions, learning the desires of your member families (parents and students) will provide a good starting list: I'd enjoy a group class about... I have trouble teaching... I'd like my kids to know more about... Brainstorming sessions with other parents and students can bring up a surprising amount of information: I have this hobby... I know how to... I know a person who can do...

3 -- Favorites and standby's
-- Our group tried to do a musical or play or a program of vocal music each year, rehearsing throughout a semester. This type of activity is a favorite both with students and parents: the children enjoy it as a fun, non-textbook experience, and the parents love seeing their children blossom with newfound confidence and abilities that may be difficult to impart at home.
-- Team sports were another regular standby, allowing the students to continue developing their abilities in basketball or volleyball. Players and non-players alike benefited from seeing teamwork in action. Non-players were recruited into supporting roles for managing competitions and concession stands.
-- Many of our families felt writing was their weakest area of teaching, so we tried to have some form of writing classes each year: journalism, creative writing, poetry, novel writing, etc. The group classes provided the students with friendly, non-threatening competition and a wonderful melting pot of ideas.
-- Art classes were another favorite among the students, and we had several Moms who were able and willing to give basic instructions.

4 -- Strive to provide the areas that are difficult to do/organize.
Some things are worthy of your efforts, even though they are not easily done, spur of the moment events. Yearly photos and testing are examples of events that require no talent other than organization from your member pool. Often with events like these, many parents are needed for traffic-flow, crowd-control, or just to serve as room monitors. A parent who shies from the task of teaching a large group of students may not hesitate at making the series of phone calls required to set up an event led by someone else.
-- Science (group lab experiences)
-- Hands-on history (field trips or special events)
-- Standardized testing
-- "School" photos

5 -- Utilize or follow the natural inclinations of your group's students.
Aeronautics, fashion history, and journalism were the strong interests of some of our students. We often allowed an older student to teach a single session class in his favorite field, sharing his knowledge and interest with the others. We took field trips and held multiple session classes to explore other favorite fields and spread the enthusiasm around to other students.

6 -- This is a good idea; let's find a way to teach it.
Discover your "growing edge" by daring to tackle something new. I have been a fan of the space program ever since NASA launched their first manned rocket, but I never dreamed I would lead dozens of children on a virtual trip into space! One Mom suggested it, we asked a few questions, did a little research, made a few phone calls, and I soon found myself spearheading an endeavor taking upper elementary through high school students on a space shuttle simulation trip to the moon. The hard part was all handled by professionals at a science museum, and I just coordinated the logistics of dozens of parents and their students (with my daughter's capable tutoring in computer databases), telling them who had to be where at what time. It was a great idea, and we found the way to make it happen.

Another time I mentioned an educational game my children enjoyed playing, and asked if anyone else would be interested in it. Suddenly I was challenged with revamping the table game into a team sport, building a scoreboard, and posting the needed information to a website for the students to download. Again, we had a good idea and modified it to fit our group.

7 -- Do not allow 1 or 2 dissenters to veto a perfectly good idea.
If you have majority support for the class, interested students, a willing and able teacher, and all the necessities (access to any required special materials or locations) for holding the class, then do it! One or two objectors should not be permitted to ruin a good opportunity for all the others by whining until they get their way. Encourage any who disagree with the idea to make alternate plans for the day, then proceed.

One time, children from a certain family were enthusiastically participating in a long-term group project when one aspect of it brought strong objections from their father. Those students withdrew, their vital positions were filled by other students, and the project was allowed to continue for the benefit of the group. However, I was very nervous for a while, worrying that the entire group could actually be forced to sacrifice their united efforts for the beliefs of one person.

Ideas for classes can come from the most unusual sources. Even the smallest of ideas can be expanded to fill an hour of time, and larger ideas can be spread over several meeting periods. Once you have an idea for a co-op class, talk to others in your group and see what they think. Do not be intimidated by a lack of experience. Everything was done for the "first" time sometime. Seek input for ideas, then seek help in transforming those ideas into reality. If the idea is good, surely you can find a way to make it work.

[For more detailed information on organizing co-op classes, see Co-op Classes: A Primer. For general information on cooperative classes and group activities, visit our Topical Index section on Co-op Groups.]

Homeschooling High School

2005-07-06T15:39:00.001-05:00

The prospect of Homeschool High leaves many parents trembling in fear. A cold sweat breaks out on the forehead of the new homeschooling mom who dares to envision life a few too many years down the road. Moms have little real difficulty teaching a child how to tie his shoes, but those same moms will often cringe at the very thought of teaching high school.

A good high-school-at-home plan can be easily set up by using the basic entrance requirements for college, whether your student wants to attend or not. The student's personal interests can be accommodated with some creative class development, and college-level classes can be utilized for high school and college credit at the same time through community colleges or distance learning programs.

If you have not been homeschooling previously, you will need to check your state's laws regarding legal homeschooling accountability. It is best to check with a reliable source such as http://www.hslda.org/ -- Home School Legal Defense Association -- for the actual laws in each state, since local school districts are often ignorant of their state's laws and can unintentionally mislead potential homeschoolers. Some states require you to file an "Intent to Homeschool" form with your school district; other states have no withdrawal procedure. Some states list which subjects must be taught in their homeschooling laws; others do not, meaning that there are no state-mandated requirements (i.e., Iowa lists no required subjects, but Pennsylvania has a detailed list).

You and your student need to decide if he is college-bound and what colleges are likely candidates. Check with those colleges and your state universities for a comparison of the basic admission requirements. Knowing how many years of math, science, English, and other classes are required for college admission will give you a basic plan for high school. Then, even if your student does not opt for college immediately after high school, you can still know that you have given him an excellent foundation for any future educational endeavors. I drew up a simple block chart with spaces for each grade (9th-12th) across the top and each subject area (math, English, science, social studies, and electives) down the sides. Then I penciled in our plan for what courses would be covered in which years. As I settled on specific books to use, those were also added to the spaces. It was a very basic guideline that changed several times over the years, but it gave us a place to start.

For a very rough outline of high school, begin with the basics of physical science (9th) and life science/biology (10th), a good foundational program for advanced grammar (9th and 10th) and the styles of composition writing (11th), algebra (9th), geometry (10th; Saxon Algebra 1 & 2 texts conveniently combine geometry with algebra in a clear and logical manner), world geography (9th), world history (10th), and American history (11th). Add in extra math and science courses when needed (11th and 12th), depending on your student's career goals and interests. Literature (12th) can be split into one semester of American authors and one semester of foreign authors. Half-year or semester classes in American government (12th) and economics (12th) help to prepare your student for life in an adult world, as will courses in personal finances, independent living skills, auto mechanics, or home economics. Music lessons do not need to be formal classes: regular participation in congregational singing at church meets my personal requirement for a vocal music class. Most homeschooled children are naturally active outdoors, so be sure to count their regular outdoor chores or recreational bicycling, roller-blading, or swimming as physical education.

Once you have a basic plan of the required classes for high school, you can tailor those requirements to your student's interests. My daughter became an ardent admirer of Abraham Lincoln as she focused her American history course around reading Presidential biographies. My son's personal interests exhibited themselves as he taught himself to play guitar with little or no involvement from others; I counted this as a legitimate "course," even though it did not have a textbook, a teacher, or an enrollment fee. The same principle applied to his learning percussion and earning a spot on the church worship team.

My daughter began working with tiny glass beads, threading them together into amazing patterns. A little internet research led her to animal designs, which she then strung together to form bracelets. She was making them for herself and as gifts for her friends, using the time as a relaxing diversion from her normal lessons. By the end of that year, she had designed so many intricate patterns herself that I gave her transcript-credit for "art projects." She also spent a great deal of "free" time researching the collection of antique clothing buttons she had inherited from her great-grandmother. As her knowledge of button history increased, so did her list of credits -- "Art History through Clothing Buttons." One of her goals in life is to be a judge for state and national competitions among button collectors, so this course was tailored specifically to her interest.

We had a hearing-impaired friend who usually "listened" by lip-reading, since few people sign. My son wanted to learn sign language as a favor to her, and when a local church offered a free night class, he enrolled. He later went on two mission trips to a boarding school for deaf children, vastly increasing his knowledge through immersion in the language. Two years of experience with American Sign Language has now been accepted by his college as his high school foreign language requirement.

Other homeschooled friends of ours have pursued their interests during high school as preparation for their chosen career fields: veterinary medicine, aviation, real estate, computer science, agriculture/farming, etc. Exposure to a variety of career options can be gained through field trips or informal interviews with acquaintances for the student who has not yet decided on a lifetime goal.

Certain shortcuts can be implemented to make progress possible in the high school subjects where a student has difficulty. Textbooks may seem boring or tedious to certain learners, so consider the possibility of letting them read biographies related to the subject or read through a text very quickly, perhaps in only a few weeks, and then moving on to the next subject. Many students would rather push through a boring subject quickly and get it over with than drag it out for an entire year. We used videos as an aid to reading high school literature, so that a story line could be absorbed without losing precious hours getting bogged down in a not-so-interesting book. My student was then required to read a portion of the book to get a feel for the author's writing style. The portion could be a page, a chapter, or even the entire book, based on the student's interest. (A supplemental discussion topic from this approach was "the variations from book to movie" and how or why those variations took place.) Our public library had videos for many literary "classics" that the local video rental store did not have. Journey to the Center of the Earth, Jane Eyre, and Oliver Twist were easy to follow on-screen, giving us the context of the story, which was then followed by reading a portion from the book to see how the author had put those scenes on paper. Reluctant readers will usually watch a movie, and even picky movie watchers will endure a change from their favorite genre for the class credit. My daughter was eager to read the equivalents of chick-flicks such as Sense and Sensibility. My son, however, was allowed the more action-packed selections of The Man in the Iron Mask and The Hunt for Red October. Ironically, a mix-up at the video store left my son watching Jane Eyre one day when he found it accidentally slipped into the case of his chosen rental and he did not want to give up his planned afternoon of movie-watching.

Lab work is required in some science classes, but lab work simply means hands-on learning and experimentation. Biology lab work can be accomplished by studying plants and animals through gardening and pet-care, or collecting wildflowers, tree leaves, or insects and identifying them through reference books obtained at the public library. Labs do not need expensive or complicated equipment in order to impart knowledge. I have heard of homeschoolers who scooped up fresh "road kill" to use for dissection (although I must admit my reaction is EW!). Even flowers and seeds can be dissected and examined to learn how their basic parts differ among species. Do not assume that learning at home means a second-rate education: the vast resources available on the internet put incredible amounts of knowledge right at our fingertips.

Before you protest that you did not do well yourself in high school, let me say that you now have a second chance. I know a Mom who wanted to read and discuss literature with her son, so she went to the public library and checked out two copies of a book at the same time: his and hers. I tackled the higher math lessons right along with my son, reasoning that if he became confused on a concept halfway through the book, I did not want him to have to wait around while I studied the last 30 lessons to be able to help him with the one that stumped him. Yes, these methods do mean more work for Mom, but they are excellent ways for your students to see education as a lifelong endeavor, and they provide common ground, a unique bond between you and your student -- goals I consider well worth the effort.

I have often advocated taking advantage of community college classes to complete the high school courses that may be more difficult to do at home: chemistry, physics, calculus, etc. My children were able to accumulate multiple college credits in this way while still in high school. One college counselor instructed me to specify the college classes on the students' high school transcripts as "a college class, taken on a college campus, from a college instructor, with other college students." College-level classes are often available at public high schools, but college administrators do not view them as identical to the classes taken in the actual college atmosphere.

However, there are a few things to be aware of before dropping your impressionable high school-aged students off at the college doorstep. The assignment expectations are often much greater than students usually handle in high school. The college "atmosphere" includes a vocabulary that is R-rated, not PG-13, and classmates with questionable reputations and worse recreational pursuits. I cannot recommend involvement in college theatrical departments for conservative Christian students: the subject matter chosen is usually extremely liberal. Speech class topics, literature excerpts, and English compositions will also likely include "mature subject matter." Art appreciation and drawing/painting/sculpture classes will include exposure to human figures lacking apparel. If your student is mature enough to handle these situations gracefully, he or she will probably do well in the college setting. I do recommend taking classes on a part-time basis (1 or 2 classes at a time) to start and attending full-time only after the student is 18 years old (the age of most college freshmen).

To successfully homeschool high school, start with a solid foundation of college entrance requirements. Fulfill those requirements to the best of your ability and with a bias toward the student's interests and consider using college classes to complete any classes that you find too difficult to accomplish at home. I personally enjoyed my students' high school years of homeschooling more than the elementary grades because of the wonderful one-on-one discussions my students and I had about their studies and life in general. High school at home is not a fearsome thing to be dreaded; it is an exciting adventure to be anticipated.

How Long Should I Homeschool?

2005-06-29T14:43:00.000-05:00

When considering whether to homeschool your children, you may also be pondering how long to homeschool or if homeschooling can be used as a remedial alternative for a child who is lagging behind in public school. I have found that there are as many opinions on the length of time to homeschool as there are reasons to homeschool and methods to use.

Some families choose to start their children out with homeschooling, desiring to give their children a firm foundation from home and then sending them off to public school once the elementary years are completed. Others will keep their children at home until time for high school, reasoning that the junior high/middle school years are difficult enough by themselves without the trials of the public school atmosphere. Many homeschooling families educate their children all the way through to high school graduation and then send their offspring to college, while a few families utilize distance learning programs to complete college from home as well.

I have noticed a tendency in some families to "yo-yo schooling" -- send the kiddies to school for a while, then teach them at home for a year or two, send them back to school, bring them home again, etc. Overall, children (and the teaching parents) need more continuity in the educational process than can be gained from bouncing back and forth. Since homeschooling usually uses different curricula from what the public schools use, there will be some uncertainty in the amount of progress made each time the student changes facilities. A few particularly obstinate school administrators have refused to accept part or all of the work students have done at home, creating even more inconsistencies. While homeschooling can be an effective way for the struggling student to get back up to grade level, it is my opinion that it is not a good plan to send that same student back to the institution that caused the problem in the first place. [See my previous article on Homeschooling Failures I Have Known ... and What Can Be Learned from Them for some true-life examples of families who suffered from the yo-yo syndrome.]

I have groped for the proper words to address parents who told me they intended to send their little ones to public school first and then homeschool them for junior high, "when they really need it." Pardon my bluntness, but it may be too late by then. My daughter began showing signs of the you're-only-my-parent-what-could-you-possibly-know attitude as early as second grade, and it was fully functioning by the end of her third grade year. Her progress in every subject was showing a drastic decline throughout fourth grade, at the end of which we removed her from the public school system. Since then, I have observed children who despised their parents' influence from even younger ages. Yes, your sweet little darlings are the image of innocence and devotion at three or four years old, but it will not take long for their values to be compromised under the strong influence of public school peer pressure and bullying (which is not limited to just students: teachers are just as effective at bullying and manipulation as the students are). Classroom pressures only increase as time goes by, and children who are in elementary classes now are exposed to things that were not even mentioned in my high school classes. Do you really believe those influences will be beneficial to your children?

Job transfers or terminations can happen to anyone, bringing major upheaval to the family routine, sometimes including relocations to unfamiliar territory. Homeschooling families are also not immune to tragedy and death: I have mourned with those who have lost children and even spouses. Yet homeschooling can continue. Creative scheduling has enabled many working parents to supervise their students' education while still providing the necessary family income. Students who have learned to teach themselves can carry on a great deal of their home education independently even if major setbacks arise to hinder your efforts. My daughter found the routine of doing math lessons to be a valuable coping strategy for the stress of having two grandparents near death at the same time.

While the idea of homeschooling for the next 13+ years can be overwhelming at first thought, I recommend focusing on only one or two years at a time. Reassure yourself that you can complete this task and plan for doing just that, but choose not to look too closely at all that the future holds, lest you scare yourself away from attempting it. Once we as a family had recognized the benefits of homeschooling over public school, we knew there could be no turning back for us, but to consider how much work lay ahead of us was a very daunting prospect indeed. However, my children were currently in elementary school, not high school, and I realized that I had several years to figure out how I would handle the harder subjects once we arrived at that level. I was able to learn many things right along with my students, and our progress came one year at a time: we did not tackle chemistry or calculus until we had the foundations properly laid for them.

My children extended homeschooling into the college realm by attending a few classes during their high school years and then living at home while completing an Associate of Arts degree from our local community college. I proofread college papers at their request and offered suggestions for changes before the final editions were handed in. Occasionally, I was called upon as a sounding board as they attempted to explain their college lessons to me in an effort to better understand the concepts -- proving the old saying that the best way to learn something yourself is to teach it to someone else.

How long should you homeschool? No one can predict exactly what your future will hold or what obstacles to homeschooling may cross your path, but I personally recommend doing everything possible to homeschool your children through high school graduation. The benefits of individualized learning at home and the consistency of steady progress will provide the momentum needed to carry you and your students through the years that you dedicate to education at home.

Rules and Discipline within the Co-op Group Setting

2005-06-24T14:27:00.000-05:00

In discussing the many different aspects of co-op group activities, I have so far avoided an in-depth examination of discipline within the group setting. While I have touched upon the ability of homeschooling co-op groups to offer opportunities to expand children's individual talents and interests, I have only hinted at any disciplinary restrictions for the group itself. This, then, is a further consideration of group dynamics and some of the "hot spots" that I have seen arise in multiple homeschool group situations. I am also including certain specific episodes that resulted in group discipline: rules that ultimately restricted everyone's behavior, for better or worse.

"DO's" -- The Types of Rules to Consider Implementing
Time Segments? 1-hour classes? 2-hour classes? If your group is large enough to offer more than one class on co-op day, you probably need to consider the ideal length for those classes. When just a few families get together once-a-whenever for a project, the only limiting factor may be naptime for the youngest members. If you are attempting to schedule co-op classes for multiple age groups involving dozens of children, you may need more structure.

Hall Monitors? If you are blessed with a large facility (church or community center) where your students can spread out into multiple classrooms, you may be faced with occasionally wandering children. Students new to the facility may get lost or confused or need help finding their classroom, the restroom, or Mom (if she is occupied in another classroom). In such a case, an extra parent assigned to direct foot-traffic can be a wonderful blessing to the little lost soul who thought she knew the way to the restroom.

Children in Parking Lots? This is another aspect of the "wandering child" issue -- Abbie left something important in the car and runs out to retrieve it, not expecting another family to be arriving late, and they are not expecting any children to be dashing through the parking lot. We all try to keep hold of our youngsters in large lots (such as Wal-Mart), but we tend to relax around our small group of friends. To prevent tragedy from sneaking up on us, small children should be discouraged from leaving the facility unless accompanied by an older sibling or parent. Any family attempting to move their vehicle should walk completely around it first -- you may never discover a child sitting on the ground behind your car, but you might find Benji's jacket or Charlie's notebook before driving off without them.

Discipline? A Moms' Meeting is the place to discuss and decide together how discipline should be administered during co-op classes, so that all parents are aware of what the agreed-upon procedure is. My personal recommendation is that the parent should deal with the offender for any significant problems; the teacher or other adult witness may need to describe the situation to the parent first, if the parent was not present during the incident, then leave the parent and child alone to work it out according to their family's rules. [more on this below]

Gender Bias? Classes can be gender-specific without being gender-restricted. We once offered our teens a class in cake decorating, something many of the girls were interested in learning. One of the boys from the group also signed up to take the class; he had had some experience at home and was not intimidated by being the only male in the room. He also had the last laugh on the other boys who tried to tease him for taking the "girl class" -- the boys did not have an alternative class that day and instead were recruited for an assortment of heavy-duty cleaning projects around the building.

Age Bias? An older student can effectively sit in on a class meant for a slightly younger age group, but a younger student may not work out as well in a class intended for older students. Accelerated learners may have an advantage in academics, but usually have not achieved the maturity to go with it. Our group had many such debates about "David" who was advanced several years in his schoolwork and wanted to attend all the group activities designed for the students in his grade level. However, the other students at that level were high school teenagers, and David was quite a few years younger. Although he (and his parents) believed he was the intellectual equal of the teens, he was not equipped emotionally, physically, or in any other way to participate in the teens' social events. The high school classes also were not a good "fit" for him: even though he could handle algebra and read high school literature, he could not discuss many of the broader topics (such as current events, the stock market, or vocational options) that the other high school students were interested in studying. His emotional/philosophical level was still in elementary school, where his age placed him.

"DON'T's" -- The Types of Rules to Avoid
Public Schoolism: If your members are primarily unschooling types, definitely stay far away from any rules with a public school flavor, such as walking in precise lines to change classes. I have stated in previous articles that homeschooling brings out the individual differences in our children and that public school-ism emphasizes the one-size-fits-all approach. Avoid zero-tolerance-type universal rules for governing single incidents; instead, take the initiative to speak to the one at fault.

Dictatorships: Allowing or relying on only one person to coordinate all activities endangers your group's unity and must be avoided at all costs -- your desire is to have a homeschooling cooperative group, not to become the flying monkey minions of the Wicked Witch of the West. (Forgive my bias -- not all people who lead groups fall into the control-freak category; I have just been stung too many times.) Discuss your concerns together as a group and make sure all opinions are expressed, polling each member individually, if necessary. Secret ballots and suggestion boxes will not encourage the timid member to speak up as much as a friendly, non-threatening atmosphere will. Welcome all opinions, whether agreeing or dissenting, and discuss the pro and con sides of all options. In the end, even the most adamant dissenter can feel good about a group decision if she feels her concerns have been listened to in the process.

Do Not Overrule Parental Authority: Assume that parents know what is best for their own children. Assume that parents already have their own set of rules for governing their family. Realize that what you do not allow in your family may be perfectly acceptable in another family, and what you find acceptable behavior may be extremely offensive to others. Realize that families will usually try to respect the wishes of the group, even if those rules do not mirror their family's preferences.

To Discipline or Not to Discipline -- What Happened & How I Viewed It
The following stories involve students of middle school and high school age, mostly because that is the time when children are more likely to exert their own opinions. Rebellion from good kids is often channeled toward creative outlets, rather than becoming destructive or damaging. What one adult considers "rebellion," another adult may consider "self-control" -- based on their point of reference. Over the years, I have witnessed some remarkably creative rule-breaking in otherwise well-behaved children, who had simply been pushed to their personal breaking points. These accounts are true; all names have been changed to protect the guilty. Learn from them what you can, realizing that no amount of planning can cover all contingencies, but it is better to speak to one individual about a problem than to try to legislate major rules that affect everyone else and still do not get through to the offending person.

Erica sneaked up behind Frank before class began and pinched a pressure point on his neck. Thinking it was his friend George, Frank whipped his arm around and caught George in a headlock -- only George was really Erica. Not a problem, thought Frank, Erica is quite a tomboy herself and usually wins in a good wrestling match with her brothers, so Frank followed through with his takedown. Erica was delighted with the opportunity to wrestle someone besides her brothers and gave it her all. An unsuspecting adult happened to witness this seconds-long encounter, walking in just as Frank maneuvered Erica toward the edge of the stage they were wrestling on in an attempt to frighten her into letting up, since her strength and experience were greater than Frank had anticipated. Mrs. Conclusion Jumper immediately lived up to her name, shreiking for the "fight" to stop, and sending everyone within earshot into panic mode. Frank was severely reprimanded for exhibiting such behavior toward one of the girls, and Erica was never faulted for starting it all. Frank's mother was finally summoned from another room when Frank protested that he was merely defending himself against an attack from behind. Frank and Erica's parents saw through the whole scene immediately and concluded that nothing extraordinary had taken place, with the exception of Mrs. Conclusion Jumper's reaction. Frank and Erica remained good friends, both knowing the incident was all in fun. Frank and Erica's parents remained good friends as well, also knowing that their children were responding in ways that would not have been given a second glance at home. Mrs. Conclusion Jumper is still upset to this day. [Although no other wrestling matches ever took place, there was soon a rule forbidding any and all rough-housing, especially on the stage area.]

Harold and Ivan had opted not to participate in a class they found uninteresting. Finding themselves without a room to sit in, since all rooms were being utilized for classes, Harold and Ivan decided to wait on an entryway staircase until class was over. Then Harold and Ivan found a football. Being athletic teenage boys, they saw nothing wrong with carefully tossing the ball back and forth across the entryway, from one set of stairs to the other. Enter Mrs. Conclusion Jumper. Again. What had been a fun way of passing their time suddenly became a big deal -- at least to Mrs. CJ. No windows had been broken, no property had been damaged, no small children had ever been put in danger, and no parents had objected to Harold and Ivan's attempt to bypass boredom. Except Mrs. Conclusion Jumper. [Next rule on the ever-expanding list: no ball-throwing unless as part of a gym class.]

Kip was the lone wolf of his church group, seldom joining in with activities, and preferring his own company to anyone else's. I was illustrating a Sunday School lesson on Jesus calming the storm and had arranged the chairs into a long, narrow boat-shape and had the students choose their own seats as the "disciples." Kip sat in the very back row. By himself. As I read the story and set the mood with a sound effects tape of thunder, wind, and rain, some of the students began saying they felt raindrops. There in the back was Kip, leaning his chair back far enough to reach the drinking fountain behind him and flicking handfuls of water over the group. Seeing that what probably began as a way to annoy his classmates was quickly becoming a valuable visual/tactile aide, I continued with my presentation. By the time Jesus had calmed the seas, Kip had stopped flicking water. As I later dismissed the class, I caught Kip by the arm and held him back while the others went on ahead. Expecting to be rebuked yet again for disruptive behavior, Kip was genuinely surprised as I thanked him for adding so much to my simple lesson and told him how much I truly appreciated his ingenuity and courage to do what many adults would have objected to. Kip beamed. From that day on, Kip was more attentive in my classes. Years have passed since then; Kip went to college and has become a teacher himself. [Not a homeschool group story, but valuable nonetheless as an example of a student's "rebellion" being turned into something creative.]

Logan was not a teen fashion model, but he could have been. He followed many fashion trends, especially the pulling-your-jeans-way-down-to-expose-the-top-of-your-boxers fad. He would leave home wearing his belt, but remove it as soon as he got into a class without Mom. The other teens objected, but learned to ignore his less-than-modest couture. When the elementary girls began tripping on the stairs while watching Logan walk past, I knew it was time for something more to be done. I spoke with Logan's mother, suggesting that perhaps a parental word could convince him of the far-reaching effects of his behavior. She insisted that what looked like boxers was not really underwear, that he was in fact wearing other underwear beneath them, and that the boxers were just decorative. In a group striving for modesty, her argument did not really work, especially when she called herself the group's "Modesty Cop" and insisted on strict modesty from the girls (for the protection of her sons). [Countless rules were made regarding modesty, but the offenders seemed to be as energetic as the rule-writers, resulting in no changes -- except perhaps in attitudes.]

Mark and Nyle were sitting in the designated "study hall" area, having opted out of an uninteresting class (with parental permission). The day was hot and the building was growing warm, despite the air conditioner's best attempts at cooling. Mark and Nyle discussed their preferred outdoor activities for the period, not realizing that Mrs. Suspicious lurked within eavesdropping distance. When the boys rose to walk to the hallway drinking fountain, Mrs. Suspicious incorrectly assumed they were headed outdoors, in flagrant violation of a newly implemented rule against leaving the building during classtime. Mrs. Suspicious reported the suspected plot to her mentor, Mrs. Conclusion Jumper, who confronted Mark (Nyle had successfully managed to disappear when he realized what was about to happen). When Mark told Mrs. CJ that she did not have the facts straight, she blew up and took the matter (and him) to his mother. Mark's mother defended her son, much to the dismay of both Mrs. Conclusion Jumper and Mrs. Suspicious, who still continue in their efforts to spread negativity wherever they go. [A rule was posted to forbid any child from leaving the building. However, it was so poorly written as to leave one questioning whether older students who drove themselves to classes would actually be allowed to return home.]

Oliver was a wonderful boy in a man's body. A high school senior, older brother to many siblings, and one of the oldest students in our group, Oliver became a role model for the younger children, whether he wanted to be one or not, but took on that responsibility with great diligence. Oliver was genuinely respectful to all adults and other students, but exhibited a wry sense of humor that some stoics failed to understand. During one field trip to a mansion-turned-museum, his tour guide singled out Oliver as being The Ultimate Troublemaker, which Oliver assuredly was not. Mrs. Tour Guide continually directed snide remarks to Oliver, cautioning him not to touch things, not to do this, and not to do that -- none of which Oliver would have considered doing in a place as renowned as this museum. After nearly an hour of such undeserved verbal abuse, Oliver reached above his 6-foot frame and flicked a small sign sticking out above a doorway. The sign spun around and around on its holder, revealing a very tiny portion of the emotions churning through Oliver's mind. A new parent to our group witnessed only the sign-flicking incident, but not the insults which prompted it, and reported it to the trip's coordinator a day later, feeling it had been disrespectful and improper public behavior. The coordinator contacted the parents who had been with that particular tour group to obtain as many facts as possible and was able to straighten out the entire ordeal to everyone's satisfaction. Oliver was ultimately commended for exhibiting tremendous self-control in flicking only the sign, when undoubtedly the presumptuous tour guide deserved much worse. [A prime example of "rebellion" under self-control.]

Cross Jekyll and Hyde with Eddie Haskell for my personal pet peeve: children who change behavior as soon as their parents leave the room. You probably remember Eddie Haskell as the guy on "Leave It to Beaver" who spoke so politely to all the adults, but was the biggest jerk on the planet to the other kids. Fortunately for Wally and the Beav, Ward and June Cleaver saw right through Eddie. An Eddie obeys all the family rules until he gets away from his parents, Eddie speaks disrespectfully about his parents and all other adults, and Eddie encourages his friends to adopt similar attitudes toward their own parents. Eddie has not been taught to have respect for others but to act politely, especially to adults, so Eddie puts on that behavior around the adults and appears to be a model citizen and the ideal child. Once the adults leave the room, however, Eddie the Jerk comes forth. Eddie can be male or female and any age. My personal strategy to guard against my own children becoming an Eddie was to give them the freedom to be themselves around both their friends and me, without fear of my teasing them about things they said or did.

Most discipline problems that arise in a group can be dealt with individually, without affecting the entire group as a whole. Specific incidents often have the effect of illustrating to every child present what types of behavior are or are not acceptable, again without the need for universal legislation. Realizing that each family has its own policy for behavior and discipline and respecting those differences will go a long way toward balancing group dynamics. Often a simple explanation to my children that "if those were my kids, they wouldn't get away with that" was enough to satisfy any protestations over differences in value systems. Open discussions, common sense, and respect for others will prevent most problems before they start.

[For more information on cooperative classes and group activities, visit our Topical Index section on Co-op Groups.]

Possible Pitfalls in Homeschool Groups

2005-06-14T12:33:00.000-05:00

In my eleven-year career as a homeschooling Mom, I met a lot of other homeschoolers and worked with many homeschool groups, both as a participating member and in collaboration for joint events. I have been asked to elaborate on some of the "pitfalls" that can come up in group situations, including warning signs and advice for how to avoid trouble. This will be a collection of problems I have seen over more than a decade; these are not inevitable trouble spots that every group is doomed to suffer. I read recently that a truly wise leader is able to discern trouble before it develops, and that this type of discernment is a rare quality. I believe that "forewarned is forearmed" -- if you know what to watch out for, you will be more likely to avoid it.

Temporary Problems -- associated with co-op classes, field trips, special events, etc.
Classes: Using sign-up sheets to anticipate attendance can eliminate many surprises. Start well in advance (3-4 meeting times, including Moms' meetings, class days, etc.) to publicize upcoming activities and give families notice of what will be held, when it will occur, and what they need to provide (extra fee, special equipment or clothing). If your members know about it, they can plan for it. Asking families to sign up in advance allows the activity's coordinator to plan for the size of the group: large enough facility, enough equipment and supplies, extra helpers, etc.

Field Trips: Crowd control and safety are probably my biggest concerns on a field trip. Parents need advance warning if there will be safety or space limitations: do they need to make alternate arrangements for their toddlers, should they bring the stroller or leave it at home, do their children need to wear specific clothing? (My children and I usually dressed nicely for public group outings, but if the field trip included touring a cattle barn, we did not want to wear sandals.) Once your group assembles at the field trip location, it is rather late to announce that no one under 5 is allowed on the tour. (It has happened.) Publicize the starting time for field trips and encourage everyone to be on time (although not too early), so that the business is not disrupted while waiting for stragglers. The sign-up sheet can come in handy here as well, giving the activity leader an idea of which families to expect. A warning phone call to the site's tour guide a day or two ahead of time will also enable them to plan ahead, in case they need to split your group for more than one tour, have enough souvenir gifts for all, or mark out a special parking area.

Special Events: Again, sign-up sheets and advance publicity can solve a host of problems before they happen. With events that lean more towards a party atmosphere than educational endeavors, individual family standards of acceptability may raise concerns from time to time. Not all families will agree on music styles or games played at roller-skating parties: one Dad adamantly voiced his objections to nearly all the bring-your-favorite-Christian-music that was offered, unwilling to consider even straight-from-Scripture lyrics to be acceptable because of the instruments used or the "beat" of the music (even though the CD he brought used the same instruments and kept the same beat). We also found that doing the hokey-pokey and the "chicken dance" could be surprisingly controversial. Our local rink plays an elimination game using a large die and numbers on the rink floor -- I had never considered that to be a "dice game of chance," but others did.

Some people felt that music (other than hymns) should not be played at all for parties held in church buildings, so before the teens' formal dinner the kids were expected to stand around discussing current events over hors d'oeuvres and punch. It resembled a bad cocktail party scene from a low-budget movie. After dinner, the teens were provided with ping-pong and foosball -- one table each for two dozen people. No board games, no music, not even a hint of dancing, just a severe lack of forethought. (Another consideration: a strict dress code for modest attire was issued ahead of time, but nothing was said to those who chose to ignore it.)

One family hosted their own party for all the teens: everyone was invited to a private home, and the family imposed no restrictions on what music could be played (or how loud), or what games could be played, or how much food and soda the kids could consume. We parents relaxed and chatted in the kitchen and dining room, while our teens migrated from basement family room to living room/den to second floor kids' rooms and back again. The teens had freedom to watch videos, play computer/video games, listen to contemporary music, and just be themselves, giggling all the while. It still ranks as one of the most enjoyable evenings in the group's history.

Whether at a group-sanctioned event or a potential instructional class, we had a small disagreement over card games. A few of the boys were playing poker (not for money, just for fun) during free time on a co-op day; another time several teens requested a class on learning to play "Pepper," a popular non-gambling card game. An assertion was made that some of our member families would be offended by standard playing cards, and that only "Uno" cards were acceptable. I did a little investigating on my own and never did find any families who actually objected to cards, but nevertheless our teens were scolded for even wanting to play.

Hosting sports tournaments, theatrical performances, or other invitational events will require accommodating strangers to your facility: directing traffic from the parking lots to the restrooms, providing food or drinks at a concession stand, or providing secure dressing rooms for participants.

Food presents another concern all by itself: how far should you go to accommodate people with food allergies? What types of food should be made available at certain events? Will beverages be enough or will you need something more substantial? Is the food allowed in all parts of your building or must it be restricted to one area? Do not overlook recruiting a large clean-up crew!

Discipline (More in-depth aspects of this will be addressed in a future post.)
Any significant problems that arise during field trips and classes should be the responsibility of the parents of the children involved. In the rare event that some children are not accompanied by their own parent(s), they should be designated as the responsibility of some parent who is present. The leader of one group I was (briefly) associated with insisted that all discipline was to be handled by the event coordinator of each day's activity -- oddly, the same super-controlling woman was always in charge. I did not agree -- nobody supercedes my authority over my own children. However, an activity's coordinator will receive any negative feedback from businesses that your group tours, and she will be expected to contact individual families to resolve problems.

Administration
Some type of group administration will be necessary, if only to facilitate planning meetings, serve as a contact person for the group, or make short-notice decisions on behalf of the group. Some groups have bypassed a formal administrative body by delegating all planning responsibilities for one month to a member family, with all families alternating in turn. New families are allowed to watch and learn for several months before taking their turn at coordinating activities.

Officers: When a more active schedule requires advance planning and coordinating multiple events at once, the family-of-the-month method may not work, and your group may choose to elect officers and/or delegate responsibilities to specific committees. A governing body reduces the risk of burdening one Mom/family for life while the others casually revel under her fabulous gift for organization. However, there are many concerns that are often overlooked in the zeal to establish a more formal administration. How long will the term of service be: one year, two years? Can a member serve multiple terms in succession? Can a member resign from her position for a season and then serve again at a later date? If an officer is obligated to step down (i.e. due to health reasons or moving away), how will her position be filled? Can you recall (force out) a leader who later proves to be unqualified or a Nazi-like control freak? Right now, you are undoubtedly thinking of the wonderful, caring women in your group and cannot imagine an uncooperative person in the bunch, but beware -- I have seen difficult problems arise from the meekest individuals.

When taking nominations for officers, select an impartial member (or possibly more than one) to contact each nominee as to whether or not she is willing to serve if elected. I witnessed an eager volunteer who telephoned each fellow nominee individually (yes, she was nominated herself) and worded the conversation so that each other nominee humbly decided to remove her own name from the ballot on the assumption that she did not want to detract from the election of someone more qualified. Mrs. Zealot happily succeeded in running unopposed, although each of the others was much more qualified. After the election was final, the others casually conferred and discovered exactly how they had all been duped, and it was a devastating loss to the group as a whole.

Another sly character to watch out for is the self-appointing power-seeker. She rises to power in a small group that has been coordinated primarily by one person, by repeatedly offering to pick up the mundane tasks. She appears at first to be a godsend, since she does relieve much of the busywork and often shows up early at events to help set up and stays late to clean up. However, her personal agenda will be evident to the watchful eye: she rarely speaks about the desires of the group, preferring to steer all activities toward her own tastes. Waiting patiently for the traditional group leader to suffer an illness or family emergency, Mrs. Usurper will then make her move, volunteering to "help out poor Mrs. Leader" by taking on even more of the administrative duties. The other members, innocently caught by surprise, will not feel justified in objecting, since the normal leader does seem to be overwhelmed by her temporary circumstances. Once the power-seeker has obtained her seat of authority, watch out: things can only go downhill from here.

Meetings: When Moms' Meetings are held in the evening, snacks and desserts can usually be skipped or replaced by ice water. Any one truly needing extra calories will probably bring her own snack. Fellowship inevitably occurs during every lull in a meeting, but softly ringing a small bell is a gentler reminder than a gavel that more business remains.

A printed agenda is a handy tool to let everyone know what topics will be addressed and how quickly each needs to be handled, but be sure to allow some time for any new concerns that arise. (If there is no other new business, you get more time to fellowship.) Encourage the group to make firm decisions, and then quickly move on to the next item of business.

Allow all concerns to be heard and addressed fairly. Understand that one person voicing a concern represents at least 10% of your group, perhaps more. (If the group leader has an intimidating personality, 90% of the people may disagree with her but be afraid to speak up.) Many women will extend their "submissive wife" role to the point where they are unwilling to voice any dissenting opinion, even for the good of the group, feeling it is their "duty" to accept what life deals them and carry on.

Growth: Expect change in your group. Anticipate it and be ready for it. Welcome new families who will join for your advantages and your fellowship. If your group offers an environment that others find desirable, your numbers will increase. If your group refuses to adapt, you will lose members. Either way, you will experience change. Look at your group as you look at your children: you want your children to grow and mature and learn; desire that for your group's membership as well. I included new people into my conversations with old friends and encouraged shy members to be my helpers, and they all eventually became active contributors to the group. [Note: I have led student classes and delivered topical addresses to Moms' meetings, but I have served only on planning committees. While some of my suggestions may sound as though I was an "important" member of a group, I never held an office -- these are roles I expect any average member to be able to fulfill. The "members" of today are the "leaders" of tomorrow.]

I found it surprising how many people were afraid (or too conceited?) to speak to newcomers, feeling the newbies should introduce themselves and automatically know who was responsible for what. "Primary group" is the syndrome of allowing new people to come, but never really allowing them to become part of the group -- always reminding them that they are newcomers, no matter how long they have been attending. Some of the original members may protest (or even depart) at any changes or styles that they do not like. Be sensitive to the needs and desires of all, but do not become a doormat for the few who insist everything meets with their approval. Newcomers need to be welcomed, introduced around, and encouraged to help out. If you plan your activities very far in advance, they will have a good feel for the spirit of the group by the time they are ready to lead something themselves.

Religious or Political Differences: "Christian" groups may want to publicize their faith base (including it in the group name is often enough) so that newcomers will know what to expect. The same applies to any group that is trying to maintain a specific emphasis, such as a Jewish group, Latter Day Saints, or even a strictly secular group (desiring no religious emphasis). In my experience, it is not necessary to require members to sign a statement of faith or contract for membership. Welcome any who want to join your group, knowing that if they are not comfortable with your emphasis, they may choose to leave again.

Politics, while important to all of us, are best left out of the group environment. One group I attended was led by a family of extremely zealous political affiliation. They had no qualms about calling each family, requesting support for the candidates of their choice. While I may have agreed with their choice on some candidates, I did not agree as vehemently on all, and it made for uncomfortable group relations. I also feel that all contact information gathered from group members (addresses, phone numbers, email addresses, etc) should be kept private (within the group) and used for group business only. I do not need any more unsolicited requests to support another member's church, missions outreach, political campaign, or business venture.

Most problems that arise in homeschool groups can be avoided through careful advance planning, trusting your fellow members to handle their own families, and being cooperative and considerate of others. If a member of your group is concerned about a potential trouble spot, discuss it with her, and work together to prevent its becoming a real problem. Some problems happen only once and serve as learning experiences for us all (such as how to transport a Mom with a badly broken arm from the center of the roller rink floor to the nearest Emergency Room). Other trouble spots can be the tip of the proverbial iceberg, concealing a huge problem that lurks just out of sight. Anything that causes concern is worthy of attention, and often difficulties can be simply resolved with a kind word at the appropriate time and place. Ignored problems rarely solve themselves, but the person who is brave enough to confront trouble head-on before it gets out of control is nearly always victorious.

[For more information on cooperative classes and group activities, visit our Topical Index section on Co-op Groups.]

Ideas for Special Events

2005-06-06T16:20:00.000-05:00

My definition of "special events" is educational events of a larger scale than a class, though perhaps the culmination of a class. Special events are planned and hosted by your own homeschool group, even though you may also include other groups by invitation. This list contains all the special events we can remember from our eleven years of homeschooling. I am still purposely not including details, so that you can be creative in structuring your own events. If you desperately need explanations for certain events, I will be happy to oblige.

Adopt-a-Family Christmas service project
Art Fair
Basketball games (competitive w/Christian schools)
Basketball invitational tournaments (Elementary; Jr. High; Sr. High)
Book-It pizza party
Bowling
Career Fair
Caribbean Cruise Night (cruise ship activities fun night)
Challenger Learning Center (major project, considered event/field trip/classes)
Christmas recital/recitation program
Citizenship program and essay contest
Concession stand at sports tournaments
Farewell picnic (summer)
Float entry in local parade
Graduation ceremonies (K, 8th, 12th)
History Fair
Instrumental band performance
Literature Fair
Mother/daughter Victorian tea
Music festival (w/Christian schools; vocal, instrumental)
Musicals (K-3rd, 4th-12th)
Operation Christmas Child service project
Parents' dinner out
Patriotic program (vocal music)
Performance and exhibition program (spring)
Pizza-and-a-movie night
Play (rehearsals and performance)
President's Physical Fitness Challenge
Roller-skating party
"School" photos
Science Fair
Speech contest (Elementary, Jr/Sr High)
Spelling Bee
Standardized testing
Teens' canoe trip/river float & picnic
Teens' Christmas cookie baking/delivery and caroling (service project)
Teens' formal dinner
Used book sale
Valentines Banquet (for parents; served by students)
Volleyball tournament
Volunteer workday service project
Welcoming picnic (fall)

[For more information on cooperative classes and group activities, visit our Topical Index section on Co-op Groups.]

Ideas for Field Trips

2005-05-31T12:45:00.000-05:00

I consider a "field trip" to be an educational experience that involves traveling to a special location to participate in an event planned or hosted by others. This list contains all the field trips we have been able to remember from our eleven years of homeschooling. I am again intentionally not including details, so that you can be creative in structuring your own trips from the sites available to you. I live in an agricultural region, as is apparent in many of these trips; be brave in branching out to visit a variety of vocational and historical sites in your area.

Aviation day (airport, plane rides)
Bakery
Bike hike
Blacksmith
Challenger Learning Center (mock trip to the moon)
Children's theater (performance)
Crane & wrecker service
Dairy farm
Egg "factory"
Emu farm
Fossil quarry
Goodwill Industries
Greenhouse
Historic carousel
Historic homes/museums
Historical museums (county, state, university)
Historical re-enactments/performances
Ice skating rink
Iowa Air National Guard base
Junior art gallery
Law enforcement center
Living History Farms
Maple syrup making
Mattress factory
Meat locker
Nature centers
Newspaper
One-room schoolhouse museum
Operation Christmas Child regional headquarters (included volunteer service)
Pizza restaurant
Pizza toppings factory
Popcorn-popper factory
Post office
Prairie preserves
Reindeer farm
Riverboat ride/tour
Seed corn "factory"
Science centers/museums
Soil conservation/watershed project tour
Symphony
Tractor assembly plant
Tulip festival
Veterinary college
Wildlife refuge
Wyatt Earp home/museum

[For more information on cooperative classes and group activities, visit our Topical Index section on Co-op Groups.]

Ideas for Co-op Classes

2005-05-24T13:41:00.000-05:00

Here are all the class titles we can remember from our eleven years of homeschooling. I am intentionally not including details, so that you can be creative in structuring your own classes and not just copy my suggestions to paste onto your students. Some of these classes were strictly for K-3rd graders, other classes were obviously for high school students, and a few were made more/less complicated to adapt to all age levels. As always, I will be happy to answer specific questions, but try brainstorming on your own first to see how you would do some of these.

Acids and bases
Alaska
Alka-seltzer rockets
Aquarium basics
Basketball
Beekeeping
Button materials: scientific testing
Calligraphy
Cake decorating
Catering/restaurant management
Central America
Colonial Williamsburg
Concession stand entrepreneurship
CPR training
Creative writing
Crocheting
Debate
Dissecting
Drawing basics
Drawing people
English Christmas traditions
First Aid basics
Fun with pasta
George Washington's breakfast
German Christmas traditions
Gym games
Horses
Identifying animal tracks
Instrumental band
Jumprope acrobatics
Kite workshop
Liquid measurements
Manners and etiquette
Mystery boxes: the scientific method
Native Americans
Newspaper writing
Novel writing
Painting
Pilgrims
Poetry writing
Potato prints
Rocks and minerals
Scherenschnitte: precision paper-cutting
Sign language
Slime: solid or liquid
Solar system: relative sizes/distances
Spanish
Stock market
Story writing/making books
Teamwork exercises
Tennis
U.S.A. history/geography game
U.S. Presidents history game
Vocal music
Volleyball

[For more information on cooperative classes and group activities, visit our Topical Index section on Co-op Groups.]

StarWars Goes Homeschool

2005-05-20T16:00:00.000-05:00

Yes, I confess: I am a StarWars fan. Although I did not have any interest in seeing the first film of the series when it debuted umpteen years ago, I was quickly converted by a trusted friend who took me to see The Empire Strikes Back and explained the vital parts that I had missed. I have since passed this legacy to my children, who are now bigger fanatics than I am -- which brings me to the point of this article: StarWars can be effectively incorporated into a homeschool curriculum.

If your family members are currently refreshing memories and storylines by re-viewing all the previous movies, and if your brooms and mops have broken handles from attempted light-saber duels in the backyard, you might as well accept the fact that StarWars has already made its impact on your home. StarWars can be studied as intensively as any other interest: find a bio on George Lucas or any of the actors; try drawing your own characters from another "galaxy"; study the military strategies of the various battles; build a model droid out of cardboard boxes.

Our homeschool co-op group held a Literature Fair a few months after Episode One debuted. The idea of a Literature Fair is similar to a Science Fair: students research a project and present a display on their chosen topic -- a book, series of books, or an author, and the students were encouraged to come in a costume related to their display. My students were totally consumed at that time with the StarWars phenomenon, since a new series of the films was being created especially for their generation, so, of course, it became their top choice for a presentation.

We purchased the book The Phantom Menace and my students each read it. Another family's students joined forces with mine in this project who already owned multiple, well-read StarWars novels. The table display included miniature pod racers built from K'nex, a wide assortment of StarWars novels, and several books on the creation process behind the books and movies: character development, costuming, and the "science" behind how the weapons and starships are supposed to work. All together, it was an effective display showing the links between printed literature and motion pictures. Knowing that some members of our group would probably object to certain elements of the film, I urged my students to cover all their bases and "think big" -- reasoning that a well-done project is hard to refute, regardless of its topic. My son and his friend (both age 13) had already begun a casual round of light-saber fighting, mimicking the "Duel of the Fates" finale, so we Moms encouraged them to choreograph their steps for precision and safety and perform their battle as part of their presentation.

Now we had to consider actual characters and costumes. My son volunteered to be the bad guy, Darth Maul, not fearing any consequences from assuming an evil persona for one night. Young Obi-Wan was a friendlier-looking character, especially when played by my son's genial friend. My daughter (age 16) was nearly drooling at the chance to don any of Queen Amidala's elaborate ensembles -- which my sewing abilities forced me to scale waaaaay back.

On the night of the event, I did my son's face paint at home (a scary transformation that caused even him to utter a brief whoa at first glance in the mirror), and we arrived extra-early at the venue so he could remain hidden while all the other families arrived and set up their displays. We announced that our students' presentation included a short dramatic re-creation of one scene from their featured display, and asked any interested persons to take seats upstairs in the gymnasium in five minutes. My son's appearance had still been concealed from public view up to this point, except for the young lady who accidentally bumped into him on a darkened back stairway. He was not expecting to meet anyone either, and they both gasped in surprise.

As the taped soundtrack began playing, Obi-Wan entered from a far door, twirling his blue light-saber (spray-painted metal conduit), and looking pensive. Suddenly, Darth Maul emerged threateningly from another door with his double-ended, red light-saber, and the gymnasium seemed to morph into a galaxy far, far away. The choreography had been rehearsed to near-perfection, the costumes were close enough to carry the mood, the harsh clashing from the weapons added authenticity, and the background music covered everything else. A few minutes later, my son lay on the floor in mock-death, while a young boy in the audience hooted and cheered and called my son by name, "Get up, ----. GET UP!" as if he needed to break the spell of the death scene. The boys performed their scene three times that night at half-our intervals, as nearly everyone in attendance watched and cheered through all three performances.

Obi-Wan's little sister (age 7 and dressed as handmaiden Padme) said she knew Darth Maul was really her brother's friend, but she just could not bring herself to look at him. We had not anticipated the whole thing having such a realistic effect, so my son dropped his hood to expose his curly hair, knelt down, and talked gently to the smaller children who had been a bit fearful, showing his warm grin, and letting them hear his familiar voice and see that his face was just painted. Since Darth Maul does not smile in the movie, even a small smile was enough to break the effects of the character's make-up.

We did not receive any verbal objections to the elaborate presentation (unless they were spoken behind our backs), but being the rebels that we are, we were ready with our defense: evil is portrayed as evil in the StarWars saga; it is not sweetened up or cloaked in artificial goodness. As literature goes, Hamlet would not be the same story without the evil influence, nor would most other "classics." Even the Bible, although truly more factual history than literature, has a truly evil villain.

The beauty of homeschooling is that we can shift our curriculum to meld with our students' interests. If StarWars is your family's main interest right now, encourage them to investigate it more deeply, and use it to your advantage. It got my son's nose into several books.

Co-op Classes: A Primer

2005-05-19T14:04:00.001-05:00

If your group is attempting to try a co-op class for the first time, or if you want to expand from an occasional class to offering something on a regular basis, this article is an effort to cover as many aspects as possible concerning group classes. Some suggestions may seem obvious, but when you begin to tackle this type of project, even the simplest details can slip by, unnoticed.

Start small. If this is your first foray into co-op classes, begin with simple ideas and single session classes, rather than attempting a major project. Your group will need a few successes to provide the confidence and perseverance needed to carry through a massive undertaking. I recommend trying a few independent classes first, one or two per semester, rather than starting with a full, regular schedule of ongoing events.

Who is qualified to teach? Unskilled or untrained "teachers" may be the best. (See Who Taught This Kid to Walk, Talk, and Potty) In my experience, it usually works best if a Mom teaches a certain age group who also has a child in that age group: she will already know how to relate to them. There are exceptions, of course, but this is a basic guideline. My children took some co-op classes from a few former schoolteachers, both Moms and Grandmoms, who were usually not familiar with homeschooling. Their classes felt like school. Nearly every family in our group was homeschooling to avoid the downsides of public school classrooms, so these classes did not really fit well. The material covered was sufficient, but it was just presented in a very non-homeschooly manner. One certain teacher repeatedly boasted that she could put up with anything, since she had experienced having a student die in her classroom. My thoughts were, I don't care how much you can tolerate, I am concerned with what my children are going to learn.

A guest speaker is an easy way to start. The speaker may be from within your group, or a friend or relative of someone in your group, or a total "outsider," as long as they understand that they will be speaking in a homeschooling atmosphere (children and parents in a wide range of ages, not all sitting perfectly still in rows of chairs, allowed to interact and ask questions, etc.). This sounds like a no-brainer, but we actually did have a speaker who honestly had never addressed this type of group and did not know how to react. A sample "guest" is anyone who can show off his hobby to your group and tell the children how he got started in the hobby. Lots of show-and-tell, passing things around so the students can see up close, and a simple hands-on activity can transition a short, dry speech into a great co-op class. A woman whose hobby involved identifying rocks and minerals did a marvelous class for our elementary students, and one of our Moms spent an hour with the same group, explaining all about horse tack and how each piece is used. She finished her class by demonstrating how to lasso a calf, using a bale of straw for the proxy animal.

Where can we meet? Depending on the size of your group, you may be able to meet in someone's home, or you may need to look for something larger (another area where advance planning is critical, if reservations are required). A backyard can suffice if the weather is predictable. A park shelter-house is another alternative, but weatherproof shelters may require a rental fee. Church classrooms or fellowship rooms are often a good solution, as most churches do not require fees for their members to use. Community centers may also offer free rooms for educational activities. In my area, many rural school buildings have been converted into small-town community centers (where schools have consolidated and no longer use the smaller buildings). We took advantage of a school-turned-community-center's gymnasium building for most of our events (it included several smaller areas we used for classrooms). Another private gymnasium was located nearby for when our Gym Nights got too large for the safety of tiny people (we split the group by ages and reserved both gyms). Our yearly membership fees provided sufficient rent/donations to cover the facilities. We also used a nearby church in the same town for our Moms' Meetings and other events, such as graduation.

Why and how should age-groups be separated? If your group contains only a few children nearly all the same age, separation is probably not required. Age groups become an issue when you are dealing with dozens of children spanning many grade levels. For some show-and-tell classes, one group may work just fine; for more intense classes, separation will become necessary based on the skills required. I have seen that no one rule applies to all classes, and parents should be able to decide which classes their children attend based on each student's maturity and interests. If an older student has a particular interest in a topic being presented to a much younger class, offer to allow him to help as the teacher's assistant or to teach a class himself.

Age-groupings can vary with each class topic and often overlap, so publicize the requirements well to avoid confusion and assumptions. I feel overlap is something that can be easily dealt with: if siblings prefer to stay together instead of being separated into different groups, it will usually not be a problem unless the skills required outweigh the student's interest level. Exception: be aware that when a student is far advanced in academics but young in age and maturity, he may not be a good fit in most high school activities [more on this here]. Some situational breakdowns may help your creative processes for dreaming up classes (these are not hard-and-fast rules that apply to every class, but ideas for occasional, special groupings).
-- Non-readers and early readers -- Pre-K thru 2nd grade, may include preschoolers and toddlers as well as early elementary students (reading ability is not required for the class)
-- Early elementary -- 1st thru 3rd grade (reading ability is helpful)
-- Upper elementary and middle school -- 4th thru 8th grade (more advanced abilities and interests)
-- All elementary -- K thru 6th grade (abilities not crucial to the class, but topic interest covers all)
-- Middle school and high school -- 6th grade and up (maturity level is not crucial to the class)
-- 7th grade and up (more maturity is required than early middle school level)
-- High school -- 9th grade and up (most advanced abilities and interests)

What about the babies? If it is at all possible, hire someone to do nursery care for your group, freeing all the moms to do something with the older children. My husband said he would volunteer to play with the babies and toddlers, just so he would never have to teach a class, and that hiring child-care workers would force him to get involved with the students. If hiring is not an option, at least strive to alternate nursery workers so that all Moms get multiple opportunities to work with the students. Another option (if group nursery is not available) is to ask another Mom to tend your little ones while you teach, and then you volunteer to tend the little ones of another Mom so she can lead a group. Older students can also help out with child-care, but beware again of the student who wants to "hide" in the nursery, rather than interact with the larger group.

Should parents be allowed to sit in? Emphatically, YES! But do not just make them sit passively in the back, use them as helpers. When I did my TV-game-show class (details here), many Moms gathered in just to observe. I put them to work. I had planned on having to handle all facets of the game/class myself, but since there were so many eager audience members, I began drafting volunteers as score-keepers and judges. More interaction between students and adults also leads to a more relaxed relationship between both groups. Some parents were encouraged to take leadership roles later on after they got to know the students better through assisting with a class. Extra hands are always a blessing: homeschooled children are accustomed to having a parent close by to give quick response to their questions, so more adults in the room means more attentive help for the students. (If parents do not sit in on classes, you will need another separate area for them to sit and "socialize" so as not to distract the classes.)

Will we need snacks, etc? If you are only meeting for an hour or two, snacks may not be necessary, but bathroom breaks should always be considered. If you are meeting long enough to need a snack break, you can choose to alternate among the families bringing treats for all, or just let each family bring their own. I prefer having each family provide their own snacks -- families with food allergies or special dietary concerns know best what their children can and cannot eat, and when the sensitivity is extreme, some people cannot afford to take chances. Offer a quick, friendly reminder of where the trash goes, so that everyone can clean up his own area after the snack break is over, and provide a roll of paper towels and a spray bottle of water for the inevitable leaky jelly sandwich. When holding more than one class session in a day, allow a sufficient break between classes for bathroom visits. The length of the break will be determined by the number of participants and the facilities available: obviously, if only one restroom is available, the break will take longer than if multiple bathrooms exist. (Note: a ready supply of toilet paper, facial tissues, paper cups, and paper towels will make co-op days run much more smoothly.)

What should we do with the older kids? Even a small group of older students can become a class by themselves. Perhaps this can be the ideal opportunity for a rather shy Mom to step out and share a hidden talent with just a handful of students. High school students need more intellectually stimulating material than their elementary siblings do, so think big and ask them for their input. What would they like to study as preparation for college? Vocational-type classes (Dads, Grandads, or the local hardware store owner sharing about the jobs or hobbies they have had) can give confused high school students a glimpse into many different fields. Once again, the co-op class setting provides the opportunity to do things that do not work well at home, so use this situation to its fullest. Creative writing is an area where a group of older students can share their work with others and trade ideas, but be aware that teens often are reluctant to share with others, especially if they do not know each other well. Our high schoolers tackled a variety of classes together, from cake decorating to stock market investing, from novel writing to Spanish. (long list of class ideas here.)

If your group has only one or two older students, you might choose to give them positions as teaching assistants (or teachers of classes), child-care, or whatever appeals to them. If the students do not enjoy the responsibilities offered to them, they may build resentment toward the group as a whole, so emphasize what they are getting in return for their services (example: the confidence and self-esteem from actively helping to lead a class, plus public speaking experience).

We had several students all working from the same math textbook who enjoyed comparing their progress and helping each other understand difficult concepts, so a "Study Hall" is another possibility for a few students desiring to work together. Individual Study Hall is also an option for the student who just is not interested in the classes being offered (it happens). One of our shy Moms quietly crocheted while candidly supervising the Study Hall area. A few of the students timidly approached her about teaching them to crochet -- they were fascinated by the process. The next class day they all showed up bearing yarn and crochet hooks, and another class (and a new teacher) was born.

Should these classes offer homework? I feel that homework, if offered, should be optional, unless other arrangements have been made in advance. Some classes we held (such as novel writing) asked the students to work on their projects at home and bring them back to the next class session. When a family's homeschooling schedule has been worked out prior to the class's beginning, any homework from the class may conflict with that schedule. If a family can consider the class and its homework requirements when planning their schedule, things will work out much better. Not being aware of the requirements ahead of time, I had to redo my students' home schedules to accommodate work of the novel writing class, and later switched my son's novel attempt to "audit" status (I did not require him to complete the project) when I realized he needed to read more in order to see how books handled descriptions and narration. (See Tests, Book Reports, and Other Un-necessities for more of that story.) Many students will have family chores and responsibilities in addition to their own homeschool work, so co-op classes either need to be planned out well in advance (to be fitted into the family schedule) or have short assignments that can be completed during the class period. Instead of assigning homework, teachers could make an "idea sheet" of further work suggestions available to any Moms who are interested in taking the class further with their students.

Should everyone be required to attend? It would be very difficult to hold a class that interested every family. When contemplating classes, field trips, or special events, it is a good idea to poll the Moms as to how many families will actually participate if a certain event is held. Sign-up sheets (family name and number of participants) can provide teachers with an advance head-count for ease in preparing materials. A common planning mistake is to ask, "Does this idea sound interesting?" An event can sound interesting, or be something that I think others would like to do, but not be something my family would participate in. Expect a few families not to participate. Allow families to decline involvement. One group we belonged to expected every family to attend every event, whether it fit your children's ages and interests or not. We were often scolded by the leaders for not attending events and told that every family was expected to attend in order for any event to be considered successful. That group was not fun. Guilt-Free Homeschooling will allow each family to do the things that fit their interests without feeling obligated to participate in the things that they will not enjoy.

Should we allow drop-offs? We all may have occasions when we could use the opportunity of dropping our students off for the duration of the classes, while the parent attends to other business. However, I feel certain limitations should apply. Rushing one child to the nearest ER for stitches is always an acceptable reason for asking me to watch your other children unexpectedly; getting your nails done is not. Dropping students off should be the exception and not the rule. Parental involvement is the backbone of homeschooling -- if someone wants to drop her children off on a regular basis, maybe she should consider public school. Any children present without a parent should be old enough to care for themselves for most needs, should not experience separation anxiety or Mom's-gone-now-I-can-do-what-I-want behavior problems, AND they should also be under the supervision responsibility of another adult who is present. Emergency situations do arise, whether for medical attention or discipline, and having some adult delegated by the student's parent as interim guardian will cover a great number of problem situations. Once in a while, we may all have the need to drop off a child, but homeschool group events should never become a "Mom's-day-out" type of babysitting service -- that takes the "cooperation" right out of co-op classes.

Dare to try. Planning, organizing, and teaching co-op classes have taught me a great deal about myself, about my children, and about others. Getting involved and trying something new has opened doors I never dreamed possible. (These words you are now reading, for example.) Letting our imaginations run wild, we came up with class ideas that were terrific, a few that flopped, and others that we never had the chance to try, but I am sure they would have been wonderful. Dare to try something different and see what you can learn.

[For more information on cooperative classes and group activities, visit our Topical Index section on Co-op Groups.]

Homeschool Support Groups & Co-op Classes: The Basics

2005-05-13T13:15:00.000-05:00

My offer to write a series of articles on support groups and co-op classes is being well received: many of you would like to start support groups or expand your groups to offer a few classes. Some others, however, are new to both of these concepts and have asked for clarification -- a good idea, since readers of this site cover all parts of the planet and local phraseology does not. I will attempt to define my terms, especially for our home education partners in Great Britain and Australia whose online journal entries can leave me puzzling over our common language. For those who have not experienced any of these efforts and for those who may have experienced them but called them by different names, here is what I mean.

Homeschool Support Groups consist of like-minded families meeting to encourage each other, share ideas, form playgroups, fellowship together through picnics or potluck dinners (each family bringing a couple of dishes to share with all other families), field trips, sports teams, etc. "Like-minded" in this case refers to families who participate in educating their children at home, regardless of which homeschooling method is used. Children can also be encouraging to each other, not just the adults, since all of the children share similar (though not identical) homeschooling situations. Some groups may wish to specialize further by focusing on a particular method such as "classical homeschooling," "unit studies," or "the Charlotte Mason method.' [Groups may also wish to differentiate themselves by specific religious affiliation: Christian, Jewish, LDS, pagan, etc. More on this here.]

Co-op Classes are a cooperative effort among several families or a support group to supplement their children's home education by working together on large group projects. These may range from simple to elaborate and may meet only once or on a regularly scheduled basis, but the topics covered should involve areas that are difficult to do at home with only one family. Some activities (such as knitting) are best taught at home with only a few students participating; others (team sports, for example) often do not work best in the home, needing a larger space or more participants to present the subject matter in the most effective manner. Cooperating with other families for certain endeavors can bring together a larger group of students while still maintaining the spirit of homeschooling. This is not forming a private school but applying homeschooling methods to a group larger than just one family.

Moms' Meetings are monthly business meetings for the purposes of discussion, planning, fellowship, and sharing ideas. Nursing babies were always welcome in the groups I attended, but other children and Dads were occupied elsewhere, giving the mothers time to share each other's burdens and offer helpful advice or plan future group events. Some meetings included devotional time or a member sharing a brief topical presentation of interest to the group (such as Motivating Reluctant Students). Meetings were usually held in the evening; some were held in homes (for a small group), while a rather large group met in a church meeting room. Refreshments were as varied as the members: some provided ice water only, others had multiple desserts, coffee, and tea. (Since many of us are often limiting our calorie intake and the meetings took place after the evening meal, simple beverages were usually all that was desired.) Note: I do not intend to offend or exclude the fathers who homeschool their children and often find themselves in the minority at group events almost exclusively populated by women. For simplicity, I have let the majority rule prevail.

Gym Nights required securing a local gymnasium for use by our group, and the Dads took turns organizing simple games for the children and supervising a period of playtime while the Moms were occupied at their meeting. Sometimes the older children were separated from the younger children (for safety's sake), and outdoor activities were provided when the weather allowed. Other times the entire group was divided into balanced teams for games. My son was a big fan of "Capture the Flag," a game where strategy was often more valuable than athletic prowess, and players of all ages and sizes could be valuable assets to their team. Since many Dads were present, there were always plenty of eyes to supervise little people and not just the one or two Dads who were in charge of planning that night's events.

Field Trips mean going to a location for a tour or demonstration. Examples: arranging a visit to a bakery, printing shop, or small factory where the owner tells the children a little about running his business. [more ideas here]

Group Events may present the results of a class. Examples: art fair, vocal music performance, or drama performance. Other types of special events hosted by the group may include standardized testing, taking individual "school" photos, or a sports tournament. [more ideas here]

Any of these events may occur only one time, or they may be repeated on a regular basis -- as often or as seldom as your group desires. I have participated with four different support groups; one group met twice a month for co-op classes and one evening each month for the Moms' Meeting/Gym Night. Another group held one special event day per month, but did not do formal "classes." I recommend planning each spring for the next year's group schedule. Many families may want to work the group schedule into the theme of their own lessons, so advance planning is very important for them. I have heard of groups that meet once each week, but our curriculum plans would have made it difficult for us to participate weekly. As with all other scheduling, be sure you (the parents) are governing the schedule for your family, not in submission to it. Participate in events outside your home when they are convenient or beneficial to your family, but do not allow them to become more important than your family unity. When putting your family first, you are allowed to say "no" Guilt-Free.

Our April Moms' Meeting was an idea session where we took suggestions for classes, events, and field trips from all members of the group. Then very dedicated planning committees (separate committees for classes & field trips) met once or twice during the next four weeks to organize the schedule and delegate responsibilities, and the final results were announced at the May Moms' Meeting. One of the Moms had a friend who raised ostriches; she suggested a field trip to learn all about them, scheduled a date, and made the arrangements with the owner for a visit to the ostrich ranch. Another family had a son with a very successful hobby of raising tropical fish, and he offered to teach a two-session class on aquarium basics. (Students who taught classes got the added benefit of public speaking experience in a friendly, informal atmosphere.) Each family has something to share with the group, whether it is organizational skills or a hobby they can demonstrate. Ideas can range from a one-time, one-hour presentation to a semester of coaching drama rehearsals, culminating in the performance of a play.

Once I took up the challenge of working with another Mom to organize a very involved science-themed event that brought together families from four different support groups and covered homeschoolers in ten counties, a radius of approximately 50 miles. Response was so tremendous that we actually had to split the entire group in half and plan the two separate events simultaneously. It was a massive organizational triumph of multiple classes and field trips that came off nearly perfectly, but the grand scale was nothing I wish to repeat in this lifetime. The biggest lessons I learned from the undertaking were a) I am capable of much more than I had suspected, and b) never get involved in planning something with Mrs. I-can-do-it-all-and-more. (My daughter has reminded me to add c) how much I appreciate my daughter's computer savvy for databases and spreadsheets!)

Now that you all understand what I am talking about, I will address deeper aspects of support groups, co-op classes, field trips, etc. While you are waiting for the next article to appear, you can begin brainstorming and write down your own ideas of things you would like to do with your own children or in combination with other families. Happy thinking!

[For more information on cooperative classes and group activities, visit our Topical Index section on Co-op Groups.]

Thinking About Next Year?

2005-05-09T11:37:00.000-05:00

This is the time when many of you are beginning to think about your next school year. Jenny is prompting me to write a series of articles on the homeschool co-op groups and classes we participated in to give you a few more ideas to think about. While that opens up a vast realm of topic areas, I would like to begin with what you, our readers, want to know first. If you do not currently have a co-op group (but may be interested in starting one), or if your current group would like to expand into holding a large-group class or two, we may be able to offer a few pointers -- such as mistakes we made that you could avoid. So, speak up -- leave your comments or email us. Otherwise, you will be subjected to my rambling from topic to topic and, maybe, eventually covering the one thing you really need to know, if I get there at all. :-)

[For more information on cooperative classes and group activities, visit our Topical Index section on Co-op Groups.]

Stereotypes Proven (in reverse) at College Orientation

2005-05-04T12:44:00.000-05:00

As our son is completing his Associate degree at our local community college, we are taking the needed steps to transfer his educational studies to a state university for the completion of his Bachelor degree. A part of this process meant spending one day recently at Orientation Day at The Big U. Transferring students were occupied in one building with academic counseling and advising, registering for fall classes, getting ID pictures taken, and sampling the student union's food court. Parents were whisked away to another building on the large campus and submitted to a bevy of speakers from the faculty and staff. (Our lunch will not be mentioned, except to admit that I snobbishly opted to drink my ice water from a coffee cup, rather than the dirty glasses that were offered.)

Since this is our second child to advance through college, we were already somewhat familiar with the routine. However, I did find quite a few differences from the small, private colleges our daughter attended. It seems that the stereotypes we have all heard attributed to homeschooling are true -- in some respects. The stereotypes addressed were all things that have been actual problems at The University: the ultra-shy student who has no clue how to talk to people or make friends, the student who cannot get himself up in the morning and off to class on time, the student who is confused by the class material and cannot or will not ask questions of the professor, the student who has never taken notes in class, never studied for a test, never written a paper, never experienced "real" school. However, these stereotypes were not pointed at homeschooled students but at the public school students!

At first, I felt offended that these staff members would dare to assume that my student fell into any of these categories. As the question-and-answer sessions continued, I began to realize that most of the parents in the room had such children. The full scope of this was mind-boggling to me. These administrators are used to seeing students of this type. They expected only slightly better from our group of transfers students who have attended some college classes already, but since our students have only been to community college, they still do not really know what real college work is like. (Read with patronizing tone of voice, smirk, and head-bobbing wink.) Never mind the fact that our son has managed to survive classes from big-fish-in-a-small-pond professor-wannabe teachers who maniacally assigned graduate-level work to their freshmen and sophomores to "get you used to it."

Two moms at our table nodded along with the speaker, agreeing that yes, in fact, their sons were painfully shy waifs who would never speak to a stranger or attempt in any way to establish a friendship with someone who was not already a lifelong acquaintance. Your child must be like that, too, they mistakenly presumed of us. As though perfectly timed and rehearsed, my husband and I laughed and responded in unison, "No. He's not like that at all." I continued, "If you see a crowd of people and hear a burst of laughter, our son will be at the center of it." When we met up with our son later, he had indeed made several new friends in his field of study, shot a few games of pool with them over the lunch break, and signed up for a class with at least one of them. (Should I be feeling sorry for the poor public schooled introverts upon whom we are inflicting this homeschooled wonder?)

Among other important topics (such as meningitis can be spread through sharing a Chapstick), we were also informed of what must be a relatively new phenomenon in the world of higher education: Sudden Onset Reading Disability. I am not making this up. The woman stood at the front of the room and reported this with a straight face. Students are coming to the university who have gone all the way through high school, perhaps some community college, and then they suddenly develop an inability to read properly. I had to hold myself down in my chair to avoid jumping up and ripping the microphone away from her, proclaiming the freedom parents have to teach reading through phonics in homeschooling. Those kids never knew how to read! I wanted to scream. They were just passed through the system because identifying the problem would mean admitting the system's failures!!! Through tremendous exertion of self-control and wrapping my legs around the chair's legs, I managed to restrain myself in relative silence and not start a riot, because, after all, this particular university is known nation-wide for producing new public school teachers. (Am I allowed to pray to keep the computer-science-major boy far away from the education-major girls?)

Parents, if you are homeschooling your children now, be encouraged that you are doing the right thing. Explore all facets of learning and help your students develop a thirst for knowledge that will last a lifetime and the skills to satisfy that thirst on their own. Expand your home education to include more than just textbooks, more than just worksheets, more than just the four walls of your home. I am seeing more evidence every day that homeschooling truly provides the best opportunities for an excellent education and results in well-rounded students who know how to tackle the problems life presents. To any parents who are not currently homeschooling, but are beginning to consider it more seriously, it is my strongly held belief that you can do nothing better for your children than to teach them yourselves at home -- and the latest crop of college entrants seems to prove it.

Disadvantages of Homeschooling

2005-05-02T11:10:00.000-05:00

[This article is intended to be satire and should be taken as such. For more information on homeschooling, visit any of the other articles on this website.]

Most people will agree that the one-on-one tutoring of homeschooling has some distinct advantages for the student. However, those same people will point out that there are also many disadvantages to homeschooling, besides the obvious reduction to only one spouse's income while the other remains at home to teach the kiddies. Devout homeschoolers promptly argue that they find rewards in teaching their children at home far beyond what they could derive from a second income, but is there more to the story? Let us take a deeper look into some of the other disadvantages of homeschooling.

1) No certification of teachers -- Instead of highly educated, state-certified professionals, homeschoolers must leave their children in the care of the parents. The latest, university-recommended, state-of-the-art, leading-edge, experimental teaching techniques are replaced by a 24/7 relationship based merely on familial love and first-hand knowledge of the entire family situation. Long-used, old-fashioned methods must suffice.

2) Removing the "best learners" from the classroom -- Parents who choose to homeschool are removing the "cream of the crop," and leaving the public school teachers to deal with the dregs of society. The teacher who explained this stated that once the easy-to-teach, eager-to-learn, "good" children have all been transferred by their parents to education at home, her job will be much more difficult as she would have to work at teaching the remaining "hard" students. Parents should, therefore, leave their children in public school to make the teachers' jobs easier.

3) Extreme organizational skills required -- Homeschoolers should maintain perfect order in their homes at all times, oversee the storage of every book, workbook, writing assignment, art project, and science experiment, and supervise all reading, writing, and mathematical computation. In order to verify a quality education, it should be absolutely necessary to produce all previous student work as proof of proper understanding. Attendance charts, grade books, and records of all homeschool-related spending should also be mandatory.

4) Life in a Bubble -- Homeschoolers have no opportunity to experience life in multi-cultural classrooms. Homeschoolers are restricted to their family experiences, which are limited to their own biased lifestyle. Homeschooled students usually do not hold classes on drug use and abuse, s*x education, or alternative lifestyles, and therefore will see a naive, Pollyanna-like view of the world.

5) No socialization -- Homeschooled students are primarily only-children whose families live in extremely remote areas and never visit anyone. They also never shop in stores or go to the doctor or dentist. They have no friends, no extended families, and no church. They steer far away from scouting, organized recreational sports, and all other club-type activities. Since these homeschoolers have no opportunities to attend prom or participate in team sports or vocal/instrumental musical groups, they will obviously never meet members of the opposite s*x, never engage in casual dating, and, therefore, never marry. (However, this should prevent any future generations of homeschoolers and set at ease the minds of public educators who are worried about job security.)

6) No breaks from your children -- It would be like having the dreaded summer break last all year: the children would not leave in late August and be gone until early June. They would not be occupied Monday through Friday with an 8-3 schedule, supplemented by evening and weekend events, nor would they have homework to fill their remaining time. Instead, they would be at home, every day, all the time.

7) No age grouping -- Homeschooled children are not grouped with others their exact age, except for the infrequent case of a twin sibling. They are subjected to a world full of adults.

8) No peer influences -- No group of fashionistas to advise your daughters on the latest in haute couture. No group of super-jocks to initiate your sons with long celebrated locker-room rituals.

9) No yearly shopping trip for back-to-school items -- No longer would parents have good reason for racing to the back-to-school aisles as soon as they are stocked in early July. Homeschooled students will be totally ignorant that their recently selected fashions will have become outdated (by public school standards) as soon as October, and they will continue wearing the clothing for as long as it fits.

10) No riding the school bus -- A vital part of any quality education, no bus rides also means a lack of experience with "pecking order," the right of older students to control who is allowed to sit in which seat. Homeschooled students are fated to take their field trips in the family car/van, confined by the seatbelts and airbags which are not required in buses.

11) No schedules -- Homeschoolers rarely have to keep to a time schedule, which will cause them to become inherently lazy. While home educators are expected to teach specific subjects and hold classes every day, their students are not under pressure to be up by a certain time each morning, rush to catch the bus, or have assignments done by a deadline.

12) No diploma -- High school diplomas are only awarded to students who have proven their ability to survive four years of intense peer pressure and substandard educational fare. A truly civilized society should require that you produce your diploma as a basic form of identification.

13) No college opportunities -- Colleges do not want students who study in their rooms and actually complete assignments. Colleges depend on free-spirited, loose-moraled students to maintain the party atmosphere, so any serious-about-education homeschoolers would surely be rejected immediately.

14) Incredible cost -- Besides purchasing all of the necessary homeschool curricula, there is the added cost of further education, should a homeschooler actually break out of his shell and be accepted into a college. The ubiquitous high grades will attract a few scholarships, but those only cover part of the costs, leaving the parents to come up with the remaining fees. Since homeschooled students seem to be quite fanatical about education, many desire further schooling past high school. Some start with community colleges or correspondence classes, thereby persuading universities to accept the education that began at home.

[For those who may be confused, check the disclaimer at the top of this article. ]

*Unfortunately, the spelling of some words had to be edited to eliminate undesirable search engine hits.

Homeschooling an Only Child

2005-04-26T14:44:00.001-05:00

Two questions are asked with surprisingly equal frequency: "How can I teach more than one child at a time?" and "How can I homeschool my only child?" It is true that the only-child presents his own unique situation to homeschooling. While it may be simpler to prepare and execute lessons for only one student, there are also many educational scenarios in which only one student presents a distinct disadvantage. (A similar set of circumstances arises from siblings who are five or more years apart in age -- while they may share the same home setting, they are often too far apart academically to share lessons or educational activities, theoretically producing an only-child with siblings.)

The primary concern of most parents homeschooling an only-child is that he will not acquire the social skills gained from interacting with peers his own age. While that may be true during his time spent on lessons, it certainly does not have to be the case for the remainder of his time. Opportunities abound for recreational sports, scouting groups, and church events with age-mates, even if there is no homeschool support group available for cooperative classes or field trips.

I spoke recently with a homeschool mom who undertook the challenge to organize a specific homeschool group activity that she wanted her child to participate in. The event had not been held previously in her area, but she felt strongly enough about it to leave her comfort zone and coordinate the project herself. The event was progressing with great success when I met with her, and she was bubbling over with enthusiasm for the cooperative effort. Perhaps having only one child is your opportunity to step up in organizing an activity you feel strongly about with other families. This does not destine you to putting together all the events for your area or that you need to coordinate your entire life with other families, but planning an occasional event may be appreciated by the mothers who have less time to plan than you do. (Every homeschooling family has something to offer the others in their area, and we can all benefit from sharing our meager "talents.")

The only-child has the advantage of being able to monopolize Mom's attention without difficulty, since there are no other students with whom he has to share her time. This can lead to the single student failing to learn how to teach himself -- Mom is always available, so there is no need to learn to study by himself. The other extreme is also quite possible: the highly motivated single student can become so independent that he feels no need for interaction with anyone. "All things in moderation" applies to homeschooling just as well as to many other areas of life: strive for a balance of one-on-one tutoring in your student's difficult subjects and allowing him to work independently in the areas where he does not struggle.

After my daughter had graduated from homeschooling and entered college fulltime, I found myself in an only-child scenario with my son. Suddenly he had no one else for companionship or competition, and I was expected to fill the bill. Math became our area for working together, and he did most of his other subjects on his own with only occasional direction from me. He lacked speed and drive in completing his math assignments at that point in time, and using me for a "classmate" helped to spur him on. This was a higher level of math than I was familiar with, so I studied the lesson and copied the problems into my own notebook, then handed the textbook over for him to study the lesson and begin solving the problems as we worked together at the dining room table. He enjoyed stumping Mom whenever he could, so he would push himself to work faster and try to get beyond my progress. Some days he would get started on the lesson before I did, prompting me to play catch-up. Fortunately, math is my strong suit, and he could seldom complete a round of problems before I did. Devoting my time to learning pre-calculus at this stage of life was a sacrifice that I felt was more important than getting my housework out of the way. The laundry could sit for one more hour -- my attention was required elsewhere.

Homeschooling the only-child offers nearly limitless discussion possibilities, spontaneous field trip opportunities, and situations for following fascinating educational bunny-trails. The only-child's teacher must stand in many times as a classmate, lab partner, or peer companion, but those situations do provide practice in the interpersonal interaction required for group dynamics later. Whenever circumstances allow, take advantage of contact with others -- whether playmates, teammates, or the casual contacts of fellow shoppers. Engage your child in safe conversations with your casual acquaintances while shopping to reduce his apprehension of speaking in public. Some families have found situations for involving their children in serving others, such as visiting elderly friends in a nursing home or doing simple yardwork chores for elderly neighbors. The only-child who will be uncomfortable in group situations is the one who has not interacted with anyone face-to-face, but has been allowed to disappear into his room interfacing only with video games.

When I was a little girl, my neighbor's granddaughter would come to visit for a week in the summertime. This girl was the only child of older-than-the-norm, highly educated parents, and although she was several years younger than I, her knowledge and perspective were far beyond mine. Since I was the only available playmate in the neighborhood, I was asked to go "entertain" her. We played together many times, but I always felt like she was the one entertaining me. She lived in a world of intellectual adults and discussed topics from their points of view. I was brought into the picture to ensure that she got a few opportunities to be a child.

With your only-child, try to balance their interests between childhood and adulthood -- include many age-appropriate activities along with the intellectual pursuits that may be advanced beyond the student's chronological age. We unconsciously often expect a child to adapt to our adult way of thinking and acting, when we could more easily adapt ourselves to the child's level. I cannot think of a single adult I know who would not benefit from a relaxed afternoon of kite-flying, taking a casual nature walk, reading aloud from Winnie the Pooh or Alice in Wonderland, or other equivalent pursuit in the company of a child. Stopping to smell the proverbial roses brings many more delights than appear on the surface level.

Teaching only one child may require more attention to hands-on, and sometimes hands-off, learning as you work at balancing tutoring with independent study. Teaching only one child allows you to drop the schedule on a whim to pursue a deeper interest. Teaching only one child requires you to offer suitable occasions for integrating your student with others, whether in play, in shopping, or in service opportunities. Although there are challenges to overcome with only one student, teaching only one child offers you an even closer relationship with your child, by being his classmate and confidante as well as being his parent and teacher.

When Good Kids Become Not So Good

2005-04-25T13:19:00.000-05:00

[This article may not be much help to parents whose children are in total rebellion. Not having experienced that, I feel unqualified to speak to it. It is my desire to help families stop problems while they are still small, in order to prevent them from becoming huge. My son is now a sophomore in our local community college and a most wonderful young man. I will attempt to explain the changes we went through.]

You had a few beautiful babies, you survived their transitions from infancy through toddlerhood into childhood, you are now homeschooling little sponges who soak up everything you present, and life is good. Then one day one of your sweet, adorable, precious babes morphs into this mouthy, irritating, button-pushing creature that you do not even recognize most of the time. How in the world did this happen? What can you do to reverse it and get your sweetie back?

As a general rule, I did not allow sassy, mouthy comments or superior attitudes as a part of normal communication. Occasionally, we would all engage in some light-hearted teasing, but never aimed at embarrassment, humiliation, or ridicule. (If you can't feel "safe" with your own family, where can you feel safe?) I have noticed, however, many families whose children are permitted on a regular basis to say very hurtful things in very hurtful ways to parents, siblings, and non-family members, and often without any correction whatsoever. I have many memories of gently, but firmly, pulling one of my children aside to a private conference, where I explained what I had found objectionable, what I considered a proper alternative response to be, why this behavior should not be repeated, exactly what the consequences of a repeat offense would be, and what must be done immediately as restitution.

Despite this basic training in acceptable behavior, sometime in his pre-teen years, my son gradually began mouthing off more and more often, purposely irritating his sister, and becoming generally more uncooperative to me. My husband and I tried heart-to-heart discussions, reminding him that this behavior would not be tolerated, and that helped -- a little. We revoked privileges as necessary with the same results: temporary turn-arounds, but not a long-term change of heart. It seemed as though there were still times when he just had to misbehave, as if it was uncontrollable, pent-up frustration.

A couple of years before this, we had joined a homeschool co-op group where my children made new friends, we participated in many activities with the group, and we all enjoyed the fellowship. However, there were some undesirable elements in this group, but they were not other children -- it was a few of the adults with exceptionally rigorous, legalistic standards. It seemed that the most unreasonable parents had especially introverted offspring and did not respond well to outgoing, fun-loving, happy children acting like children.

When one of the ultra-legalistic parents felt my son had stepped over the line on her rules governing our coop-class days, he replied that he was not aware of any wrong-doing. When I also stood up to her abusive control and supported my son, it was a breakthrough point for both of us. He was thrilled to know that Mom believed in him, and I was thrilled to know he was strong enough to stand up against corrupt authority.

We were attending a church at that time that was also less than desirable. Through several nightmarish situations, we decided to break fellowship with both the church and the homeschool group. It was like the dawning of a new day. The longer we had stayed with both groups, the worse my son's attitude had become, only I could not see that at the time. Once we were free and the haze had cleared, I began to see that both of those groups had put an expectation on my son that boys are bad. Even though my son had a good, pure heart, the atmosphere of both places was poison to him. He was told he would be mouthy, rebellious, and a trouble-maker, and he found himself fulfilling those expectations even when he did not try to do so knowingly.

My prayer at that time was to be able to teach and discipline the boy, while still encouraging the young man within. It is a difficult transition when our sons and daughters begin to look like the men and women of their future adulthood, but think and act like the children they still are inside. A mom sometimes has to reprimand a teen-aged boy with great tact so as not to emasculate the man who will later head his own household. I tried to be especially sensitive to my son's physical, mental, and emotional changes, speaking to him as to an adult, so as to avoid insulting to his efforts to attain manhood. At the same time, I tried my best to remember that he was not yet an adult and that his occasional childlike behavior was appropriate to his age.

As we began attending a new church, we did not whine or complain about our previous situations, but quietly joined the fellowship with no "baggage." People in the new church saw things quite differently: since my son was no longer expected to be the token hoodlum or trouble-making ringleader of the group, he did not feel the need to act out. He could relax and be himself again, without fear of anyone lurking around corners, watching his every move. He was recognized as a peer-leader in the youth fellowship and held up to all as a prime example of a fine young man (age 13). What a boost that was to his self-image! He was suddenly free of the negative cloud that had shadowed him for several years, and he felt led to rededicate his life to Jesus Christ and begin afresh. Since that time, he has grown tremendously in his personal faith, makes time every day to read his Bible, and has a strong desire to serve God in whatever capacity is available. He now has a true servant's heart where he formerly had frustration and confusion.

My summary advice is to look outside of your currently-not-so-good child to see if there is a larger influence causing the problems. I firmly believe that children need to be allowed their small, harmless, "finding myself" rebellions so that they will not need larger ones, but sometimes they may be the innocent good apples stuck in the barrel with the proverbial bad apple. God's guidance pulled us away from two bad influences before permanent harm was done, and I pray the same for your family, that God will guide you to break any ties that may be potentially harmful.

The Ideal Homeschool Atmosphere

2005-04-20T11:55:00.000-05:00

More than anything else, I need (________) to homeschool effectively. What would you put in that blank? My guess is that nearly everyone's answer would match mine: patience. I hear it from other Moms, I read it in online forums, I see it at homeschool get-togethers: patience is a primary goal for most homeschooling parents. There is that old line about the most dangerous way to get patience is to pray for it, because God will allow you to go through a very painstaking process to develop patience. Homeschooling often seems to fit that description quite well. Besides desiring patience for ourselves as teachers, we secondly wish for our students to have patience: with themselves in learning difficult lesson concepts, with their siblings, with us as fumbling, first-time teachers.

A similar aspiration to patience would have to be self-control. I may be able to find the patience to go over a lesson for the umpteenth time, trying to help my student understand the concept, but I definitely have difficulty with self-control over my initial reactions. Frustration, anger, despair, confusion, and many other emotions may burst to the surface before I can stop them. Sometimes laughter erupts at the most inopportune times, leaving my child embarrassed and self-conscious, when that is never my intention. Students also will benefit from a healthy dose of self-control -- sibling rivalry starts with a lack of it and could be stopped by the presence of it. Control over self and all of self's insecurities would propel students forward to try again and again without despairing over repeated failures.

What other attributes do I desire for my children to have as they grow into adulthood? Primarily, I want my children to have faith -- a strong faith in God that will stay with them for a lifetime. Faith, an unyielding trust in God, is what keeps us going during the dark times, the hard seasons of life. Faith, a reliance upon God alone, pays its own rewards when no one else seems to notice our efforts. Faith reminds us to be humble and to look upon others through God’s eyes of unconditional love.

I also want my children to be kind to each other, to be kind to others outside our family, to be kind to animals, to treat all of life as the precious creations of God. I want them to be gentle with their younger siblings, gentle with their pets, and gentle with their possessions. Kindness, gentleness, and respect are virtues that no one can argue against.

We all remind our children to "be good." When they go off to play with a friend, when they leave home for a weekend at Grandma's, when we leave the room to answer the telephone, we admonish them to be good. "Good" is a relative term. "Good" is much better than "bad," but not quite as nice as "wonderful." Of course, I want my children to obey the family rules and to stay away from drugs, tobacco, and alcohol, but I do not just want them to be good, I also want them to do good. I want them to think of others first and offer the last brownie to someone else before snarfing it down themselves. I want them to carry the groceries in from the car instead of considering that to be Mom's job. I want them to pick up after themselves, not just to avoid being nagged about it, but because they know they should do it. I know my children will play nicely with others, will say "please" and "thank you" to Grandma, and will not kick the dog the minute my back is turned, but I also want them to be shining examples of goodness wherever they go in life.

When my children have learned to be kind to each other, to do good for each other, to treat things gently, and to trust God for patience with me, with their siblings, and with themselves, and when I have gained self-control and patience in teaching, our homeschool days will be filled with peace and joy and love for each other. However, our personal attempts at mastering each of these things are limited by our human capabilities. I will be sailing along, having a great day, thinking that everything is finally going according to plan, and boom -- it all falls apart. Something surprisingly insignificant can trigger a chain reaction of nuclear proportions, tumbling my perfect day into ruins.

The only solution is to bring in a power larger than myself to maintain the peace. God's word says that love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control are the fruit of His Holy Spirit. A life filled with the Holy Spirit will bloom with these attributes. They are the direct results, the consequences, of giving one's life over to God's control. No matter how much I try on my own, no amount of effort will produce them with any lasting results. Only God has the ability to control my self-will, place in me the desire to be truly good or kind or gentle, to keep me at peace, to fill me with His love, and to override all the downfalls of my days with His ever-present joy. The ideal life and the ideal homeschool atmosphere are the outcome of total reliance on God for His guidance every day -- and I have to remind myself of it every day.

The Never-ending Question: "Whyyyyyyyyyy?"

2005-04-11T11:22:00.000-05:00

Perhaps you have, or know, or used to be the child who repeatedly asks "Why?" to every remark that is spoken, whether by a parent, sibling, or friend. Usually it starts with the preschooler who truly is trying to gain knowledge about the world he lives in. However, if continued unchecked, in a few short years it can turn into a game of "How long does it take to frustrate Mom?" because, no matter what Mom says, he can again ask "Why?"

If you allow it, children will use "Why?" as a game to push your buttons more than they will use it as a way to gain knowledge. The first time you get caught not paying attention and find yourself answering half a dozen why's in a row, your child will realize he has stumbled onto a fascinating game. (As long as I keep asking "Why," Mom will keep trying to answer. I wonder how long this will continue!)

Before I answered the never-ending question too quickly, I gave my child some time and encouragement to think the situation through and reason it out for himself. Then if he still did not understand, I allowed the question and answered it. I tried to provoke a discussion with the child by turning the questions back on him and asking for his opinion of why. Sometimes my student could derive the correct solution on his own, and sometimes he needed an adult's perspective in order to see a more accurate view. Expanding the conversation to a discussion will either a) satisfy the child's thirst for real knowledge, or b) take all the fun out of his frustration game and convince him to change activities.

By no means should the question "why" be forbidden completely; on the contrary, it is a valuable learning tool when applied to research. We should always encourage questioning when it will lead to learning. Our responsibility as parents and educators is to distinguish the motive behind the question: is the child seeking to understand or is the child attempting to annoy? I answer reasonable questions to the best of my ability, but I do not give complete control of the conversation over to the child by allowing incessant, meaningless questions. I believe in turning their questions into teaching opportunities.

Can You Convince My Husband to Homeschool?

2005-04-08T11:13:00.000-05:00

Here is another goodie from my email box: Do you have any magic words or potions to convince my husband that homeschooling is truly the best thing for our children? --Frustrated Mom

To begin with, a wife should be willing to submit to whatever her husband decides, since he is the head of their household. Sometimes, just seeing that his wife has agreed to let him make the decision is enough to sway a husband into reconsidering a matter. If he already knows how strongly she feels about this issue, maybe he just needs to know that he has an important role in making the decision. Many husbands will have pre-conceived ideas about education to deal with, so they need plenty of time and space for thinking things through. Be faithful, be submissive, and leave it in God's hands. After all, God is big enough to change the mind and heart of even the most stubborn person -- look what He did to Saul (Paul) in the book of Acts.

If you are a new reader to this site, I am going to suggest several of my previous articles which include helpful background information that may help you answer your spouse's questions about homeschooling. These are for the pro-homeschool spouse to read (whether husband or wife), since shoving them under your mate's nose would be likely to produce the wrong effect entirely. If your spouse becomes more interested later, you will probably be asked where you found your information. These articles were not written for the purpose of browbeating a spouse into submission to homeschooling, but as you read them, you will likely come across situations you had not considered before. Use those topics for open, honest discussion with each other about how homeschooling will change your lives, in both positive and negative ways. Listen to your spouse's concerns with an open mind, knowing that the more you discuss, the more you will understand each other's point of view, and the more you will come into agreement with each other -- regardless of what decision is made.

Start here for the basics, the most frequently asked questions relating to homeschooling:
Common Homeschooling Myths Dispelled -- many commonly held (but false) beliefs about homeschooling
Socialization and Why You Don't Need It -- addresses the dreaded S-question
The Socialization Myth, part 2 -- ditto
The Myth of Age-Mates -- ditto, again
Discouraging Families -- how to deal with in-laws and others who may disagree with a decision to homeschool

Your husband may also be mulling over how the change to homeschooling will affect other areas of your lives:
--Increased workload for you -- see Where Do I Begin? and Using Your Household Staff
--No time away from the children -- see Family is Spelled T-E-A-M, and Siblings as Best Friends
--Financial burden of purchasing curriculum and supplies -- see But Public School Is Free...Won't Homeschooling Cost a Lot?
He may even worry that he could lose your attention, since your focus would be turned to the children most of the time. (See Involving Dads in Homeschooling)

If you know any other homeschooling families, you might consider putting together a casual fun night with them and your family, or ask if your family can attend a homeschool group function with them. That way your husband can get to know some of the other dads and see first-hand how things work. Men often relate better to hands-on activities than to reams of printed information, so the more face-to-face, eyewitness contacts you can provide, the better your case will be made. The same things apply to children who are not "sold" on homeschooling: providing an opportunity for them to spend time with homeschooled children near their ages lets your children see the "kid's eye view."

We spent several months checking things out before we actually began homeschooling: we made our decision in early April, finished out the school year in public school (not easy when the school was very unsatisfactory), talked with other homeschooling families over the summer, then began our first year of homeschooling in September. (We tried to start in late August, but --wouldn't you know it -- I got my first call to jury duty! Lesson #1: Life happens; homeschooling is flexible.) The more interaction we had with other homeschooling parents, the more assured we were in our decision. We attended potluck picnics with two different homeschool support groups, allowing our children to meet new friends and interact with them while we talked with the parents. We visited the home of at least one homeschooling family, who graciously answered all our questions as well as they could and encouraged us to interview their children for their opinions. That Mom also loaned me a stack of books and magazines about homeschooling to fill my summer. As I read every word, I took notes on the best parts, recording which book they were from. I still have that notebook and refer to it occasionally when I need an encouraging boost.

The first year of homeschooling can be very difficult, -- do not let anyone tell you otherwise!!! Removing your children from public school to switch to homeschooling is more difficult than starting to homeschool from preschool or Kindergarten level. However, the second year of homeschooling is infinitely easier because you realize you have done this once before, and each successive year continues to get easier as you develop your own personal, comfortable routine. (See Homeschool Failures I Have Known and What Can Be Learned from Them) If you are leaving "school" to begin homeschooling, you may find an area or two of weakness. (See Meatball Education: Filling in the Potholes of Public School)

Our personal testimony of choosing, then continuing, homeschooling can be found in Our Reasons for Homeschooling and Start Homeschooling for One Reason, but Continue for Another. Also see Homeschool Beginnings: A Child's Point of View for my daughter's testimony of what she experienced during the switch.

Finally, see Do the Best Job You Can and Pray for God to Clean Up the Rest. It is not worth strife in your home to have Mom and Dad at odds with each other over this decision. If you are not able to homeschool, or cannot begin as soon as you would like, your children will survive. Millions of us made it through public school, even though homeschooling may have been a much better option. Only God knows what your future holds, so you must trust that God can guide your husband's decision. Your willingness to abide by your husband's decision in this matter will provide its own rewards. You face your hardest job right now -- that of being the patient wife and mother who hides her emotions so as not to manipulate or cloud the facts.

No matter how strongly I may feel about homeschooling, I know that God has ordained our husbands to be the heads of our homes, and God will honor our obedience to our husbands. Only God can truly convince a person's heart of what He wants them to do. Be patient, be supportive, and be faithful in prayer for God's best for your spouse and for your children. God can handle the rest.

Standardized Testing

2005-04-05T16:50:00.002-05:00

Many readers live in areas where annual testing is mandatory for homeschoolers. One such reader sent me the following email: I would like to hear just about everything you can think of on the topic of standardized testing! This is an expansion of my reply to her.

Disclaimer: Please, please, please check the HSLDA website (http://ww.hslda.org) for the specific laws in your area before following my personal example. Homeschooling laws vary from state to state, and local school district administrators are usually not a reliable source for what those laws include. I am an advocate for homeschool education and view everything from a homeschool perspective. Standardized tests have been developed for use in public schools and therefore do not transition well to the homeschooling environment. For those who may believe testing is an accurate form of evaluation, please remember that I am sharing my personal experiences with standardized tests and how we used them in our homeschool atmosphere.

I live in Iowa, where annual testing is one of several options for legal homeschooling. We began homeschooling by using the Supervising Teacher method with a homeschool-friendly teacher. However, the multiple required visits felt like a disruptive waste of time for me, since the teachers we tried knew nothing about homeschooling, often took notes from me for ideas they could use in their classrooms, or suggested things that I considered inappropriate for my children. We struggled through that for many years and several different teachers until we finally switched to once-a-year testing. Being the fiercely independent sort that I am, it was a tremendous relief to me to deal with testing over a couple of days and be done with it for the rest of the year. We did "official" testing (as our legal accountability) for 3 years -- by then we had passed beyond the required age limit and were free from government supervision (hooray!).

After our first two years of homeschooling, I thought perhaps I should test my children to see where they were weakest. I purchased my own tests [Iowa Tests of Basic Skills (ITBS) -- the standard around here] from an independent curriculum supplier, which I will vaguely disguise as Billy Joe's Unusual Pantry, intending to use the information strictly for my own purposes of evaluation, not for legal accountability. [ITBS can be purchased and administered by any 4-year college graduate, regardless of degree field, through Billy Joe's.] Since no one in our family had the 4-year degree required for purchasing the tests, I ordered them in the name of another homeschool dad. His wife had made the offer, assuring me it would be okay with him; I later found out she had never told him. To skip over the nightmare part of this story, he (hearing about this for the 1st time) refused to sign the required document stating that he had personally overseen the testing, even though I assured him it was only a formality since no one outside our home would ever see the scores. However, a wonderfully sympathetic woman at Billy Joe's listened to my story in full and phoned me back with the results, saying she was not allowed to mail them to me (and I suspected she was giving me the scores orally from the broom closet!).

Before administering those tests to my children, my husband and I wrote out what we felt were the correct answers -- giving me an answer key to use in scoring the tests for my purposes of evaluation before mailing them back to Billy Joe's for their official scoring. (Returning all materials within a certain time period is a required part of the purchase agreement.) From that key, I could see what types of questions stumped my students and know what areas we needed to work on. Mostly, they tested poorly on what I call "non-subjects" like Social Studies (strange questions that were not really history and not really geography) or areas we had not covered yet (science, history, and geography for my 3rd grader; higher math for my 7th grader). The "official" scores did not match my calculated percentages at all, showing me that the questions were not ranked equally: a 20-question test did not score as 5% per question. Also, there was a question on the 7th grade social studies test about the political philosophies of Martin Luther King, Abraham Lincoln, Gandhi, and Malcolm X that I have yet to find anyone who can answer!

Based solely on this experience, I found the tests to be a poor method of evaluating my children's academic status. The subject areas tested, the types of questions used, the confusing scoring methods, and the added frustration of the uncooperative dad left me with a really bad taste in my mouth whenever the subject of standardized testing came up. My children later convinced me to allow them to take the tests under better circumstances, just for practice, and their successes there did improve my outlook. I eventually came to appreciate annual testing strictly for its simplicity in legal accountability.

I much prefer testing in a home, whether it is mine or a friend's, with a familiar church classroom as my next choice. One year a friend and I swapped children during the testing days: she tested my son while I taught her daughter in her home. My son had visited her home often enough to feel comfortable, and she and I used widely-separated areas to ensure quiet during the testing. I abhor public schools and prefer to stay as far away as possible. If I were in a situation that required testing my children at the public school, I would prefer that a) my children be tested by themselves, or b) any homeschooled students be tested together, but most of all c) my homeschooled students be tested in a separate area from the public school students. The time limitations of the tests do not allow extra time for acquainting oneself with a new environment: strange room, strange teacher, strange students. Therefore, the more familiar the situation, the better it will be for the student, enabling him to concentrate on the tests and do his best. However, Moms usually have more test anxiety than their students do, especially since homeschooled students seem to look upon testing as an interesting break from the normal routine.

Our homeschool co-op group provided testing for several years, but I did not submit those results to our school district, since at that time we were still under a supervising teacher. My children both voluntarily participated in the tests for practice purposes, theorizing that eventually they would need to take a college entrance exam (ACT or SAT) and wanted to be prepared for that type of timed, fill-in-the-oval test. The homeschool co-op testing was a decent way to go: familiar moms with the proper degrees administered the tests in the church where we met for other homeschool functions, while we non-degreed moms played in the nursery with the younger, non-testing children. Incidentally, the tests were acquired through a nearby Christian school who submitted our group's tests with their students' tests, calling us their "satellite school." The group-rate price discount was a wonderful blessing for us! For my son's final two years of testing, our pastor administered the tests in his office area -- the pastor volunteered and thought it was great fun.

Each testing service considers its product to be the one and only good test. Here in Iowa we hear repeatedly that the ITBS is the standard across the nation -- yet I have not heard that from anyone living outside this state. Since the tests are designed by "professional educators," specifically to judge how their own enterprise is doing, I see the tests as hopelessly flawed for homeschool use. (Remember, I broke the cardinal rule of testing and read through the tests myself!) Public schools routinely "cheat" by teaching specific test material ahead of time, filling in correct answers for the students, or posting correct answers where testing students can easily copy them during the test, thereby skewing the results to improve their school's scores. (Not rumors -- I have this from the participants.)

Because the tests cannot cover material identical to what every school teaches, standardized tests are nearly impossible for homeschooling parents to use for academic evaluation. The descriptor "standardized" implies that it is covering a core area of curriculum, but in this case, it is the supposed core of public school curriculum, plus some added questions from higher academic areas to point out higher achievers. Obviously, a public school test is not going to cover Biblical topics, creation science, or other specific areas valued by many homeschoolers, but it will cover evolution and similar subject areas that homeschoolers often avoid.

If your children take the tests, look over the resulting scores to see how each child ranks in general subject areas. Then shove your master copies of the scores deep into your filing cabinet and forget about them. [For legal accountability through testing in my state, copies of the results must be sent to both the local district and to the state Dept. of Education.] Do not put too much credence on the tests -- they are designed for public school students, not homeschooled students. Your students will probably score quite well -- after all, it is the students who score lower than 13% who are considered unsatisfactory. Homeschoolers usually score above 50% nationally (often much higher). The scores indicate how your student compared with all other students nationwide who took the same grade level test during the same month of the same year. [Note: make sure that your students understand that the scores do NOT reflect how many questions they answered correctly. The number of correct answers is never given, which is why I made my own answer keys -- to determine exactly what information my students did not know.]

For my own purposes of academic evaluation, I read the official scores using the 50% mark as my guideline: below that level meant we might need to work on that general subject area (unless it was evolution-heavy science); above that level meant we were doing just fine. Make sure your students understand that their goal is to do their best, not to score 100% -- a near impossibility on this type of test. Most of the pressure disappears once the children realize they are not supposed to know the correct answer to every question on the test, since many questions are purposely included that are far above the grade level of each test. Normal math or spelling tests that you may give in your homeschool usually only cover material you have already taught.

My personal opinion on annual testing is to do what you have to do in order to maintain compliance with your state's laws. Check with Home School Legal Defense Association -- http://www.hslda.org -- for the exact wording of the laws in your state -- there may be suitable non-testing options that the public schools do not know about or will not tell you about. Finally, relax, assuring yourself that your students will do the best they can and that the testing process will be valuable practice for college. If Mom is relaxed about the situation, the children will be more relaxed as well.

The Know-It-All Attitude

2005-04-01T09:28:00.000-06:00

Nothing gets my dander up more quickly than the Know-it-all attitude. Child or adult, friend or total stranger, I find this attitude prideful, self-serving, and downright ugly. The Know-it-all wants to be better than everyone else in the room and wants everyone else in the room to know he is better. Sometimes the attitude surfaces only briefly; at other times it is a full-time occupation.

The Know-it-all has a self-imposed learning disability -- he has chosen to block his mind from learning from anyone. No one can instruct or correct the Know-it-all, because he already knows and will be the first to tell you. No matter what fact you present to the Know-it-all, his response is always the same, "I know." Even when you can be certain that he could not know and does not know, the Know-it-all still responds in the same matter-of-fact, yet superior, way, "I know."

When my children began to display the Know-it-all attitude, we stopped everything and had a serious heart-to-heart discussion. Okay, it was more of a one-sided lecture, but I got my point across. "You did not know," was my calmly delivered opener. "Why do you think you told me that you did know?" -- a mostly rhetorical question, followed by my explanation of how we let pride take over our minds and try to make ourselves look smarter than we actually are. The desired result was that my children would recognize and admit to learning new things, no matter who was providing the information. We can learn from anyone and everyone, and the more we learn, the smarter we become. I do not gain any intelligence by falsely declaring myself to be in possession of a fact.

The next misstep, which falls close on the heels of the Know-it-all attitude of pride, is jealousy. How I get sickened when I see a parent who does not want his child to excel past the parent's abilities. This sounds completely ludicrous -- parents not wanting success for their children -- but I have seen it over and over. I have caught myself in the thought pattern, severely reprimanded myself for it, and then taken steps to help my child progress even farther.

My son wanted to learn to play guitar. I dug out my old "beginner" guitar, showed him how to read a chord chart, and gave him some basic instructions on technique and a few simple worship songs to try. Then I stepped out of his way and let him try it on his own. After a few false starts, he began having success. I gave him a better guitar -- success should be rewarded with a quality instrument. Eventually, he and the guitar became like Siamese twins, joined fingertips to fretboard. When he goes to his room just to retrieve a book, and I hear a few bars of sweet guitar music before he returns. His ability has quickly exceeded mine, and I think of myself as a fairly good player. He has taught himself to read tablature found on the internet for his favorite CD songs. He has learned to finger-pick complicated rhythms just by listening to them and trying. He absolutely impressed the socks off me last Christmas by picking "Carol of the Bells" for us after dinner! CAROL OF THE BELLS!!!

It has been tempting at times to become jealous of his ability. I could reprimand him for spending "too much time" on guitar and not enough time on his schoolwork, except that he does get the schoolwork done also. I could have made him buy his own guitar, rationalizing that he would "appreciate it more" if he had worked for it and earned it himself. I could point out his mistakes and ridicule him for not having each piece perfect when he plays for me. I could so easily completely destroy his love of music. Which is exactly what happens when jealousy is given a foothold. Instead, I have sat under his tutelage and allowed him to show me new chords. We have played together, laughing with delight as I struggled to keep up with his flying fingers.

My daughter and I have engaged in theological discussions in which we share new perspectives on familiar passages of scripture. However, the Know-it-all attitude often dances through my mind as she is explaining her latest insight. I must fight against pride to remind myself that I definitely do not know all there is to know, especially about the Bible. Humbly, I remind myself that I can learn from any situation, from any person. I turn my back on jealousy and remind myself to pay attention to what she is saying... and I learn. She is an adult now and lives in a different city, in a different cultural-mix, and has the benefit of many new experiences from which to teach. If the Know-it-all attitude were allowed to reign, I would miss all of that.

I grew up without encouragement. My family did not express emotions of joy, at least not to us as children. Our accomplishments received a mere nod, if anything at all. Once when I had worked very hard and finally mastered my desired goal, my mother responded with a flat, emotionless "I knew you could do it." The Know-it-all attitude strikes again. Confidence shattered, excitement crushed, self-esteem ground under the heels of the Know-it-all.

That old race between the tortoise and the hare should teach us a great lesson: the hare was a Know-it-all. Perhaps we could have learned even more if Aesop had continued his story after the Finish Line: did the hare humbly and graciously congratulate the tortoise on his victory, or was the hare ensnared by jealousy and pride?

Knowledge continues to expand and increase as technology advances. None of us knows it all. Each of us can learn something from everyone. None of us is so perfect that he cannot be topped by someone else. We will all benefit from humbling ourselves and seeing every situation as an opportunity for learning.

Social Skills -- What Should I Teach My Preschooler?

2005-03-30T11:33:00.000-06:00

Your oldest child (or only child) is quickly approaching school age. You have been curious about homeschooling, but you worry about how little Katie or Bobby will learn to interact in a group. Will your child need to go to school to learn how to work and play well with others? Socialization is not something that can be taught; social skills are a different matter. A child can successfully be taught at home the basic skills needed for interacting with other children, even if there are no siblings in the home.

Skills to teach your preschooler:
Patience
--Start by being an example of patience to your child. While waiting in line at the grocery store, explain how to wait calmly and cheerfully. Help your child to judge time by watching the other customers progress through their lines. Getting the focus off himself will help the child to learn patience. (I taught my children to judge longer waiting times by relating to things in their world: a few minutes' wait was equal to a Bugs Bunny cartoon; other time periods used were half-hour TV episodes or 60- and 90-minute videos that they knew by heart. Patience came much more easily when they understood their wait would take one "Elephant Show" or one "Robin Hood.")
--Not interrupting when adults are talking: "Let me finish my sentence first, and then I will see what you need. I know you are here, and I will not forget about you." Make this reciprocal as you allow your child to finish his sentences without interrupting him. (True emergencies are always exceptions.) I taught my children to come and stand quietly beside me if I was speaking to another adult and wait a few moments for my attention. Many times I turned to them to hear their question, only to find out they had no request -- they just wanted to be with Mom for a while.
--Taking turns: Play games together, beginning with just the two of you, then later add a playmate to increase the time that elapses between a child's own turns. (Until a little patience has developed, it is very hard to wait for your turn to come around again!) Keep the focus on playing as the fun part, not winning, and do not ridicule the loser. We played many games (such as Scrabble) without ever keeping score, to ensure that the emphasis was on learning or using a skill and not on winning and losing.

Sharing
--Help your child to see the Big Picture when having playtime with a friend. Discuss with your child before the friend arrives that the friend will be here for only a short time and that all of the toys will still be here after the friend leaves. Emphasize your child's opportunity to allow his friend to have the same enjoyment he has with his toys. If your child has some extra-special toys that he is afraid might be damaged, put those toys safely away before the friend comes. I have watched as many a Mom ripped a treasured toy out of her own child's arms and handed it to the visitor, thinking she was teaching her child to "share" instead of clutching it with what she considered to be unreasonable sentimentality. All it seemed to accomplish was to convince the unhappy child that the visitor was more important to Mom than her own child's feelings.

Fairness
--More game playing: do not play in such a way as to allow the child to always win. Playing is more enjoyable and lasts much longer than the moment of winning. The more games you play, the more opportunity there is for the child to see that winning is either random or related to skill. Help the child to develop the needed skills to improve his playing ability. Skewing the game so that the child always wins gives the child an unrealistic view and sets him up for major disappointment when someone else is victorious. Short games, such as tic-tac-toe, can be played multiple times within a few minutes, removing the focus from winning and losing.

Sportsmanship is a combination of the above skills. Regardless of the situation, if you can learn to accept the outcome gracefully, you can be pleased with your accomplishment. A good sport is always welcome; bad sports are not often asked to play again.

Appropriate Behavior
--Volume, speed, movement, etc. should be suited to your surroundings and circumstances. A park is a great place to run, jump, and be loud -- but not when you are attending an outdoor wedding.
--Family "signals" for behavior are a tremendous help in discipline. We developed "the family whistle," a specific melody of three or four notes that became our unique signal to "come now." While not quite as startling as Captain Von Trapp's system, our whistle aided us in finding each other when separated by a few aisles in large stores or in gaining the attention of a family member who had strayed a little too far. The whistle was more dignified to use than shouting and was rarely noticed by strangers in our midst. In recent years, I have been pleasantly surprised to hear a few other softly whistled signals in large department stores -- obviously other families with their own "secret" signals.

One loud snap of the fingers became our "quiet" signal, used after "lights out," in the car, or anytime a quick reminder was needed. The "snap" put the responsibility on the child to remind himself of the signal's meaning, rather than forcing mom and dad into nagging as they repeated a verbal admonition to be quiet. Coincidentally, this device also worked on our dog, as he simultaneously learned to quiet himself and settle down whenever he heard a snap.

Communication
Children learn the basics of communication best through hearing language spoken to them. From the day my children were born, I spoke directly to each of them. Whether in my arms or in the baby swing, I was usually carrying on a conversation with Baby, giving a running commentary on whatever household chore was at hand. Bystanders may have thought me daft, but I felt it would give the child a headstart on language skills. I did not speak "baby talk," but spoke to the tiny, enchanted face as though it knew exactly what I was saying. Language came easily to my children, and they both spoke with clarity and confidence beyond what most people expected.

An older woman I knew began babysitting her neighbors' daughter, but became frustrated when she had trouble communicating with little Annie. The 3-year-old had difficulty answering questions. At mealtime, the woman asked Annie if she wanted a certain food, but the child would not reply to the yes-or-no question. A few moments later, the girl blurted out "Annie pizza!" The woman (expecting only "yes" or "no" as the answer) became increasing upset as she kept repeating the question and demanding, "Say yes or no," to which the child would innocently reply, "Yes or no." As the woman shared her frustration with me later, she asked why I thought the child would only answer in such confusing ways. There seemed to be a lack of some basic communication skills. Other children, younger than this girl, had no trouble answering questions, so this woman was baffled as to why this child could not do the same. (Also complicating the situation was the adult's insistence on repeating the same question, instead of trying other ways to communicate with the child.)

As we discussed the situation, more behaviors were revealed. This very big girl ate her meals in a high-chair, using no utensils, yet she had no disabilities. All food had to be cut into tiny pieces and placed directly on the chair's tray for her to eat with her fingers, even though other children her age sat at the family table and used plates and silverware. The parents routinely put the girl alone in her bedroom to listen to books on tape before her very early bedtime. The parents were both employed in well-paid professions, worked long hours, and spent very little time with their daughter. The lack of one-on-one time showed dramatically in the girl's abilities.

To solve the problem of answering questions, I suggested that the woman should ask the child a simple yes-or-no question, such as "Do you want pizza for lunch?" Then when the girl shouted "Annie pizza," the woman should patiently prompt the child to say, "Yes, I want pizza." Repeating this a few times quickly taught the girl how to answer the question with the word "yes" and gave the babysitter a few ideas for dealing with obstacles to communication.

Children can learn to converse with other adults under the safety of parental supervision. When we were questioned by friends, neighbors, relatives, or acquaintances as to what we were doing in our homeschool, I often deferred to my children for the answer. If the adult was asking me about the children's opinion of homeschooling, I felt it was silly for me to answer when my children were standing right there, capable of speech. I would turn to the child, repeat the question (if necessary, in words the child could relate to), and assure the child that he could openly share his feelings with my adult friend. Obviously, none of us wants to encourage our children to speak to strangers when they are by themselves, but we as adults know many people that our children do not know, and we can comfort the children that our acquaintances are all right to speak to when we are present. Adults sometimes avoid speaking directly to children, often because they assume they will only receive a blank stare from an overly shy child who believes it is unsafe to speak to any adult that he does not know. In the controlled environment of having Mom or Dad present, the child can confidently practice speaking to an adult and learn the art of polite conversation.

Lengthen attention span through listening and comprehension activities. Simply reading stories to a child and asking a few questions as you go will get them more involved in the process. Television programming now changes scenes at least every ten seconds, in order to adapt to the modern viewer's very short attention span, so we must work on teaching activities that capture and hold a child's attention. I gave in to the purchase of a video game set when I saw how it had the potential of teaching some valuable skills to my elementary-aged children. (This was the Super Nintendo system with one of the harmless Mario Brothers games.) The obstacle course aspect of the game improved the children's attention spans, increased their memories (when they made a mistake, the scene started over), improved eye-hand coordination, and taught them anticipation. They had to anticipate what obstacle would come next, and, if an enemy would be coming on-screen soon, where it would come, what it could do, and what skill they would need to conquer that enemy. (I do recommend saving the video games for a reward after required work is done, and limiting the time spent playing the games. I also held veto power over the purchase of any games containing excessive violence or occult elements.)

Improve observation skills by having your child help sort out the toys when putting things away or by playing observation games. "I spy" was my favorite game to play with my grandmother as she did her housework. She would place her thimble somewhere in plain sight, and then call me into the room to begin looking for it. As Grandma continued with her tasks, I searched high and low until I spotted the tiny object. When my cousin was also present, we had to call out "I spy" upon seeing the thimble, teaching us patience while allowing the other person a chance to keep looking. I suspect it was also Grandma's favorite way of keeping little ones safely occupied while she accomplished a few household chores. Now "I Spy" refers to a series of wonderful photo-books, filled with thousands of miniature objects. I find those just as fascinating as looking for Grandma's thimble on her massive bookshelves.

Improve memory skills through games such as finding matching pairs from Go Fish cards turned face-down on the table. My own memory is very good, a skill I credit to much time spent in memory-building activities from childhood to the present. When teaching my children to remember past activities (such as where one may have left his shoes), I taught them to "walk backwards in your mind" through all their recent steps to "see" the pictures in their minds of where they had been, what they had done, and what they had seen and heard. It was a great exercise in memory -- one that the grandparents began using themselves to find their misplaced eyeglasses!

Improve motor skills through tracing and other writing-readiness activities, using scissors, playing hopscotch, or walking along a 2x4 board on the ground as a beginner's balance beam. Work on both fine motor skills (small muscle control: finger dexterity) and gross motor skills (large muscle coordination: arms and legs). Better coordination means the child has more physical control over his own actions and more confidence in his own abilities. Offering plenty of opportunities to use their developing skills (such as cutting paper with scissors) will deter children from perfecting those skills in mischievous ways (cutting their own hair, the cat's whiskers, their clothing, or the fabric on the back side of the sofa).

All of these skills, though very basic, will prepare your child for interaction with a group. They will instill confidence in your child as he sees his progress, teaching him that he can learn new things. Once he has acquired these foundational skills, your child will be more than ready for you to present more formal subjects, such as reading, writing, and calculus.

[For an encouragement booster, see Learning to Walk -- Seen as a New Lesson]

Homeschool Gadgets: An Investment in Your Future or a Waste of Money?

2005-03-28T08:46:00.000-06:00

You are at the educational supplies store or homeschool curriculum fair and see a fancy teaching gadget on display. Yes, it is cute. It may even be on sale, but will it pay for itself in lessons learned or in time saved, or is it destined to become a liability in storage space?

Not every gadget or tool needs to be purchased to teach the subjects you desire your students to learn. Some items can be replicated inexpensively at home from "found" materials -- and then discarded Guilt-Free after they have fulfilled their purpose. We made a few with enough care to be able to use them over and over and have kept them for many years. Others can be done without entirely. I once purchased a plastic board covered with tiny pegs that was supposed to illustrate geometric figures when you stretched rubber bands around the pegs. However, only certain shapes could be accurately portrayed, making even my small investment disappointing.

It is also wise to consider storage when purchasing extras for your homeschool. I opted for the world globe printed on a beach ball -- perfect roundness was not necessary for us to understand geography, but the deflating capability made storage very easy.

Mail-order catalogs were a great source of ideas for make-it-yourself learning aids. We "borrowed" ideas for items that we would probably not have used more than once. Sometimes just examining the catalog photo and description were enough to illustrate the principle and give my students a basic understanding of the concept. Other times we purchased an item (such as the wooden set of Cuisenaire rods), knowing that it would pay for itself many times over in multiple uses.

I purchased a gadget that held 5 pieces of chalk in evenly spaced wire brackets for drawing parallel lines on a chalkboard. I drew lines for penmanship, musical staffs, and graphing grids for math. I turned my chalkboard into "graph paper" to tame the wayward numbers in long division or multiplication problems: one digit per box clarifies even the poorest handwriting. (My chalk-holder has been passed on to another homeschool family so I cannot prove this, but I think it may also be possible to insert thin white board markers into the wires for use on today's ubiquitous white boards.)

I made my own geometric shapes (squares, triangles, pentagons, hexagons) out of old file folders for constructing 3-D figures. I made all the shapes to the same dimensions (2" sides), and the various shapes could be fitted together for very interesting structures. I included an extra 1/4" tab-strip on each edge, and we used tiny orthodontic rubber bands to link the pieces together, but the pieces could also be glued or taped together for permanence. I saw this idea in a curriculum catalog at a time when we could not spare the money for many extras. My husband had removed a stack of slightly worn file folders from a wastebasket at work, thinking I may be able to use them for something. My oldest student was barely into geometry and angles but got a sneak-peak at how to use compass, protractor, and straight edge to construct our wonderful new learning aids. Both students had great fun assembling 3-D models of geometric solids, which gave them a boost in understanding volume and geometry as those lessons came around.

I purchased inexpensive math manipulatives by buying sugar cubes to use in illustrating volume. We kept them on a jellyroll pan to contain the inevitable crumbs and stacked the cubes to count how many units/rows/layers it took to make a larger block. We also effectively illustrated multiplication and division by grouping the sugar cubes into rows to show 3 rows of 5 sugar cubes was equal to 5 rows of 3 sugar cubes, and both totaled 15 sugar cubes. A few hundred sugar cubes were purchased for a very small price, enabling the children to build perfect mathematical squares and cubes and study the multiplication facts with their hands as well as with their eyes. Numbers on a times-table chart were much more meaningful after they had proved the facts themselves. We worked with the sugar cubes carefully to avoid unnecessary breakage and crumbling, and were able to reuse them many times.

Educational games are a spending temptation for nearly every Mom I know. However, since many of them tend to be rather expensive, exert your self-control and go for the ones that will teach more than one concept. A game that does not have a "fun" element to it will probably not be played with very often, sliding it into the liability category. Try not to allow your game collection to sit idly on the shelf once the age limit or skill level has been passed by your students. Challenge them to create new rules for the game or find new ways to use the game's equipment to match their new skill levels. Pre-reading games such as CandyLand can be adapted for math skills (see Alternate Methods for Teaching Math for more ideas).

The biggest consideration for buying educational gadgets, reference books, and homeschool materials is: Does this have more than one function? If it is usable for only one thing (especially if that is a very insignificant function), perhaps your hard-earned money would be better spent elsewhere. If the item will be used for multiple tasks over a long period of time, it is probably a wise investment.

Easter Story Cookies

2005-03-23T23:02:00.000-06:00

My mother-in-law received this with her church newsletter, and I felt it was worth sharing here. I have not tried the recipe, so I make no guarantees, but the interactive story included in the mixing process seems to be a wonderful way to include children in the miracle of the Resurrection.

Easter Story Cookies

1 c. whole pecans
1 tsp. vinegar
1 c. sugar
3 egg whites
pinch salt

Have available: zipper baggie, wooden spoon, tape, and a Bible

Preheat oven to 300 degrees; this is important, so do not wait until you are half done with the recipe.

Place pecans in zipper baggie. Let children beat them with wooden spoon to break into small pieces. Explain that Jesus was arrested by the Roman soldiers. Read John 19:1-3.

Let each child smell the vinegar. Put 1 teaspoon vinegar into a mixing bowl. Explain that when Jesus was thirsty on the cross, he was given vinegar to drink. Read John 19:28-30.

Add the egg whites to vinegar. Eggs represent life. Explain that Jesus gave His life to give us life. Read John 10:10-11.

Sprinkle a little salt into each child's hand. Let them taste it and brush the rest into the bowl. Explain that this represents the salty tears shed by Jesus' followers and the bitterness of our own sin. Read Luke 23:27.

So far, the ingredients are not very appetizing. Add 1 cup sugar. Explain that the sweetest part of the story is that Jesus died because He loves us. He wants us to know and belong to Him. Read Psalm 34:8 and John 3:16.

Beat with a mixer on high speed for 12-15 minutes, until stiff peaks are formed. Explain that the color white represents the purity in God's eyes of those whose sins have been cleansed by Jesus. Read Isaiah 1:18 and John 3:1-3.

Fold in the broken nuts. Drop by teaspoons onto waxed paper-covered cookie sheet. Explain that each mound represents the rocky tomb where Jesus' body was laid. Read Matthew 27:57-60.

Put the cookie sheet in the oven, close the door and turn oven off. Give each child a piece of tape and seal the oven door. Explain that Jesus' tomb was sealed. Read Matthew 27:65-66.

Go to bed! Explain that they may feel sad to leave the cookies in the oven overnight. Jesus' followers were in despair when the tomb was sealed. Read John 16:20 and 22.

On Easter morning, open the oven and give everyone a cookie. Notice the cracked surface and take a bite. The cookies are hollow! On the first Easter, Jesus' followers were amazed to find the tomb open and empty. Jesus had risen! Read Matthew 28:1-9.

Involving Dads in Homeschooling

2005-03-23T09:08:00.000-06:00

Moms often ask how to include their husbands in the homeschooling process. Dad is doing his best to earn the living that makes homeschooling possible, but he also may feel like he is not directly involved with the children's education. There are many facets of education, and Dad can fit in during the free time he does have. Dad's time with the children may often be limited, but it is always worth waiting for.

Reading -- My husband did not read great quantities of books to our children, but he did read certain books over and over to them. Children know their favorite books by heart and instantly recognize anything added in or left out. His favorite trick was including a lizard that was never in the actual stories. He would be reading along and just say the word "lizard" while turning a page, change a character's name to Larry the Lizard, or add an entirely new sentence about how the lizard who lived next door came over to play. The children shrieked with delight at every lizard, and lovingly scolded Dad that there was not supposed to be a lizard in that book.

Dads add character voices and sound effects all their own, beyond the bounds of Mom's repertoire. It may be the deep resonance of Dad's voice that can be physically felt while snuggled against his chest, but there is something extra-special about sitting in Daddy's lap for a book.

Sports -- My non-sports-nut husband took our kids biking, hiking, sledding, swimming, skating (standard & inline), bowling, and fishing, usually after a long, tiring day at work. He drove them to soccer practice, attended every game, and even helped out as assistant coach for a season. He got down and dirty playing paintball with our teenaged son and other dads and lads. Meanwhile, Mom, whose idea of cutting-edge sports is doing the Sunday crossword puzzle in ink, was very glad to have Dad's enthusiastic partnership. No matter how hard I have tried, my athletic ability is moot. What I lack in talent and coordination I try to make up in enthusiasm. I would happily hold the family's accumulated belongings while my husband accompanied the children on every ride the amusement park offered, knowing there was not enough motion-sickness medicine on the planet to get me through the three minutes of torture from a single ride. Without my husband's participation, our children's lives would have been sadly idle.

Rough-housing -- Dads play horsey; Moms cuddle & kiss boo-boo's. Children know that Dad will wrestle and toss them into the air and swing them around and around. Dads make every event thrilling just by being Dad. Too many times to count, I have said, "No, you probably shouldn't do that -- it looks dangerous," only to have my husband grin and say, "Why not? Let's try it!" I gave in because my husband was there to supervise, participate, or control the situation from getting out of hand. Dad added an element of surprise, a thrill of adventure, and a safety net all at the same time.

Dads teach weekend home improvement and car maintenance, as much through letting Little Brother watch as through actually allowing Bigger Brother help. Our Christmas breaks were often a time for our son to be Dad's apprentice for painting, wiring the garage, removing wallpaper, or numerous small projects around the house. At age 18 my son readily stepped into the handyman roll at a friend's apartment, having practiced the basics with Dad and Grandpa from a very young age.

Some homeschooling families are able to share the teaching responsibilities -- we know a few Dads who like to teach their children upper level math and science. Other families have found that Dad's work schedule did not allow him to contribute very often to the actual teaching process, and Mom could adequately cover their academics. Whatever and whenever Dad can participate, his contribution will leave a lasting impact. Dads are exciting -- no matter what they do, it becomes an adventure, while Moms teach quietly unexciting homemaking skills. Dads use tools like drills and saws; Moms use rubber spatulas.

Include Dad in your homeschooling at every opportunity. It will be as much of an adventure for him as it is for Mom and the children. Remember, it does not have to involve books to be education.

Teaching Decision-Making

2005-03-21T14:08:00.000-06:00

Involve your children in as many real-life, grown-up, decision-making processes as you can. This process will show them a clear picture of life, not the TV version that they are often (unfortunately) convinced is reality. Children who are involved in the reasoning behind a decision that directly affects them are more likely to accept that decision. Bonus: it shows children the applied wisdom of their parents, which is never shown on television. The level of involvement for the youngest children may simply be an explanation of how and why the decision was made by the parents, with the children's role increasing as they grow older. Let them know what criteria were considered, so that they will begin to understand what factors are involved in making a wise choice.

I began simply by giving my toddler the choice of two shirts to wear. That meant it was still her decision, even though I had directed it somewhat. With my guidance of "a pattern needs to be matched with a solid color," my child could soon begin to select both the top and bottom of an outfit, and I did not have to fear the public criticism of, "Oh, so you're letting her dress herself."

I gradually increased my children's responsibility levels with their decisions, and before long I had wise-deciders on my hands. My children, at middle-school level, were already making many decisions involving their own lives -- decisions that their friends were still having made for them by their parents. (A simple example is curriculum choices -- my children were allowed to decide on supplemental subjects, literature choices, etc.) Taking this to the extreme, I have met college-age students who still expected Mom and Dad to make all their decisions for them, simply because Mom and Dad always had, and therefore the students had no clue what they really wanted anyway. Tragic. And so preventable.

It is quite possible to give a child choices without completely manipulating his entire life. Once in a while, you will hold your breath (as I did) and pray silently while your teenager is deciding whether or not he really wants to go to a friend's party. If the decision-making skills have been effectively passed on, you will see the same miracle take place before your eyes that I saw: my student reasoned aloud to us that this was a school night, he really didn't care for the other people who would be attending, and he would rather invite his friend over another day for a worthy activity involving just the two of them. Then we calmly praised his decision as being the best choice in the situation and celebrated (again, silently; embarrassment = discouragement) as he exited the room.

Children who observe or participate in the family decision-making process will not only adapt more easily to the family's choices, but will be better equipped to make their own good choices in life. Simple explanations of the criteria considered will help young children understand why specific choices were made. Older children may have valuable input to offer the family council, while still allowing the parents to maintain the seat of authority. Children who are not given reasons why a specific decision was made will not have a clear view of the Big Picture and will be more likely to rebel against that ruling. Children who grow up learning to make their own decisions on increasingly important issues will be well equipped to handle life on their own as confident young adults.

Rainy Day -- A Post-Homeschooling Perspective

2005-03-18T13:14:00.000-06:00

It is raining today. The type of rain that is so heavy that when a drop hits your nose, and they frequently do, it is heavy, and bounces all over. The water quickly soaks your pants as you briskly walk to the car, but you do not really mind because it is just warm enough to be ok. The cloud cover is heavy, and makes even the indoor lights seem dimmer.

I remember many such days like this from when I still attended public school. Everyone's nerves were on edge because the weather was unpleasant, and recess was held indoors (in quarters that were way too close) instead of being able to go outside and run. I found myself hating the rain, and letting my mood become changed because of that awful, nasty rain.

Today however, when the first raindrops hit my face, I smiled. I saw how the rain was washing away all the salt from the winter road protection. I saw how God was giving the world a much-needed bath. I thought about how dehydrated I get in the dry environment that I work at, and how the earth was getting a much needed drink. As I thought more and more about the rain, my only depression came from the thought that I was being kept indoors for work, and that I could not go play in the gutters, racing sailboats with my brother, or just running through the mud with my dog (who, believe me, loves mud!).

When we homeschooled, we were encouraged to enjoy the rain, we took naps, or read a book to the calmness of the rain. I learned of God's beauty, and find myself now thinking about HIS plan before complaining about things. Imagine how I could have let a perfectly good rain ruin my day simply because of how it used to make everyone at school cranky. Instead I can see God's perfection, His provision, and His love, and I smile with every raindrop that hits me, and laugh as my pants get soaked.

Maybe it's silly, but sometimes I think a good soak in the rain feels like a big wet hug from that friend who just came off of a water ride or out of the pool and grabs you, to make sure you get soaked too, and you both laugh.

Time for Kindergarten Round-Up?

2005-03-16T10:23:00.000-06:00

Time has flown by -- it seems as if just a few months ago you were teaching your baby to walk and to talk. How can it be time for your little one to go to Kindergarten Round-Up already? Now you have more worries on your mind than just childproofing the kitchen cabinets. You have heard rumors of how bad the public schools have become -- but does that include your district? You might know someone who homeschools their children, but you have never seriously considered it yourself... until now.

Will it really hurt to send Little One to Kindergarten? How much harm could be done in just one year? You had thought about having a little more time to yourself once Little One went off to school. You could look into the Christian school... You have taught him to count to ten, and he knows most of his letters. Isn't it harder to teach him to read?

There are many positive elements to keeping your precious Little One at home for school, and there are just as many negative elements to sending him off to the classroom. As harmless as Kindergarten may seem, it has probably changed a great deal since you last looked. You remember the bad attitudes that you or your classmates waited until Junior High or High School to pick up, but your child may meet them in the early elementary grades. You remember your sex education classes, but now they begin in Kindergarten and include instruction about AIDS. Public school teachers have less authority than ever to discipline unruly students, and new Zero Tolerance policies have nearly completed the transformation into one-size-fits-all institutions. Is that really where you want to send your Little One for the next 13 years?

Educating your children at home is not difficult. You can begin Kindergarten merely by reading storybooks together and continuing the many informal playtime activities that you and your child have enjoyed for the past few years. Teaching reading is simplified with a basic phonics program -- starting with letter sounds, and then combining those sounds to make simple words. Arithmetic is much more difficult to spell than it is to teach. Counting and sorting, the basic steps to math, are easily accomplished with everything from building blocks to M & M candies.

Social interaction is much more easily taught without the roomful of competing students. You and your child can play board games and card games together -- teaching your child the fine arts of patience, taking turns, and sportsmanship. You and your child will be able to continue spending the best hours of the day together, fresh and full of enthusiasm. You will be mentoring life skills while running errands or grocery shopping, preparing meals, and tidying up the house together. Your child will participate in life as it really happens, not just hear about it from the isolation of a classroom environment. Educating your children at home does not have to make tremendous changes to your everyday routine, but adapting your household to the rigid schedule of public school does require great dedication.

My own desires for personal time paled in comparison to the value of my children. Although my children did begin in public school, I have regretted that decision. Once my own stubborn mind recognized the benefits of homeschooling, we gladly left the government institution. The public school environment had caused major changes in my children's attitudes. Homeschooling gave us a complete turn-around, back to the family-first values we held dear.

Homeschooling provides a high-quality, one-on-one education in the loving, safe, and fun environment of your home and family. More families begin homeschooling with each passing year, and there are more excellent materials to choose from each year. I encourage every family reading this to consider homeschooling before you send your precious offspring down the street to public school. Your children are much too valuable to leave to chance.

Full-Bodied Education: Mind, Body, & Spirit

2005-03-14T14:26:00.000-06:00

It would be sadly futile to dedicate your valuable time to the academic side of homeschooling, only to the neglect of your children's physical or spiritual health. While you are teaching reading and math, also teach the importance of getting proper rest (stressing to your future college-bound students the value of sleep during night-time hours) and a proper diet (again, of great importance to both the college-bound and anyone destined to be living independently someday).

Even young children can begin to recognize their body's needs for sleep and nutritious food. Carefully explaining to a youngster that he has become grumpy because his body is tired from the hard work of play makes it easier for him to understand his need for rest or quiet playtime, and he will be less likely to view the quiet time as a punishment. Explaining in simple terms how our bodies need protein for fuel will help a youngster realize the value of eating a sandwich instead of begging for junk food. Urge the reluctant child to experiment with his own body -- "You think carefully about how you feel all over now, and let's see how you feel in another hour after eating some crackers with ham and cheese, and then tomorrow afternoon we'll repeat the experiment with some candy." (Science class and health class combined with personal experience!)

My daughter identifies her body signals very readily: she recognizes food cravings and quickly categorizes them as protein cravings, dehydration, etc. Her life-long struggle with migraine headaches is caused by monosodium glutamate (MSG) in food or health and beauty products. The "antidote" for MSG is magnesium, but since supplement tablets also contain MSG in the form of corn starch or gelatin, the magnesium needs to come from real foods. Recently my daughter noticed herself craving an odd assortment of foods; a little internet research revealed each of her cravings to be high in magnesium -- broccoli, almonds, oatmeal, and the tastiest of all -- dark chocolate. Having learned how to "read" her body's signals helped her to realize what battle her body was fighting on its own.

A bedtime "routine" is helpful long after toddler-hood. I sleep much better if I have a chance to lie in bed and read, even if it is only for a few minutes before the lights go out. Soft lights and quieter volumes in the late evening subconsciously prepare your mind and body for sleep, quickly working their magic. A friend related her frustration at having to arrange alternate living quarters for her college-freshman son. The combination of his two roommates and their friends resulted in the dorm room lights staying on all the time -- there was never a period of quiet or darkness. New room, new roommates, better health, happier parents.

God will faithfully guide you in applying His Word to everyday situations in your homeschool. The Bible is full of wonderful accounts of dynamic characters -- both good and bad. Examples are readily available of people to be like and people not to be like. Both good and bad sibling relationships are found in the families of Joseph and David. Nathan learned the hard way to listen more closely to God: he spoke too quickly and had to retract his words. Samuel learned not to judge by appearances when God sent him to anoint the next king of Israel, David.

I kept my Bible handy throughout the day and looked up verses as we found them referenced in other books. I read the chapter of Proverbs that corresponded to the day of the month as an encouraging pick-me-up. We used an old family-hand-me-down book of Bible stories as a read-aloud book and enjoyed wonderful discussions prompted by the stories. I was pleasantly surprised at how often I could apply a Bible verse or an entire story to people or events in our own family. My own scripture knowledge improved, as well as building a wonderful foundation for my children.

See that your task of educating covers all facets of your children's lives, ensuring that each student will grow into a well-rounded individual, able to handle his own needs in all areas of adult life. Teach the whole child, teaching good sleeping and eating habits, and feeding them spiritually.

What Is Your "Best"?

2005-03-11T10:56:00.000-06:00

"Do your best!" We have all said those words before soccer games and piano recitals, and we usually have said them without any reflection whatsoever upon what we actually might mean by them. "Best" can be a relative term, meaning different things to different people at different times. "Best" varies. Apply the following line of thinking to yourself first, and when you have a handle on it personally, you can better apply it to your children for your expectations of them and for their own expectations of themselves.

Example #1: Hello, my name is Carolyn, and I am a procrastinator. (I do not seek to mock any of the stepped programs for dealing with addictions, but I am simply borrowing their easily recognizable introduction line.) I have a problem; recognizing and acknowledging the existence of my problem is the first step to overcoming it. I have realized that constantly putting things off is harmful to myself and also to those around me. However, I have further realized that I am not always able to deal with everything at the moment it arises.

"Controlled Procrastination" is my new motto -- some things will be dealt with immediately, others will be dealt with in a timely manner, when I am able. When I become overwhelmed with too much to do, I try to reprioritize what is most important and decide what can be effectively put off until another time. I then make a mental "contract" with myself that I will accomplish the delayed task (or tasks) by a certain time, date, or circumstance, thereby holding me accountable for the task at another time, but relieving me from the burden of unearned guilt. Knowing that I am not over-burdening myself during times of stress makes it easier for me to accomplish more during easily productive times. I do what I can do, when I can do it, and I free myself from the guilt of trying to do my best best all of the time.

Your best is the best you can do. My best is not your best; your best is not mine. My current best, due to temporary limitations, is not the same as my usual best. Let your current circumstances determine what level of performance you will try to achieve, knowing that at other times that level may change. Trying to maintain an "ideal best" under "less than ideal" circumstances will only heap undeserved guilt upon yourself. In the case that you are surrounded by multiple children under the age of eight, you can expect your best to improve significantly as they age and grow closer to self-sufficiency.

Example #2: I have at least one over-achieving child (ok, both of them, but for now I'm only referring to one). That faithful student seemed to believe that "do your best" meant to take on more than was humanly possible. More than once, I sat down with said child for a refresher course in "only your best is acceptable." If the student is making his best attempt at the task at hand, that is certainly all that should be expected of him -- nothing more.

If my child has worked hard to master memorizing and reciting a three-stanza poem, I must not expect him to recite one of Longfellow's book-length works. However, since this student and I both know he is capable of memorizing the three-stanza poem, we have equal expectations for his success. Never mind the fact that all the children from the ultra-super-more-than-over-achieving homeschool family will be reciting for hours at the end-of-the-year homeschool program -- that is their best, not yours.

Example #3: Young students, especially those still struggling with penmanship, tend to strive for textbook standards of perfectionism. Unfortunately, their efforts are often unsuccessful and result in frustration for both student and teacher. Keep some copies of their previous work to review: seeing actual evidence of his progress will help restore the child's confidence in himself. During their first years of schooling, children's handwriting may undergo dramatic changes every few weeks or months. Looking back over past work will show the student how his best has changed.

We all need to recognize the limits of "our best," whether we are temporarily restrained or continually tempted to perfectionism. If you are pregnant or otherwise constrained by health, have multiple children including toddlers, are changing houses or jobs or involved in other serious life-upheaval situations, bring your standards into alignment with your current reality. Recognize the fact that Wonder Woman was only a two-dimensional fictional character. You, my Guilt-Free friend, are much more than that.

Our Reasons for Homeschooling

2005-03-08T11:52:00.000-06:00

[This article is in the form of an interview simply because that is how it originated.]

When did you decide to homeschool?
Our daughter was in 4th grade, and our son was in Kindergarten. We first thought about homeschooling in March, decided for sure in April, quietly finished out the school year through early June, and began homeschooling the next September. I spent that summer reading everything I could borrow on homeschooling, took notes to keep after I returned the books/magazines, and basically over-prepared myself.

What convinced you that homeschooling was right for you?
I heard Gregg Harris speak on a local talk radio show. My husband and I attended the weekend seminar he was promoting, and we got enough answers to our questions to decide that homeschooling would remove or reduce most of the problems we were having with public school.

Did you and your spouse agree on the decision to homeschool?
We made our decision together to homeschool, but my husband said he had wanted to homeschool for a couple of years, but did not want to put that burden on me! He was always supportive of our homeschooling efforts, becoming more and more outspoken for homeschooling as we went along.

Did you have to face any objections from family members or friends?
We each told our mothers with great fear and trembling, and let them tell our siblings. My mom swallowed hard and then said that she figured I could handle it. My husband's mother said she did not see why we had not begun homeschooling a long time before! We told all of our family and friends that we were trying this "for a year, to see how that goes." I knew from the beginning that there would be no turning back, but saying "for a year" made it less scary, even for me. My sisters secretly told my mom that my kids would "be weird." (Sorry to disappoint you, but no, my kids are normal.)

What were some of your reasons for wanting to homeschool?
This will be a partial list -- my list of reasons to homeschool gets longer every day!

1) Our daughter's health: she suffered severe headaches that the school nurses denied existed (no fever + no vomiting = not sick). One classroom teacher said she could tell from my daughter's face the moment a headache began, but the nurse and the principal insisted it was just "school phobia." (Right -- the same student who later earned a Bachelor of Arts degree at age 20.) With homeschooling, if our daughter was not able to do math one day, but could do reading, who would care? She could later make up any missed work without disrupting anyone's schedule.

2) Public schools (two -- we changed schools trying to work things out) were interfering in parental decisions, often superceding our parental authority. Complete disregard of our request to excuse our Kindergartner from the AIDS lesson, after the school had offered to excuse any student whose parents requested it in writing. (Just the existence of a lesson on AIDS for K-students was abhorrent enough.) My daughter had been the only student excused from the AIDS lesson for her class, and she was punished for the absence with extra work in her other subjects. We also learned later that each of our children was taken on school field trips that we were never informed of (without a signed parental consent form). We also dealt with administrators who lied to our children, stole personal property from our child, and refused to allow a sick child access to the telephone to inform us of her illness -- forcing the ill child to remain in classes all day. (The child's academic status was not a consideration: even with her absence-due-to-illness rate as high as one-third of the time, she remained at the top of her class -- amazing when you consider #5 below.)

3) Lack of Christian values in public school (even from teachers we personally knew were Christians). The old adage seemed to apply: When in Rome (or the pagan school system), do as the Romans (or the other pagans) do.

4) Severe harassment from other students -- I phoned the principal at home one Friday night at 10pm to report the bruising I had just discovered all over my daughter's body. She had been repeatedly punched and kicked by her desk mate for not giving him the answers in class. The teacher stopped it once, but had merely told him, "Don't let me catch you hitting her again," and he made sure the teacher never caught him again.

5) Poor teaching (in the state which has claimed #1 status for years) -- my daughter was in 4th grade, read poorly (guessing at words), and struggled in every subject. When she had missed 5 consecutive days of school for an illness, I spoke to the teacher about picking up her missed assignments. The teacher told me there was no homework -- the class had not progressed beyond what my daughter had been present for. As it turned out, the teacher spent 10 consecutive class days trying to teach the students to multiply 3 numbers times 3 numbers, failed, gave up, and moved on. The teacher could not do the math herself, and her teacher's aide also could not do the math -- so the students never learned it either. (I had taught it to my daughter in about 2 minutes at home during her illness.) This was not an isolated case: I was personally acquainted with another teacher (special ed.) in the same school system who was required to teach an elementary math class, but freely admitted that her husband paid all the bills and kept the checkbook because she was "horrible at math."

6) I was very skeptical of one teacher's "lifestyle choices," made evident by her boastful reports to her students (9-10 year-olds) of her weekend activities.

7) My son spent most of Kindergarten on the time-out chair because he already knew what the teacher was teaching the other children, and he became bored and restless. He told me a few years later that he thought he was the Principal's favorite student, since the Principal often removed him from class and took him to the office to talk or let my son accompany him on "rounds" of the building, and they spent a great deal of time together.

8) Public school activities (sports, music programs, fund-raisers, etc.) often kept us and our children out late at night on school nights and left the children much too excited to go right to sleep afterwards. How were they supposed to wake up refreshed and ready for school early the next morning? (The relaxed schedule of homeschooling allows you to sleep in when necessary.)

9) The food served at public school was rarely to my daughter's liking. (Actually, it was also a cause of her headaches.) Taking lunch from home was slightly better, but eating lunch at home while homeschooling is great! (I am happy to report that home-cooked food and careful supervision of her diet brought those nasty headaches into submission.)

10) Security at the school was nearly non-existent. Anyone could enter the building at any time, unnoticed. One morning I dropped off my daughter at the school's front door, not realizing that school had been postponed due to extreme fog in the rural areas (weather in town was a fine drizzle, not foggy, but all classes were delayed). I was not notified to come back to get my child, and she was not allowed to enter the building before classes actually began for the day, even though staff members were present. She had to stay outside on the playground -- unsupervised and in the rain -- until school started an hour later (or was it 2 hours?)

11) The (sexual) peer pressure was unbelievable -- and I'm talking about 8 and 9 year olds!!!

12) Discipline at the school was non-existent. There was no alternative for "good" students except to put up with the disruptions and harassment from the "bad" students. If a teacher's verbal admonition had no effect on a disruptive student, there was no recourse.

Do you feel your children missed some things by not attending public school?
Once we decided to begin homeschooling, I was often asked if I felt my children were missing anything by not being in public school. My answer was always a sly smile and an emphatic "YES! They are missing the playground vocabulary, the sexual harassment in the lunchroom on hotdog day, and the physical abuse from little extortionist in the next desk who is not interested in learning anything. And I wouldn't have it any other way!"

Do you have any regrets about your decision to homeschool?
Only one -- that we did not begin homeschooling sooner.

[The follow-up to this story may be found at Start Homeschooling for One Reason, but Continue for Another.]

Teaching Spelling (and Grammar) Through Reading and Listening

2005-03-04T12:37:00.000-06:00

Before your children learned to walk, they spent a lot of time observing. They saw you walking around, starting, stopping, stooping, bending, turning, reversing, hopping, skipping, jumping, running, etc. That formed the basis of their knowledge of how upright ambulation is supposed to occur.

The same principle can be applied to learning grammar. The foundational knowledge of sentence structure, subject/verb agreement, pronoun use, verb tenses, etc. will be learned by example through listening to other people speak correctly. Conversely, if poor speech is modeled, it will become the standard.

Once again, apply the principle to learning spelling. Choose reading material that uses correct spelling. (I know that seems like an odd remark, but there are popular children's books today that pride themselves on their "creative" spelling.) I encouraged my students to pay attention to the spelling of words as they read. My challenges to look up unfamiliar words in the dictionary often resulted in races and traffic jams in front of the bookcase. We discussed other forms of the words and their roots. I challenged family members to strive for correctness in emails and computer chats -- I have noticed that the better my spelling and grammar are in my emails/chats, the better the spelling and grammar are in the responses that I get. Quality begets quality.

I am not advocating total disregard of grammar curricula; in fact, I put a strong emphasis on learning the correct grammar rules. I do believe, however, that any grammar program should be supplemented with heavy doses of observation and experience through personal reading.

Our hometown newspaper is valuable only in that it provides a wealth of misspellings, punctuation errors, and butchered grammar. (I do not subscribe; it is too frustrating. The shopper is delivered free twice a week whether you want it or not.) In case your local papers suffer from the same problem, you have my sympathy: it is very difficult to teach your children correctness when ineptness is published regularly by so-called professionals. However, we did manage to utilize the errors in our own "Can you spot the mistakes in this ad/article?" game. (I have also been known to shout at the television news readers, informing them of their mistakes.)

Part of the blame for poor grammar/spelling lies with allowing computers to do our proofreading for us. A machine cannot read for context nor determine the difference between their, there, and they're. If I type "than" when I really mean "then," my computer is oblivious. Spell-checking programs are wonderful -- as far as they go, but please discuss with your students why it is necessary to proofread their work. Besides, we humans are so impressed with what our computers can do, that it gives us a tremendous feeling of superiority to know that we can still do some things better ourselves.

Perhaps it is just my hyper-picky nature, but I pointed out spelling, grammar, and punctuation errors to my students whenever I found them. We used these moments as impromptu mini-lessons to discuss what was wrong, what it should have been, and why. My students' grammar and spelling skills improved dramatically with their reading ability and with the amount of time they dedicated to reading. The more they saw the correct forms modeled for them, the better they could remember how it was supposed to look when they tried to write for themselves.

Should Children Be "Witnesses" in Public School?

2005-03-01T11:12:00.000-06:00

How many times have I heard the arguments? "Homeschooling is a good idea for your family, but we want our children to be 'salt and light' in their school." "Somebody has to stand up for Jesus in the public schools." "My kids want to witness to their friends about Jesus."

First, let me say that I am a convert to homeschooling -- when I still had an extremist toddler in the house, I could not see any way that I could possibly homeschool. He grew up. He spent Kindergarten in the Time Out corner with the unspoken threat of Ritalin dangling over his head like the Sword of Damocles. Teaching two children sounded easier (for some reason) than the prospect of teaching one while entertaining the other. We became a homeschooling success story.

While the quoted arguments above might make good bumper stickers, they do not convince me. I do have compassion for the souls of children and adults alike, and I do not wish to see anyone spend eternity in hell. However, I also know that American public schools today are not Billy Graham Crusades -- if someone is to find personal salvation through Jesus Christ, it will probably not take place during third period history. It could happen, but it would probably be prohibited and both the witnesser and witnessee would end up in detention before they even got a chance to bow their heads for prayer.

Jesus began His own ministry at the age of 30. The men He chose as His closest companions were also adults. Jesus had great concern for children and was eager that they not be burdened beyond what their innocence could handle, but He never suggested that the children's time would be best spent in evangelistic outreach. I am very outspoken for considering my immediate contacts to be my field of ministry, but I also feel that a child's best witness is to grow into the most Christ-like adult he can be. "Jesus grew in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God and man" (Luke 2:52) -- and then He set Himself to the work of ministry. (Yes, Jesus did discuss theology with the temple elders at age 12, but that was quite different from His later ministry of preaching, teaching, and healing the multitudes.)

Early in our homeschool journey, we had close friends, a married couple, who were both public school teachers. Their children ranged in age from early elementary to middle school. The middle child was very intrigued by the concept of homeschooling and asked the mother about the possibility of getting an education at home. Mom brushed off the inquiry. As another school year began and that child moved from upper elementary into the middle school environment, the subject came up again. The tender-hearted child was deeply affected by the caustic atmosphere of the new school and proclaimed, "Being at my school is like being in an R-rated movie all day long!" Since the parents preferred PG-rated movies and only rarely allowed the viewing of select PG-13 videos, the child felt that was a legitimate argument for home education. The parents did not agree. While I can only speculate as to the parents' motivations, the child's repeated, tearful pleadings to be allowed to homeschool were finally turned down flat with "Don't ever ask that question again!" This was not a whiny, immature, or troublesome student. This young person volunteered to sit quietly at home, responsibly doing the assigned lessons while the parents worked. Ample opportunities already existed for intermittent parental supervision throughout the day, interaction with other homeschoolers, and church/social engagements. This child was not looking to bail out on an education, just the undesirable situation of the public school. A parent's insistence that children should be witnesses for Jesus becomes a choked whisper in the R-rated melee of current public schools.

Another homeschool mom took her son to the local high school to enroll him in a foreign language class. They had chosen a specific teacher for his Christian values and felt confident that this would be a controlled exposure to the public school. As she told me the details of their first visit to the school, her face revealed the shock she had felt while walking through the hallways of the building. It seems she had not seen so many pregnant females in one place since her own last session of Lamaze class. She had never considered the fact that modern high schools must include a day care center -- not for the employees' children, but for the students' children. She had expected to see students carrying backpacks and books, not babies and diaper bags.

I have no doubt that God could or would work through Christian students in a school setting to reach other students. I have the same conviction regarding Christian adults as faculty members. However, the ones that I have personally known do not spend their time and energies sharing their faith in Christ with those around them. If they were removed from their schools, I am not sure anyone would even notice.

When my daughter was in high school and the subject of second-generation homeschooling came up, we were surprised at how many of her homeschooled friends were not intending to homeschool their own children. In praying about it herself, she came across Matthew 22:21, "give to Caesar what is Caesar's and to God what is God's." Feeling that her future children were to belong to God rather than to the government, she felt this to be Biblical support for her as a future homeschooling parent.

When I first became a Christian, a popular poster read, "Bloom where you're planted." My confusion ensued as I heard other new believers discussing where they wanted to be planted. When Jesus spoke His final words to His disciples (Acts 1), He commanded them to remain in Jerusalem until they had received power from the Father. He did not send them out immediately or without training. He had diligently taught them day by day for the past three years. I do not believe we should be sending our children out without sufficient training or without the Father's blessing. If you feel you are being led by God to engage in ministry as a family to those around you, that is wonderful -- but allow your offspring the same consideration Jesus gave to His disciples: they were adults and had extensive training at His side before they assumed individual roles in evangelism.

Expecting young children to stand up as martyrs for Christ in the heathen surroundings of public school is unbiblical. In my experience, the parents who use this rationale are looking for every excuse they can find to avoid the responsibilities of homeschooling. Homeschooling does not have to be difficult, expensive, or isolating. Homeschooling is tremendously rewarding, and the opportunities for focusing on Biblical principles can give your children a foundation in faith that will pay amazing dividends in the years to come.

Common Homeschooling Myths Dispelled

2005-02-24T13:07:00.000-06:00

1) I could not stand to be with my children all the time. If you cannot stand to be around your own children, something is drastically wrong. Ask yourself why you do not like your children, and then take steps to fix that problem. This is a serious problem that needs to be addressed, no matter where your children are educated. If you just have not spent much time with your children up to this point, you may expect the transition period to take a little longer, but the more time you spend together, the more you all really get to know each other and come to enjoy each other's company.
2) I would need a college degree in education to homeschool my children. Thousands of parents all over the world are successfully teaching their own children, without benefit of any higher education themselves. Some parents successfully homeschool who have not even completed high school themselves. Parents can learn right along with their children.
3) I do not know how to teach. Explaining any concept is teaching, so if you have given driving directions, demonstrated proper throwing/batting technique, or shown someone how to change a tire or how to set the table, you have taught. Most new homeschool parents simply do not realize how much teaching experience they already have. If you truly need assistance in explaining the educational material to your students, teacher's manuals are available for most curricula, and many give step-by-step guides for interacting with young students.
4) I could not teach things I do not know -- like calculus or violin. Academic subjects (like calculus) are all explained in the textbooks, so you can learn it right along with your student, and teach it to them if/when they become stumped. (Some adept students may be able to teach themselves higher math by studying the textbook.) Other things (such as music lessons) can be learned from a private teacher, just as any student takes piano lessons from a private teacher.
5) I am too disorganized to homeschool. If you are already able to exist in your home, you are probably able to homeschool. Organization helps, but it can be tackled a little bit at a time as the needs arise. Some families start simply by keeping each child's books, pencils, and other supplies in a box, and stacking the boxes in an out-of-the-way place during non-school times.
6) I could only teach one child at a time. With practice, it becomes easier to get older children started on their work first, then spend time working with the younger ones. An older child can help a young reader practice while Mom is busy elsewhere. One child may do their daily chores, eat breakfast, shower, or do an easy subject while Mom helps another child with their difficult work. Homeschooling does take teamwork, but in time, you will all learn how to cooperate together.
7) My children will not listen to me. A miraculous transformation takes place the first time Student asks a question and Mom gives the answer: suddenly Mom is viewed as Teacher. (If your children absolutely will not listen to you, refer to Myth #1 -- again, this is a serious problem no matter where their education comes from.)
8) My children will not have any friends. This is not necessarily a bad thing. Look at the friends your children currently have and consider if your child would be better off without their influence. The only friends you will lose through homeschooling are the ones you want to give up. You can still play with neighbors, church friends, scouting friends, soccer or Little League or T-ball friends, etc.
9) My children will not learn how to interact with other people. You have no people in your family? You live in a dark cave, 500 miles from your nearest neighbor? You never go to a store or a doctor's office? What your children will not learn is how to become mindless automatons who cannot do anything without instructions.
10) My children will never leave the house. Homeschool support groups abound for children's activities, Moms' support, family potlucks, etc. Field trips can be spontaneous family activities or organized with large groups. Homeschool families have the advantage of taking off "gorgeous days" and doing schoolwork when others have a "snow day." With trips to the grocery store, Wal-Mart, and play-days at the park, there will be days when you will feel like you are never at home!
11) My children could not go outside during school time. Shopping trips double as consumer math class when you teach a little comparison-shopping to your students. A doctor's visit becomes a field trip when you ask a few extra questions. All children benefit from outdoor activity or recess. You are just not bound to following public school schedules. (Curious shoppers usually accept the answer "We've got a half-day off from school.")
12) My spouse and I both have to work. "Have to" is not the same as "want to." Many families today consider "luxuries" to be "necessities." Take a serious look at where your money is going before you completely close the door on homeschooling. Often the second income is being spent primarily on child care before and after school, a professional wardrobe for the 2nd wage earner, and convenience foods because no one has time to prepare meals. In other cases, responsible older students have been able to do their schoolwork alone during the day, and then discuss the lessons with working Mom & Dad in the evenings. (Single parents have also been able to successfully homeschool through creative scheduling or work-at-home situations.)
13) Homeschooling would take too much of my time. Most of the time in public school classrooms is spent waiting: waiting in lines, waiting for students to be quiet and pay attention, waiting while the teacher deals with 20+ other students, etc. Careful studies have shown that less than 2 hours per day is spent in actual teaching and learning in public school classrooms. Homeschooling eliminates the need for much of those time-wasting activities, allowing homeschool students to complete all the work required for a day in a short period of time. The rest of the day can be spent in personally chosen activities: developing a hobby, working ahead on schoolwork, individual sports and recreation, family activities, household chores, etc.
14) Homeschooling costs a lot of money. Without the peer pressure of public school fashion or extra costs for school trips or school lunches, homeschooling can be quite economical. Some curriculum materials can be used over and over, whether by your own children or resold to other families.
15) Homeschoolers have to be tested each year by the public schools. The laws governing private education vary from state to state. Check with Home School Legal Defense Association (http://www.hslda.org/) for a listing of the laws in your state. Many options are available for compliance with the law, and yearly testing is not always required.
16) Homeschooling only works through the elementary grades. Homeschooling works just as well through high school and college. There are many curriculum options available for homeschooling through the upper grades (even through college).
17) My children could not participate in sports. Many families take advantage of city-sponsored recreational leagues, YMCA/YWCA children's teams, or dual-enroll their children in the public schools specifically to participate in sports, music classes, foreign language classes, etc. while completing the bulk of their academic work at home. Large homeschool support groups now often organize sports teams and hold their own games and tournaments with other homeschool groups or private schools.
18) My children could not do science experiments at home. Science can be effectively taught at home, even without expensive lab equipment. Some homeschool curriculum suppliers now rent lab equipment. Homeschool families often pool their resources and share equipment and expenses, sometimes teaching cooperative classes together. Community colleges have accepted homeschool high school students into chemistry, physics, and other classes, enabling the student to earn college credit at the same time he is earning high school credit for the same class.
19) Homeschoolers do not get a diploma. Homeschool families may purchase diplomas and diploma covers or design their own diploma on their home computers. (Public school diplomas are also designed on someone's computer and signed by a person who may not even be a parent or has never spent time with the individual students.)
20) Homeschoolers have to get a GED instead of a diploma. A homeschool high school diploma is valid. A homeschool transcript and ACT or SAT test score are accepted for college admission.
21) Homeschoolers cannot get into college. Colleges now routinely recruit homeschoolers, knowing that they are eager, self-motivated learners (and generally not party animals).
22) Homeschoolers cannot get into military service. All branches of the U.S. military now accept homeschoolers on the same level with high school graduates. Homeschool graduates rank above GED recipients in the military.
23) Homeschoolers never smile. Homeschooling brings out your best, so if your best is smiling, laughing, and having a good time, you will. If, however, frowning with a sour disposition is the best you can muster, well...

Don't Go Away -- I'll Be Right Back!

2005-02-11T10:06:00.000-06:00

Next week I am scheduled for major surgery, so I will be temporarily out of the blogosphere. Significant changes in my health have me facing a hysterectomy as my only remaining option, but I am trusting God to get me back my feet quickly. I would deeply appreciate your prayers for a speedy recovery and support for my family during the coming weeks.

Ladies -- What Day Is It?

2005-02-10T09:08:00.000-06:00

Caution: Pull back your toes... I'm about to step on them. I have recently addressed the issue of Drama Queens. The next obvious question is: are they learning it from you? Do you warn everyone to "stay away" during your PMS days? Do you escalate minor events to cataclysmic proportions during certain times of the month? Can everyone (including the mail carrier) tell when that time has arrived, based solely on the tension level around your house?

Take a personal "inventory" -- if you have no legitimate reason for feeling angry or sad or tense, then take a look at the calendar: what day is it? Is that the reason for your emotional overload? If so, then swallow hard and get on with life. It is not your family's fault that your cycle has cycled around again, so do not inflict punishment on them for nature's timing. Besides -- you do not need the extra guilt from mistreating the people you love most.

Realizing why I felt the way I felt (when I knew good and well there was no substantial reason for the emotions) always made it easier for me to ignore the monthly symptoms and get back to feeling like myself again. Time after time, I would find myself getting extremely upset over absolutely nothing. I could become so jittery that I felt my clothing would wear out from the inside. Other times, the most innocent comment from my husband would put me near tears. Time to check the calendar. Sure enough -- the weeks had rolled by again, and I needed to get myself under control. On the odd day that simply acknowledging the cause did not dismiss the symptoms, I could take a couple of Tylenol and soon be feeling relatively normal again.

Experiment with your diet -- an allergist once told me that we often crave the foods that we are sensitive to and should stay far away from. If you find yourself craving certain foods at certain times, monitor how your body reacts to those foods. Next month, try avoiding the object of your cravings and see if it makes a significant difference in how you feel. Sugar is the primary thing I avoid for a few days each month, just before my cycle begins and continuing for the first few days, to eliminate cramping. After many months of trial and (ouch) error, I discovered the precise timing and diet combination to give me symptom-free days. (Quite a change from being incapacitated for 2 days each month!) Natural sweeteners, such as honey or fruit juices, cause me no problems and can fulfill my sweet-craving needs without causing distress. For other women, salt is the culprit. You will have a good idea of what to start monitoring based on what you find yourself craving.

A friend with several sons was thrilled to finally get a daughter, but then lamented that the menfolk would eventually have to "put up with two of us." She held to a theory that all the women in a household will automatically shift their cycles to concur with each other. I have never experienced that -- and I came from a family full of girls and had several female roommates during college. Old wives' tales are often just that and nothing more.

Once my dietary complexities had been wrangled into submission and my calendar had revealed its secrets, my days could continue one after another with wonderful consistency. No one has ever blamed me for being a PMS-witch, or even suspected where I was, cycle-wise. My husband recently commented that I am the most even-keeled woman he has ever known -- and now you all know my secret.

"Why Aren't You in SCHOOL?"

2005-02-08T13:44:00.000-06:00

To leave or not to leave -- the house, that is, with your children during "school hours." Many new homeschooling families wonder if they must cloister themselves at home until that magic hour when the public schools dismiss for the day -- and only then could they dare to venture forth. If we truly see education as a non-stop enterprise, then we must also hold that education can and will occur in the marketplace as well as at the dining room table. But how should one respond to the nosy clerk or shopper who snidely asks, "Why aren't you children in school?"

It has been my experience that a ready answer delivered with confidence will deter most busybodies, while uncertain hesitancy just provokes more questions. Therefore, we began our occasional daytime excursions prepared to deliver a carefully rehearsed response -- "We have a half-day off today," although I do not recall ever actually having to use that particular reply. Some people never asked why my children were not in school -- evidently they saw nothing unusual, or they were already used to homeschoolers. The people who did ask us questions either stopped after our first response or continued to question, genuinely curious about homeschooling -- which my children and I were only too happy to answer.

I remember reading once about a clerk who asked a child what school he went to. The student replied, "We HOMEschool!" The puzzled clerk repeated "Weehome School? Where's that?" When my children were asked why they were not in school, they usually spoke up eagerly, proclaiming "WE homeschool!" and offering a further explanation: "This IS school -- we're comparing prices for math class!" Any time we shopped, value was a primary goal, so we were always comparing prices, sizes, and ingredients. We once were threatened by a zealous supermarket assistant manager, who felt our daughter's in-depth, store-to-store comparison of brands and prices was going too far. My husband asked for the head manager, who then became uniquely interested in our project. We left the store after completing our price survey -- with the manager's apology and a $25 gift certificate, and he happily kept a photocopy of our research of his competitors.

Usually, my children boasted that they had already finished their work for the day and were therefore free to spend the remainder of the day in their choice of pursuits. It is not our fault that the public schools are such an inefficient form of education that it takes them seven hours to complete what we could accomplish in two hours. In our first year, I felt as if we must not be dedicating sufficient time to our lessons because we got them done so quickly. Then I realized that if we were to spend as many hours in session as the public schools did, we would complete our entire school year in only a few weeks or months. A brief analysis of the public school's daily schedule reveals how much of their time is completely wasted: waiting for the teacher to take attendance and complete other daily records; waiting for quiet so the teacher can give instructions; waiting for the teacher to repeat the instructions to all those who were not listening or could not hear because of the noise made by the others who were not listening; waiting for the other students to complete the lesson so you can move on to the next one; waiting for the teacher to gain control over the discipline-challenged student in the back of the room; waiting for all the students to line up properly to move from Room A to Room B; waiting, waiting, waiting. The time they spend on actual lessons is comparable to our time spent on homeschool lessons.

After the first few years, we outgrew our timidity and began boldly going where no schoolchildren had gone before. I preferred making our trips to the grocery store or Wal-Mart during the day, because there were fewer customers during those hours, and we could do our shopping more efficiently. Our schoolwork could be done any time -- we wanted to take advantage of the best hours for our shopping. We confidently marched forth, practically daring people to ask why we were not in school. I began to call those opportunities "speech class" -- knowing my children would jump at the chance for on-the-spot experience in public speaking. They were not at all shy when it came to boasting about their homeschool accomplishments, and their confident grasp of language and vocabulary usually left their interviewers astonished and speechless.

Our city's public library is normally a quiet haven during the afternoons, hosting only a few senior citizens in the reading room. We happened to be there one day when a busload of middle-school children came in, supposedly to work on research projects. The noise level increased so dramatically that my children and I could no longer hear each other without shouting, face to face. The public school students (the ones with all those well-publicized "socialization" skills) ran all over the multi-level building, chasing, teasing, shouting, and generally disrupting everything without doing any actual research. The sole teacher with the large group of students could only be in one area at a time, leaving the bulk of her group unsupervised to wreak havoc and drive off any other daytime patrons. We finally packed up our books and went home; I did not want my children to be accidentally considered part of that rowdy group, and it was no longer an enjoyable place to be. It was no wonder that the librarian in the children's section was always happy to see my children -- they knew how to behave.

A year ago, I drove my mother-in-law to her physical therapy appointment and sat in the waiting area until she was finished. While I was reading my book, a young boy came in with his mother for her appointment, obviously during school hours. He had an apple in one hand, his Bible in the other hand, quietly took a seat near me, and promptly began reading. I broke into a huge grin as I recognized the telltale signs of a homeschooler. No situation is disrupted by a well-mannered child.

Recess was an uncomfortable concept during our first year of homeschooling. I felt (silly me) that we should start by following the "school model" of regularly timed breaks with me present as the adult playground supervisor. I soon realized that this was HOMEschool, not SCHOOL at home. This was, after all, MY home, not a concentration camp. I still lived in America, the nation with the most freedom on the planet, and homeschooling was LEGAL. Public school teachers do not have to prepare the mid-day meal for their students; I did and needed extra time for it. Government schools also take their students on boondoggled field trips all the time, so we should enjoy the same freedom. (After we had left the public school system, I learned from both of my children that they had been on several trips away from the school grounds without my knowledge or permission. So much for parents' rights.)

I loosened up and allowed my children to take their lunch break at the times that best worked into their schedules, sometimes varying with each day as they finished a subject early or needed a little extra time. I allowed them to play outdoors in our fenced backyard UNsupervised (gasp). I allowed them to take schoolwork outdoors on beautiful days to soak up some natural vitamin D and fresh air. I allowed them to ride their bicycles or rollerblades in front of the nearby middle school, even though the institution's occupants became quite distracted at the sight. (After a heckling incident during the public school's outdoor PE class, my son restricted his bicycling to during their classroom times. Years later, a boy began a conversation with my son by saying, "Hey, you're that kid who used to ride your bike outside my school!") We took walks together, whenever and wherever we wanted, knowing that even the simple act of walking around the block provided us with educational experiences in observing nature, architecture, or a street repair crew.

Time is the great healer -- a little experience will give you the confidence to tackle anything during your homeschool days. Once you recognize that education happens wherever you are, whatever you are doing, you should have no qualms about leaving your home during "school hours." Let the busybodies ask their questions -- and give them more answers than they expected.

Mundanes, Too-days, & Woe-is-me-days

2005-02-03T11:35:00.000-06:00

Another week of sub-freezing temperatures. Another layer of snow and ice. Another bout of colds and flu. Just a few weeks ago, you would have loved to have a few weeks with no holidays; now you are doing lessons day after day after day without a break, and you think you will all go stark raving crazy. All members of the Average Family Homeschool are tired of the routine, tired of being stuck indoors, tired of having to wear socks and shoes and sweaters, tired of having to sit still and write lessons, tired of staring at the same faces everyday, and tired of being tired of it all. Cabin Fever has set in.

Sometimes my calendar had Mondays, Tuesdays, and Wednesdays. At other times my days became Mundane with routine, some weeks had Too much of everything, and I felt as if someone would find me rocking back and forth in a corner, my head in my hands, sobbing Woe is me. (The nice, young men in their clean, white coats should come and take me away.) It was time for a change to the routine. Schedule be hanged -- our mental health needed emergency first aid.

Desperate times call for desperate measures. When you need a complete break from normal -- the wilder, the better. The important message to convey is that your family is what is most important to you, not your schedule. Taking even one day away from your usual routine can be very therapeutic for all of you. After a break, you will feel as if the cobwebs have been swept away from your brain cells -- everyone's mind will be able to think more clearly, and lessons that were difficult just a few days ago may suddenly seem simple.

Depending on the ages and personalities of your children, you may want to let them help plan for the Break Day, or you may want to spring it on them as a great surprise. However you decide to break up your routine, be sure to include all family members -- especially Dad, if his job schedule will allow. If Dad's work cannot provide him with time off, plan extra activities for after Dad gets home from work to include him in the fun. Dads like breaks, too, and Cabin Fever strikes everyone.

A friend of mine would randomly declare "Opposite Day!" on a winter-weary morning and serve her children hot dogs for breakfast, saving the oatmeal for supper. They all had to change into fresh pajamas for the day, and then sleep in their clothes that night. Throughout the day, anyone could declare an "opposite" activity from the normal, and all family members had to participate. The ideas that came about were always fun and always involved a twist on what we commonly expect as "normal." "Set the table" for dinner, complete with placemats and napkins, on the floor; put a simple jigsaw puzzle together face-down; make turkey-shaped decorations for Valentine's Day, etc. The only limitation was their imaginations. By the end of Opposite Day, everyone had enjoyed a wonderful break from routine, and their minds were refreshed with new thinking skills.

"Backwards Day" is a similar event, but differs in allowing individual activities to be done in reverse order. Your dinner menu can still come at its regular time, but everyone eats dessert first and finishes with a salad. Again, your imaginations are encouraged to run amok -- smashing the normal routine is the goal -- for one day, anyway. (I can think of a few energetic little boys who would eagerly accept the challenge to take every step backwards for an entire day.)

If your family has the means and the opportunity, taking a weekend away at a hotel can be a delightful break. The mid-winter blues can be effectively driven away with a few hours in the hotel swimming pool -- especially now that many hotels are building complete indoor water-parks. (Those people really know how to fill a need!) Complete your weekend with a museum tour, family movie night, or shopping at different stores than you usually frequent.

A city near us is home to a Botanical Center: a huge glass-domed structure filled with exotic flowers, trees, and tropical plants of all types; hummingbirds and butterflies flit from petal to petal, and exotic fish swim lazily in the ponds and streams that wind throughout the Xanadu-like oasis. Winter coats must remain on the lobby coat racks -- it is just too warm inside the dome for anything heavier than a t-shirt. Even the dreary gray sky outside looks warm and friendly when viewed from behind a banana tree. (Note to the pollen-sensitive: I finally had to restrict my visits to the dome: the exotic pollens sent my allergies into hyper-drive. If you are not embarrassed to wear one, a breathing mask made a short visit endurable for me, then I let my husband and kids continue their tour while I checked out the sofas in the peaceful lobby with a favorite book.)

Sometimes we took Get-Away Days, leaving town for a taste of new scenery; other times we planned Game Days: doing no bookwork, but playing games of all sorts for our educational activities. Whatever you choose for your break from the routine, enjoy it to the fullest -- Guilt-Free. Once you are back at your regularly scheduled program, you will all think more clearly and have new memories to laugh about. You have worked hard to get yourselves to this stage of needing a break; now work just as hard at refreshing yourselves -- you deserve it.

Sick Days, Snow Days, and Other Interruptions

2005-02-01T11:39:00.000-06:00

One of the Frequently Asked Questions I get from new homeschoolers is "What do you do about sick days?" I always answer with a smile: "It depends on how sick they are." It can also depend on who is sick -- teacher or student.

If a child is attending public school, there will be days when you just are not sure whether to send him or not: Johnny has a bad cold, but no fever; Mary ran just the tiniest temp for only a few hours last night and now seems bright and bouncy. They are not really well, but they are not really sick either. I preferred to keep my children home when their immune systems were already compromised, away from the germ factories known as classrooms. However, the school administration took a different view of things: they informed me that my child was "missing too much school" and must attend whether she had pink eye or not. No, I don't think so. That only confirmed my suspicions that the building was full of sick people, sharing their viruses with one and all. My daughter stayed home until our doctor okayed her return. (The public school criteria for true "illness" was the presence of vomiting or a high fever; otherwise the child was deemed "healthy" and expected to be in class -- no matter how contagious.)

Once we began homeschooling and my children felt a little bit ill, but still felt able to do some work, I gave them the option of doing only their favorite subjects. Reading was my daughter's activity of choice, so it could usually continue unless she had a really painful headache. If the student was too sick for sitting up and doing a workbook, but were not totally incapacitated, they were allowed to watch videos. Anything remotely educational was preferred, allowing me to count the day as a school day for them, rather than getting completely behind in our schedule. Games could also be played by the not-so-sick child, again redeeming some educational value from the day. If the legal requirements of your state include keeping attendance charts and detailed classwork accounts, then a light schedule for a sick child might be counted as only half a day.

When Mom is the sick one, the schedule may go completely out the window -- unless your students are responsible enough to follow an assignment chart without much assistance. In the case of extended morning sickness, I advise shifting your school time to the hours when Mom feels good enough to handle it. Everyone will survive a slight change in scheduling, and once that season has passed, you can all resume a more regular routine.

The day will come when a particularly ruthless germ invades your home and knocks everyone flat on his back. That is the time to cancel classes without adding guilt. You will all just need to lie down, be sick, and get it over with. Take as much time as is needed to recuperate -- you will regain your strength faster if you allow your body to get the rest it so desperately needs. I remember one very nasty siege we went through where Mom, Dad, and daughter were all down with a virus, leaving our young son to care for us. That little trooper must have felt as if he was king of the hill! He made us simple meals (standing on a stepstool to reach the dishes in the upper cabinets) and brought us our medications and orange juice. He could not have been more than seven years old. We repeatedly called him Our Hero, as he proudly nursed us through several days until we had the strength to stand again. He did not succumb to that sickness, and we still praise his bedside manner (and immune system), years later.

Snow days -- when the public schools are not in session due to inclement weather -- present a different problem. If your home is not surrounded by dozens of neighborhood children building snowmen, sledding, and having snowball fights, then you may be able to carry on a normal day's routine, without even noticing the change in others' plans. If, however, your children can sense their neighborhood playmates suiting up in parkas, boots, and mittens, the decision is yours as to whether you want to let them play all day or battle for their attention. We had a favorite saying for just this occasion: "Homeschoolers don't get snow days off -- we get gorgeous days off." We could usually ignore the rare public school snow day and stick to our own schedule, but we were the nasty family going for a walk in the middle of that first lovely warm day in March. My children were the ones riding their bicycles or roller-blading past the nearby middle school every nice day after lunch, much to the envy of the students watching out the institution's windows.

When we took a "gorgeous" day off, it was usually because Dad could join us for a picnic, spontaneous field trip, or nature hike around our favorite lake, allowing us plenty of educational opportunities to document for the school day. These events do tend to ruin tightly scripted schedules, so I learned over the years to plan fewer lessons than the legally required number of schooldays. I did not always hold rigidly to the plans I made, realizing that "life happens," and I needed to have flexibility built into my schedule.

Other interruptions will crop up when you are the least prepared for them -- a broken bone, a job transfer to another state, the serious illness or death of a grandparent, or worse. During times of catastrophic interruptions, strip your class schedule down to the bare minimum requirements and reassure yourself that "this, too, shall pass." You will all need extra time to deal with the emotions accompanying your present disaster, so make time for family activities and enjoy your moments together -- taking two hours off to watch a video cuddled together on the sofa can be a very healing experience. Life will eventually get back to its more normal pace and you can catch up on the other subjects later. It is important to remind ourselves that life -- real life -- does not fit into a carefully planned schedule: we take it one day at a time, and we deal with each day as it comes.

Consider the real-life lessons your children will receive from seeing how to deal with a family crisis. It is very helpful to have the memory of seeing adults grieve, adapt, make plans, and move on with what needs to be done in life. When children are completely sheltered from the matters usually tended to by adults, they have no knowledge of how to deal with these things themselves when the time comes.

My brother-in-law died unexpectedly when I was in eighth grade, and I was rushed off on the school bus that morning and expected to carry on as if it was any other day -- no explanations, no time to grieve, nothing. I was allowed to miss classes long enough to attend his funeral, but otherwise, I had no clue as to what went into those few days. During our homeschooling days, we spent extended periods of time doing math lessons in hospital waiting rooms while grandparents underwent surgeries or the final days of life. The math was a "normal" activity that helped my children cope, but they also would not have wanted to be kept at home, away from their loved ones. My children (ages 11 and 14 then) gained a true picture of life during that time: they were in the midst of it all, alternately receiving and offering comfort and encouragement, not isolated in an artificial environment called "the classroom."

Adapt to life as it happens -- your schedule should be your tool, not your master. Every deviation from your normal routine provides another opportunity for real-life lessons. Make the best of the bad situations, whether you are demonstrating on-the-spot first aid, sickroom care, or snow sculpture engineering, and never underestimate the education that will be gained from the interruptions to your schedule.

Dropping the Drama

2005-01-27T11:03:00.000-06:00

Drama is a word that is used much too often today. T-shirts and other merchandise proclaiming "Drama Queen" can be spotted at any mall, both on the racks and on the shoppers. Young girls often boast that the name fits them, and then they exhibit the behavior to prove it. Males are not completely exempt from this behavior, although it seems to be found more often in females. Parents can be heard applying the epithet to their offspring. Are these harmless jests, or is there more to it?

The current context in which "drama" is being used refers to an excessive focus on self. A "drama queen" takes petty things too seriously and pays no attention whatsoever to the things in life that really matter. Keeping the focus on one's self feeds the ego. A well-fed ego is displayed in pride. Pride is something we are warned about in God's Word as being evil; it is considered one of the "seven deadly sins" that anyone should try to avoid.

We speak often to children about getting our "feelings" hurt. The feeling that is getting hurt in that instance is pride. If someone "hurts my feelings," I have to assume that my pride is what is actually being offended (since there is no accompanying physical wound). My personal opinion is that if I have pride regarding the matter at hand, then it needs to be removed -- so go ahead and let me have it.

When I was a young girl (probably early high school age), the retired couple next door worked at a group home for troubled children. They were the "relief" parents and alternated between the boys' cottage and the girls' cottage, filling in while the regular staff took time off each week. One day, after a particularly trying weekend, the older gentleman gave me a few words of sage advice that have stuck with me my entire life: "Grow up to be a boy, not a girl." He quickly went on to explain his thoughts, probably due to the extreme confusion on my face. He said the girls they worked with would become upset at the least offense and held grudges for days or weeks, sometimes months. The boys were quite the opposite; he could reprimand one of the boys for the most serious rules infraction, and five minutes later, that boy would still be his best friend. His simple advice to me was to drop the drama and get on with life -- do not take myself too seriously.

A Drama Queen is probably feeding her self-obsession from all the wrong sources: television soap operas and drama series, movies lacking admirable characters and a worthwhile plot, "romance" novels, and song lyrics and music videos devoted to self, self, self. Take inventory of what your pre-teens and early teens are reading, watching, and listening to. Paul wrote in Philippians 4:8, "Fix your thoughts on what is true and honorable and right. Think about things that are pure and lovely and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise." [New Living Translation] Just as we say with nutrition: you are what you eat -- if "junk food" is consumed into our brains, we can only expect the same to come forth from our emotions.

Encouraging dramatic behavior in ourselves or in our children does no good for anyone. It maintains an over-emphasis on self, instead of looking for how we can serve others, as Jesus advocated and modeled for us. The popular "What Would Jesus Do?" evaluation can help us tremendously in straightening out our priorities. Reading the original In His Steps by Charles Sheldon can be a wonderful dose of perspective for anyone (children's versions are now available). We need to explain this same principle to our children as they are growing up: we should show them how to help others and how to reach out to others to keep them from focusing continually on themselves. If you live in America today, you are extremely wealthy, compared to nearly anywhere else on the planet -- no matter who you are or what you own. Find someone else to focus on, volunteer to help with a community or church outreach, and stop thinking the world revolves around you. Drop the drama and get on with life.

Is This "Acceptable Behavior"?

2005-01-25T11:45:00.000-06:00

As we congratulated the graduating homeschool senior, he addressed us as Mr. and Mrs. Morrison and thanked us for attending the ceremony. My husband fondly gripped his shoulder and chuckled, "You can call me by my first name -- you're an adult now." The young man's face showed a touch of embarrassment as he glanced around the room for his parents. "No," he replied, "I can't." We understood. The graduate's parents insisted that their children address adults by formal titles and last names only. To do otherwise was considered unacceptable behavior in their family.

Some parents instruct their children to call me Miss Carolyn, others call me Mrs. Morrison, and still others simply use my first name with no formal title, which is actually my preference as a very casual Midwesterner. The decision of how to address elders lies with each family and their preference for formality, and the manners are enforced by them, not by me. This philosophy also applies to "store manners," "indoor voices," "company behavior," and other special occasions for which we have special rules. Each family sets and enforces its own guidelines for acceptable behavior.

When my children exhibited behavior that was inappropriate for the circumstances, I quietly took the offender aside and explained in age-appropriate language why this was not acceptable behavior and offered an alternative response so that the child would know how I expected him to act the next time. Removing the child from the public eye for this heart-to-heart chat avoided further embarrassment for either of us, thereby preventing revenge from becoming part of the mix. If an apology was required, I also tried to help the child see the situation from the opposing point of view, so that (hopefully) he could empathize with the offended party and offer a sincere apology.

Once the limits of acceptability have been established, the parent can simply ask the child "Is this acceptable behavior?" The child now knows the answer himself and can correct his actions without further discussion. Sometimes the parent may need to use a slightly firmer tact of "This is not acceptable behavior," but the outcome should still be the same with the child correcting his own actions. If the child has successfully learned what is and what is not acceptable behavior, the parent does not need to go through the teaching process again any time a rule has been broken. To do so raises the child to the position of control in the situation -- something no parent wants to have happen.

We have all been caught in the supermarket checkout lane when an over-tired toddler takes control of his harried parent. Either the child is immediately rewarded with candy, toys, and mechanical pony rides, or all the other shoppers in the store are subjected to his ear-piercing screams until he finally does get his way. (I am continually reminded by my young adult children, "You never let us get away with that behavior!" I am not sure if they are bothered more by the disruption or by the thought that they missed out on a lot of loot.) When my young children asked if they could have a toy or candy, I gave them a definite answer, either yes or no. In the case of a negative answer, they would often ask again a few seconds later. I always replied, "I already answered that. Will my answer change?" It took very few repetitions of this scenario before they learned to stop asking -- Mom almost never changed her mind. Once they had learned not to beg and plead for trinkets and trifles, it was great fun for me to offer them a treat as a reward for good behavior. The reward was not given on every trip, though, lest it become expected and cease being a reward.

Expect your children to test the limits you set up. (See Parent Is a Verb for a more complete explanation of why children test boundaries.) Do not expect children to understand acceptable vs. unacceptable behavior unless a thorough explanation has also been given at some point in time. However, once the boundaries have been set, your word should remain law with only very rare exceptions allowed under extreme circumstances. Only occasional reminders should be necessary to correct unacceptable situations, keeping the parents in the seat of authority and keeping the children much happier with a lowered level of stress in the entire family.

Respect Must Be Earned

2005-01-19T10:45:00.000-06:00

Respect is not just the title of a Motown song. Aretha Franklin may have settled for "just a little bit," but even more is possible when taking the right approach. Respect is not given away freely, however -- respect must be earned. If your actions or your words or your life's witness is not worthy of respect, you can demand respect from now until Doomsday, but you will never get respect. The only way to get respect is to be worthy of it -- then it comes automatically.

If you show respect to those around you, specifically to your students, you will likely get respect in return. If you despise those around you by constantly demanding, whining, and complaining to or about them, no amount of demanding, whining, or complaining will earn that respect for you. Show respect to those actions worthy of respect -- praising what can be praised and looking for virtue and goodness in the unexpected areas of life. Remember the old adage of attracting more flies with honey than with vinegar.

I treated my children the way I wanted to be treated -- I said "please" and "thank you" to them just as I would have said to another adult. Hearing it over and over impressed the routine into their brains, and they were soon saying "the magic words" as well, needing only a few gentle reminders and earning encouraging praise. One day I was babysitting a neighbor's sons after school, and the older boy had gone across the street (with permission) to play with the other neighborhood children. As I called to him out my front door and asked him to "please come home now," another Mom heard me from her front yard. "Boy, I can sure tell he's not really your kid!" was her response. "Nobody would say 'please' to their own kids!" I was shocked. I had always asked my own children to "please do" things. Another day I babysat that woman's daughter for a few hours and learned first-hand that there was a severe lack of both manners and respect in their home.

One rule I set up in our home was that "a closed door is considered to be a locked door," meaning that anyone desiring privacy could close his bedroom door and know that he had a sanctuary to himself. I admit that the reason behind it was that our house is old and has settled oddly, making bedroom doors almost impossible to latch. However, the lesson in respect was taught as I knocked on my children's doors and waited for permission to enter their space. They eventually reciprocated by knocking on each other's doors before entering. (Be patient on this one -- the youngest child seems to experience the least personal privacy and takes the longest to learn how to respect it.)

We belonged to several homeschool support groups over the years, and participated in many activities: field trips, co-op classes and sports, family potlucks, business meetings -- a wide variety of situations in which to observe interpersonal relationships. From those encounters, it became easy to distinguish which families exercised respect toward each other. The parents who shouted and demanded attention were also the ones who showed no respect to anyone else, adult or child, family or friend. The students in the group had no respect for those adults -- not surprisingly. The adults who were well respected by the students were those who modeled respect to everyone, asking with a "please," sharing smiles and encouraging words, and not barking orders like a drill sergeant.

If you have recently removed your children from an institutional school setting (or would like to), you probably are experiencing problems with respect. Even if you have been homeschooling for several years, if you currently find yourself surrounded by family members who show no respect to each other, including yourself, you do have a long, slow climb ahead of you -- but this mountain can be mastered. You must lead by example, since yours is the behavior you have the most direct influence on. Once you have begun to change your own responses, then you will have the grounds on which to enforce the change in others as well.

Begin with a complete change in your own attitude: recognize that the only direction to take is up and out of this hole that you have dug yourselves into. Follow that with a sincere apology to the rest of your family -- spouse and children. Apologize to them for having been a poor example, explain to them why you feel a change in everyone's behavior is necessary, and give them a few examples of what you will be doing to start changing your own outlook -- then follow through on your own list. Either this radical, 180-degree shift will leave your loved ones open-mouthed with shock and an instant dose of newfound respect, or they will be rolling on the floor in convulsive laughter, wiping the tears from their cheeks, and gasping for breath. If the latter scenario happens, calmly walk away, steeling yourself with new resolve, and work all the harder to prove how seriously you are taking this -- your family will be won over only through solid, physical evidence. Slip-ups and setbacks will inevitably occur, but asking your family for their forgiveness when you fail, and graciously extending your forgiveness to them for their failures will keep everyone headed in the desired direction.

From time to time, I have found myself in head-to-head disagreements with I-demand-your-respect administrative-types, whether in homeschooling associations or fill-in-the-blank-other groups. When I have been confronted with my adversaries in heated debates, my level of respect for them sinks in proportion to their stubbornness and refusal to listen to any opposing views. Once, however, several months after I had withdrawn my membership from a certain group over a particularly nasty debacle, a member of the opposing side showed up at my front door, genuinely humbled, asking for my forgiveness. Let me tell you -- my respect for that person was instantly renewed -- and to sky-high proportions! Our friendship was restored immediately, without reserve or second thoughts.

A similar transformation will take place between family members -- when sincerity is present. Consider what it would take to earn your respect in a situation between adults, and then apply that to your relationships with your students. Children can sense genuineness and will never be fooled by fakery. For this endeavor to succeed, you must be steadfast and diligent in your attempts to earn their respect. When I obviously blew it as a teacher, I apologized for my ignorance and for my shortcomings and was always rewarded with another chance from my students. When my lessons became tedious or boring, I asked my students for their input and always received wonderful suggestions. When I felt I was not getting proper respect, I made it clear that I knew I was not the final authority on how-to-homeschool, and we all benefited from the sharing of thoughts and ideas and taking second looks (and thirds and fourths...) at what we wanted to accomplish and discussing how we would like to get there.

Whether you are deeply embedded in a pattern of being disrespectful to those you love or you just want to establish good habits before the bad ones take hold, be assured that one person's attitude is contagious. Be aware of what comes out of your own mouth, monitor what you allow to be said (and done) by others in your household, and set your course for mutual respect. I say again, the only way to get respect is to be worthy of it. Respect is not given away; respect must be earned.

POST SCRIPT
One more, very important way of showing respect is done by not insisting that your activity is the only important activity. Suppose my son is enjoying a video game during his free time, but the kitchen trashcan is overflowing. Tomorrow is trash collection day, and emptying the trash is my son's responsibility. I go to the room where my son is playing his game and watch the screen for a few seconds to see how intense the action is. When it appears to be at an appropriate lull, I ask him if he can pause the game for a moment. Once the game has been paused, I will kindly remind him of his trash duty, add that it is overflowing now, and finish with my thanks in advance for completing the job. I also add any conditions of whether the job must be done immediately, or if it can wait until he has finished playing the game -- with the caveat that the chore must be accomplished before supper or before bedtime, etc.

Allowing my child to finish the activity he is currently involved with sends the message that I see his time as important, too, not just my time. I reap the rewards of this when my children come to me for a favor: they will specify whether they need the assistance immediately or if it can wait a few minutes or a few days. If I were consistently interrupting my children's activities, demanding that they drop everything to do my bidding, they would soon develop great resentment towards me, knowing that I view them as mere slaves. When I respect their efforts, they respect those efforts as well, and it shows in the results.

Number and Letter Recognition

2005-01-12T11:52:00.000-06:00

Once upon a time, every typewriter produced the exact same font and all printed books looked pretty much the same. Once upon a time, everyone learned handwriting in the exact same format, and (when done with care) nearly everyone's handwriting looked the same as anyone else's. I remember being fascinated that each of my teachers could write on the chalkboard exactly like each of the other teachers. (My own handwriting never quite measured up.) Now we live in a computer-driven world, with no limit to the designs of fonts available. This can present real difficulty for some children in recognizing the similarities and learning their letters. The same problem exists with numbers, sometimes posing an even greater stumbling block.

We overcame this obstacle with a simple, inexpensive, and fun activity. We made a notebook containing samples of each letter (one letter per page), and another notebook for numbers. We scrounged through newspapers, old magazines, and junk mail for examples to be included in our books. The children soon became great detectives, learning to decide for themselves if a certain letter was an "m" or an "n," or a "P" or an "R," and "Mom, is this right?" was heard less and less. Children are always attracted by scissors and glue, so the motivation was simple.

Many alphabet books will display numerous objects beginning with each chosen sound, but few will bother to show each letter in different fonts. I remember being stumped as a very young student when my older sister showed me the author's name on her latest Nancy Drew book and asked me if I could read it. The name, CAROLYN KEENE, was printed in all upper case letters. I was learning to print my name with only a capital "C" and the rest in lower case letters. There seemed to be something very familiar about the author's name, but it still did not look quite right to me. A generation later, I shared this story with my own children and explained my early confusion with the use of upper and lower case letters. As we assembled our letter notebook, we included both upper and lower case examples, making the variety of letter appearances much less confusing to them.

Our number notebook had individual pages for 0-19, and then grouped pages for the 20's, 30's and so on. Once the children had understood the concept from the letter notebook, the number differences were more easily grasped. The 0-9 pages were the most important, since they showed the variations in fonts and all the other pages built upon that principle. We did include a few pictures, usually clipped from grocery ads, showing groups of 3 apples or 5 bananas or a six-pack of soda cans.

The notebooks themselves were scrounged from whatever we had already lying around the house: old 3-ring binders and loose-leaf filler paper, or leftover spiral notebooks with just enough pages remaining. Making the notebooks was the primary exercise in learning the lesson; once the notebooks were completed, we rarely returned to look at them again, unless it was to add another unique example.

Children, from those just beginning to learn their letters to those beginning to read, will benefit from a lesson in the varieties of font designs. A few pieces of paper bound together in some form of booklet, scissors, and a glue stick will be the basis for your simple lesson. All you have to add is junk mail.

The Bible Is Relevant to My Life Today?

2005-01-10T09:35:00.000-06:00

"I didn't know the Old Testament could be relevant to my life today!" She was a homeschool Mom, a good friend of mine, and a long-time believer. I was really excited to share some scriptures with her from Jeremiah that were confirmation and guidance for a spiritual battle she and I were going through together. I was floored. Could there be a Christian within my sphere of influence who did not know the power of the entire Bible? How could a believer today not depend on the wisdom of the Old Testament to supplement the grace of the New Testament? The lesson I learned that day was that I should readily share my love of God's Word with my friends as well as with my children so that they may learn a better appreciation for its timelessness.

Short, spontaneous lessons applying scripture to daily life help our children see that the Bible touches all areas of their lives. Even if I do not know the verse perfectly from memory, I can still give my children the benefit of seeing that God's Word is living and active by paraphrasing the verse until I get my hands on the concordance software to find the actual quote.

Proverbs 22:6 "Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it."(NASB) The New Living Translation says it in a way I like even better: "Teach your children to choose the right path, and when they are older, they will remain upon it." I am not raising children; I am training adults: productive citizens, valuable members of society. What are you making for dinner? Water, meat, and vegetables -- or soup? Children are the raw materials -- responsible adults are the goals. Children are very anxious to grow up, and they will be equally anxious to learn when they realize you are trying to help them grow up.

I Samuel 15:22 "Has the Lord as much delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as in obeying the voice of the Lord? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed than the fat of rams." Yes, it is a very nice drawing, and I can tell you have worked very hard on it. However, what I had asked you to do was to pick up all your Legos and put them away. You did not obey. Do you understand the difference? Now you go back and pick up the Legos while I put this picture on the refrigerator.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 "There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event [delight] under heaven..." Do not get so wrapped up in schedules that you miss taking "gorgeous days" off. If this lesson just is not working, put it away for now; in 2 days (or 2 weeks, or 2 months) things will be different and it may work just fine.

Luke 15:4-7 "What man among you, if he has a hundred sheep and has lost one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the open pasture, and go after the one which is lost, until he finds it? And when he has found it, he lays it on his shoulders, rejoicing. And when he comes home, he calls together his friends and his neighbors, saying to them, 'Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep which was lost!' I tell you that in the same way, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents, than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance." We usually think of salvation with this parable, but we can also apply this to teaching: if one child is straggling behind, the lamb's wool is caught in a thicket, that student is stuck on a lesson -- go and find where that lamb is stuck and help him get free to move on. Find the way to help him gain understanding.

James 1:5 "But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all men generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him." 'Nuff said.

I may not have an impressive amount of Bible verses memorized verbatim, but I do know what the Bible says about many different topics. God has stirred my heart on many occasions with the perfect Bible story to share with the day's events. Sometimes I know exactly where the desired verses are located, and sometimes I have to spend a little time searching for them, but in the end, I can read the passage with my family and show them where God's Word speaks to today's circumstances. The Bible is relevant to our lives today.

The Wise Man Learns from the Mistakes of Others, The Fool Has to Learn from His Own

2005-01-05T11:26:00.000-06:00

Before you reach for your concordance, I will admit that the title is not a verse from Proverbs. It is, however, a teaching from the book of Proverbs, stated many times in a variety of ways. As King Solomon put it, the fool is incapable of learning anything from anyone else. If we can find a lesson to be learned in any situation, we make ourselves wise.

My family has often analyzed the conversations and actions of others, not for the purpose of ridicule, but in order to learn valuable lessons ourselves. We have also analyzed circumstances and commended the person involved for the way they handled it: it does not have to be a mistake in order to learn the lesson. I am a firm believer in learning from others, if only to avoid the pain and embarrassment of having to go through their mistakes myself. I also have used the actions of others many times as examples with my children. "Do you think she reacted properly in that situation?" "How could he have handled that differently?" "What would you do if you found yourself in similar circumstances?" "How do you think that situation could have been avoided?" We readily apply this technique to analyzing literature -- why do we hesitate to apply it to real life?

Much too often in Christian circles, people are rebuked for analyzing the actions of others, under the pretense of "avoiding gossip." In my experience, those who scolded the loudest have been those with the most to hide, and were striving only to keep their own faults away from public scrutiny. Gossip cannot wait to share the latest juicy detail; gossip must be the one to divulge a secret. Compassion withholds details and keeps secrets, but may, in a private, controlled environment, analyze what went wrong or what could have been done differently to affect a better outcome the next time.

After spending a few years in separate colleges, my daughter and a friend were enjoying a day of "catching up." As they discussed old friends and where-are-they-now's, my daughter remarked that certain ones would definitely not follow through on their chosen paths. A few months later, as predicted, the drastic changes occurred. When the two girls got together again, the friend was amazed at the accuracy of my daughter's foresight -- which was explained based on reviewing the friends' histories. Patterns of poor decision-making had simply continued, true to form. The girl had never noticed the patterns in her friends, even though she had known some of them for many years. My daughter had recognized and analyzed previous poor choices by those specific friends, and it involved very little risk to predict their future behaviors.

If we were to point fingers with a haughty attitude and puff ourselves up for being superior to those around us who make mistakes, we would become the ultimate fools ourselves. If, however, we see lessons we can learn in every circumstance of life, we will grow wiser with each passing day.

Post Script...

It is clear that I put more emphasis on observing the poor decisions of others than I put toward studying their successes. To my analytical mind, it is much easier to pinpoint where a plan derailed than it is to notice all of the steps that went right in creating a success. It is impossible to know all of the planning and behind-the-scenes preparation another person goes through, often leaving me to wonder how they affected the desired outcome (what percentage was due to careful planning, networking, dumb luck, or God's divine providence?). If I chose to follow the steps of a successful person, I would be more likely to imitate the details that I felt were critical, but in reality may have been insignificant, and miss the crucially important decisions that lie hidden.

Current Events 101

2005-01-03T14:42:00.000-06:00

Tsunami disaster. Catastrophe. Utter devastation. I find these phrases to be sorely inadequate. I still have a home, clothing, food, drinkable water, and my family. I live in the most prosperous nation in the world. I have no true needs. I will give from this abundance.

School is not always history; sometimes the best learning starts from things happening in our own world at our own time. The current headlines can be used to give your students an awareness of world events outside their safe and cozy environment. On September 11, 2001, my son's curriculum changed dramatically to include Current Events 101: using TV news reports, newspapers, and the internet as our resources, we developed our own course, day by day. While that event was much closer to the American heart, this most recent event has much more far-reaching effects.

This website has been visited by readers from India, Indonesia, Malaysia, Singapore, East Africa, and many of the European countries whose citizens were in the South Asian area at the time of the earthquake and resulting tsunami. My husband's co-workers made trips recently to the same region. Another has financially adopted several children in Thailand and has traveled there several times to do what he can for them. My daughter has an online friend who returned from a visit to Thailand's beaches only weeks before this tragedy hit. We have dear friends who have recently moved from Iowa to Hawaii, joking that the weather is much more favorable there -- no tornadoes, only tsunamis to worry about. They are no longer in a joking mood. That former missionary had bouts of recurring malaria while staying at my home -- but she also had the proper medication with her. Without anti-malarial medicine to kill the parasite, the patient will die. I can see both the current tragedies from the tsunami's path and the future peril of disease that will inundate these regions.

Perhaps I am seeing this tragedy more clearly through newly-opened eyes, but I feel this should be shared with our children. In words appropriate to their ages, talk with your students about what has happened and what will happen. Discuss it with them in ways suited to their level of comprehension, being careful not to frighten the small ones. Children can understand more than we usually give them credit for, and they will inevitably see and hear things that relate to the tsunami tragedy. If you make the subject available for discussion, you can be sure your children will get the proper perspective and understanding of the situation. Death does not need to be the primary focus, especially for younger children, even though record numbers of innocent victims have lost their lives or their family members. Your older students can be allowed to delve more deeply into the news reports, but caution them to use discretion when discussing the subject around their younger siblings. As the teacher, you can center your study on weather phenomena, map-reading, cultural differences, animal instincts, even why electronic funds transfers are an efficient form of giving -- whatever is age-appropriate for your children.

Some children may want to do some type of fund-raising for the international relief effort, and I would encourage that -- as long as it is on a scale that fits in with your family's needs and priorities. Giving should begin at home, and teaching our children to be generous is best done by example. Careful discussions can bring an awareness of others and their needs to our children, helping to eliminate the self-centered focus that often accompanies childhood. Do not be afraid to talk to your children about tragedies such as this, just approach it from a perspective that they will understand and limit your discussions to what their ages can handle.

Finalist in the Best of Blog Awards!

2005-01-01T11:21:00.000-06:00

Guilt-Free Homeschooling is in the Top Ten Finalists for Best Education/Homeschooling Blog! Our heartfelt thanks to all our readers and supporters around the world.

Where Do I Begin???

2004-12-22T15:49:00.000-06:00

[co-written by Jenny and Carolyn]

You would like to begin homeschooling. Your children are already in school. How do you begin? Start with a trip through the Home School Legal Defense Association's website (http://www.hslda.org) to learn what must be done in your area to be in compliance with your state's laws. Some states require notification before you remove your children from a formal school; some do not. Trust HSLDA as your final authority: public school officials are often woefully ignorant of their state's laws. Laws and requirements vary from state to state, so do not assume you can do the same thing as your friend's neighbor's sister-in-law who lives three states away. HSLDA also has links to homeschool support groups in your state or local region. Find the name of a homeschooling family and call them up -- if they do not feel they can answer your questions, ask them to suggest someone else who can. I have spoken to many potential homeschooling families who just needed a little boost in the encouragement department.

The first physical step would be to pull your children from the school system they are in, but truly, you already have started teaching them. Your children have been learning from you from the time when their big eyes first followed you around the room, though they could not even speak or understand you, and it has progressed from there (see Who Taught This Kid to Walk...). Not getting your children up early enough to catch the bus may seem too simple of a way to begin homeschooling, but that is the beauty of home education. You may choose to delay removal from a school system until a semester break or major holiday break, but it often is not necessary. Others (in more drastic circumstances) choose to pull their children out NOW before another day goes by.

From there you can begin with the books that you already have around the house. Literature is a great way to start: read to your children, and have them read to you. Make cookies together and do the math of fractions. Play with water or corn meal and all your measuring utensils. There is no need to freak out and think you need a formal set-up. Relax and enjoy having your family together, and learn from life. Watch an historical video and discuss the parts that interest you. Spend an afternoon at the library. Walk around your local business district and see what you have never noticed before. If you are the only customers in a shop, talking to the owner can result in a fantastic, spontaneous field trip. Visit a local museum or antique shop and ask questions of the proprietor. Later, textbooks or organized lessons can be added, but it is not necessary right away, even if you are starting with a child who is in junior high or high school. You can still allow yourselves to take it easy at first; it helps make the transition less stressful and more enjoyable. Do not worry about desks and art supplies and music lessons until you find a need for them. Cuddling together on the sofa or gathering around the dining table will work just fine for now.

When you begin to doubt whether you are doing enough, stop to consider how much time your children would be wasting in a classroom while waiting in line, waiting for silence, or waiting for the teacher to finish whatever is going on before they can all move on to the next thing. A lesson that requires 45 minutes for a classroom to do may take only 10 minutes at home with one student. If you have multiple children, you may be able to combine lessons sometimes and save even more time. The entire family can enjoy a video or read-aloud book, and then your students can continue the lesson with assignments appropriate to their ages and abilities (i.e. further research, comparison or analysis of characters, make a costume and re-enact a scene). When my daughter had to read Hamlet for a college class, my son joined her for the video/read-along session and used it for high school literature credit.

It is beneficial and therapeutic to spend time contemplating what things you and your students have learned at home -- remembering that we learn much more from life's experiences than we do from books! Enjoy your time together as a family. From mealtime conversation to family game night, the educational opportunities never stop. Those opportunities were always there, but you were all too exhausted from rushing to keep up with school schedules to take advantage of them.

Sorting Toys Is Algebra

2004-12-20T15:05:00.001-06:00

Do you realize that the mental skill used in sorting army men from building blocks is the same mental skill used in sorting variables in algebra problems? Makes higher math a little less scary, doesn't it?

When a child can recognize and organize a playroom floor full of toys, he is honing the same skill he will use years later in recognizing and organizing an equation full of x's, y's, and xy's. Whether the army men are green or tan, they are all considered army men, and building blocks are building blocks, regardless of their color. Whether the math variable is 2x or 3x, it is still considered an x-quantity. Army men do not get stored with building blocks, and x's do not get combined with y's.

If children are old enough to play with toys, they are old enough to put those toys away again. We used shoeboxes and plastic ice cream buckets large enough to hold all the army men or all the building blocks. Long before reading skills were acquired, I drew picture labels on index cards and taped them to each container (nothing fancy, just rough, cartoon-style illustrations -- no words). Each child also had a picture chart for how to clean his room: a drawing of a messy bed and an arrow pointing to a drawing of a made-up bed; a drawing of books on the floor and an arrow pointing to a drawing of books on the shelf; a drawing of clothes in a pile on the floor and an arrow pointing to a drawing of the hamper. You get the idea. So will your kids. The artistically-challenged can adapt the idea with photos or pictures cut from magazines or catalogs.

The skill of tidying up the play area is extremely valuable, both to children and to parents. The children will grow in confidence and courage as they realize they have a new skill. Obviously, the parents will appreciate any amount of help in clearing a path through the house. However, do not expect your tiny tykes to understand this endeavor the first time you spring it on them, and do not expect them to do a first-class, absolutely perfect job... ever (hence the need for containers roomy enough to easily fit the contents). To begin with, sit on the floor with your little darlings and challenge them to pick out all of one specific type of toy from the jumble on the floor and put them into their container while you dispatch all of the other toys to their assigned spots. Point out to them how it is simpler to pick out the largest pieces first, before trying to select the tiniest pieces. Eventually, your little helper will be able to tackle two or three types of toys, one after the other. After they have mastered their sorting skills, you will notice them sorting out several different types of toys at the same time, as you would. Be sure to point out their progress and praise them for it.

Make your pick-up time fun by challenging each other to races or by sliding the Matchbox cars down a strip of racetrack into their storage box. Always allow for clean-up time as a part of playtime, so that no one is caught by surprise, and you are not left to clean up the mess after everyone else is tucked into bed. I did not want to make pick-up time feel like a punishment to be dreaded, so I helped my children as they learned the task and praised them for the good jobs they were doing. I have always enjoyed having someone to talk to while I clean up my kitchen, so I could easily understand why my children wanted my company while picking up their toys. "Together-time" with your children is never wasted time.

Another reward for a job well done was permission to play with more than one board game at a time. When I was a child, my mother had a strict rule that one game or puzzle had to be completely picked up and put away before a second one could be brought out. My children's success at efficiently sorting and storing won them the privilege of playing with more than one thing at a time -- which their creative minds took to new heights as they invented ways of combining games. They found it as much fun to sort out the pieces from multiple games, as it had been to play with the games themselves. Plus, you can only have enough letter tiles to solve some word puzzles when you combine the tiles from Scrabble, Scrabble Junior, and Upwords along with the anagram tiles!

I began teaching this sorting task to my children when they were very small -- toddlers, in fact -- years before we began homeschooling. I did not actually see the connection to higher math until years later. My children had no difficulty with understanding the concepts of polynomials (xy-type variables, for those of you who have forgotten or not reached that point yet in your homeschool), due in great part, I feel, to the sorting skills they possessed.

We held a birthday party for my daughter at age 15 and invited a handful of her homeschool peers. One of the games we had prepared was a jigsaw puzzle challenge. Each team of 2 girls was given a bag of jigsaw puzzle pieces: 3 puzzles combined -- all simple, elementary level puzzles of varying size and complexity, but with all their pieces combined. The challenge was to separate the puzzles and reassemble all 3 puzzles before the other teams completed theirs. I was amazed at how difficult this was for some of the girls. Even though the puzzles were easily separated by the size of their pieces, some of the players had extreme difficulty in recognizing that. None of the puzzles contained more than 100 pieces, and each one was very simple to distinguish from the others and put together. As I later analyzed this situation in regard to the families involved, I concluded that the players who had the most difficulty came from families where Overworked Mom did all the picking up.

We should never feel that teaching our children to do household cleaning tasks is a punishment for them -- it is giving them a future, valuable, life skill. In this particular case, they will learn recognition, sorting, and organization -- skills valuable for their further education, as well as being beneficial for personal and professional choices they will make later in their lives. Learning to sort toys is learning to prioritize.

[See also The Importance of Play in Education]

Screening -- Paying Attention to Red Flags

2004-12-15T09:44:00.000-06:00

Be aware of what is being taught in any outside groups in which your children participate. Just because your friends approve of a certain group, it does not mean that you also have to approve or will approve of the same group. This applies to church-sponsored youth groups, church-sponsored Bible classes or clubs, scout troops, homeschool co-op classes, library story hours, etc. If you have already chosen to homeschool your children, you are obviously rather particular about what things they learn and how they learn them. If your children are currently enrolled in a public or private school, you may be noticing attitude changes taking place that correspond to their participation in specific activities, clubs, groups, etc.

Any changes in your child's typical behavior should call you to attention. The changes may be positive ones, in which case you want to take notice of what caused the change and see if you can use that tactic in other areas as well to produce additional positive results. If, however, the changes in your child's behavior are towards more negative behavior, you will want to investigate what has prompted those changes in order to correct a small problem before it becomes a major disaster.

Does your child look forward to attending the group/activity, or does the child suddenly become unruly, stubborn, and disruptive as the appointed time draws near? Does your child tell you about the group in great detail, or is it nearly impossible to glean any details whatsoever (especially noteworthy in a usually talkative child)? Does the child exhibit markedly different behavior upon returning home from the group/activity -- is his attitude towards parents or siblings undesirable: rude, selfish, or extraordinarily superior? These are red flags, telltale signs that your child may be receiving teaching/coaching/prompting that is contrary to your family's values. It may be coming from the leader of the group/activity or from friends he encounters at the group. Whatever the source, you will want to look deeper into the situation before it becomes a bigger problem.

Offer to assist the teacher with "crowd control" as a subtle way to check out what values are being passed on to your students. Mild differences can be discussed with your students before or after the class while still gaining as much benefit as possible from the class/activity itself. Major differences of value systems may require that your family withdraw their participation from the group. If the group is worth being involved with, it is worth your time as well as your child's. Volunteer in whatever capacity will obtain you the spot you need in order to see what is going on. Speaking as a former leader, I would never have refused an offer of help; extra hands were always appreciated, whether the group was large or small.

We have run up against other children whose families simply had different values from ours. A brief discussion of "family values" with our children helped to clarify things for them, so that they could evaluate others' points of view and determine for themselves what was worthy of ignoring. At other times, we found ourselves head-to-head with an important difference of philosophy from the leadership of an entire group. In those situations, we had to spend a great deal of time in soul-searching, family discussions, and meeting with the group leadership in efforts to rectify differences. When the problem was simply a misunderstanding, getting everything out in the open would quickly clear up any problems. Other, larger confrontations stemmed from troubles deep within organizational structures. Investigative probing revealed difficulties so vast that we knew our family's voice could not have any positive influence. In those situations, we saw that it was time to pull out. When we deemed it necessary, we left immediately; other times we felt it beneficial to stay until a desired activity was concluded, then slip quietly away.

We have encountered anti-family philosophies in a wide assortment of organizations, all claiming to be child-centered and family-oriented. As I have said before, the proof is in the pudding. I have learned not to be fooled by words; anyone can say anything they like. A very wise pastor once said that you can tell a wolf-in-sheep's-clothing by what he eats: wolves eat sheep. A wolf may disguise himself for a while, but sooner or later he has to eat a sheep -- it's what he does; it's what he is; he cannot change his nature.

I became justifiably suspicious when told by a leader that parents were not allowed to sit in with the group, even when it met in that parent's home. One leader pulled my child aside and coached the child, "You don't agree with your parents, do you!" I have confronted administrators, forcing them to admit that, although they did not approve of what their underlings were teaching to children and felt it was wrong to do so, they would not take any measures to correct the behavior. I have also met face-to-face with parents who were not aware of their own children's poor conduct, who thanked me for bringing it to their attention, and who took steps on the spot to reinstate the damaged relationship between our families.

I may sound rather cynical, but it is only because I have become cynical through misplaced trust. I now know (after more than a decade of homeschooling) that my children's parents are the best teachers for them, and my children realize this fact also. We have all been taught through the school of experience that no one's best intentions can replace the care and concern of family. If something about a group bothers you, consider that to be a red flag, and start looking around. As you screen things through your own "values filter," you may find it to have a simple solution. You may occasionally find a much larger can of worms, but you will be grateful in the end that you took the effort to look. Your child is at stake. The risk is too great to ignore.

Transcript Writing

2004-12-09T11:41:00.000-06:00

A transcript is basically a class-by-class listing of a student's high school career, the grades received, and the time period involved. A transcript is requested by college admission personnel to evaluate what college classes your student will be able to handle, whether your student is eligible for any academic scholarships, and generally what type of person they can expect your student to be. When a student has been homeschooled through high school, their classes have often been personally tailored to their own interests and may, therefore, lie outside traditional expectations.

First, let me say that no one's transcript comes down from Mount Sinai. Every transcript is produced by some human being on a computer or typewriter somewhere, so let that eliminate your first fear right here, right now. The same goes for homeschool diplomas: design your own or use a prepared template without guilt, because that is how all diplomas originate. College or job applications frequently ask if you have a high school diploma, and printing your own for a completed homeschool education will fulfill that requirement.

Writing a high school transcript is not a complicated exercise, but it does require a little preparation. If you have a homeschool student already in high school or one who will soon be in high school, begin writing their transcript now. At this point, you only need to keep a rough record of what subjects they are doing, the texts used, and any extra-curricular activities. Polishing this list into a finely-honed transcript will come later when they are preparing to apply to colleges or will need the transcript for job applications. A motivated student is capable of maintaining these records himself, but the point is to keep the records. Voice of Experience: One person's memory is a remarkably inefficient source when you suddenly find yourself typing up four years' worth of educational activities in one evening.

My children's high school classes did not follow a strict semester schedule or fall neatly into four 9-month blocks. I would suspect that many of you have students on the same, typical homeschool, non-scheduled "schedule." For that reason, we formatted our transcripts by listing the "Date Completed" for each class (month/year), instead of trying to establish artificial grade levels of 9th, 10th, 11th, and 12th. The course titles were then grouped together by subject (earliest first) and listed in an order that put recognizable subjects at the top of the list and digressed to the less-important, non-academic courses. Your students' transcripts should be individually tailored for their specific goals: a student planning to major in music at college should have a transcript which gives preference to musical training and performance; a student desiring a career in engineering should have a transcript which gives preference to math and science courses.

Because of the personal nature of home education, we did not send a simple one-page transcript to colleges. Think transcript "packet" here, because I am usually referring collectively to the entire packet, consisting of three documents: the Transcript itself (list of courses taken and grades received), Course Descriptions (brief explanations of the unusual courses and what texts were used), and Extra-Curricular Activities (covering group activities such as team sports or church youth group, and work experience -- both paid and voluntary).

Right now, while your student is still in high school, it is a valuable effort to keep track of every book read -- both factual and fiction, both for schoolwork and for pleasure reading. We included a "Literature Reading List" at the end of the Course Descriptions document, separated into American authors and foreign authors. This list was primarily works read during the last two years of high school, since that is primarily when public schools offer literature classes. Various forms of prose and poetry were covered, often referred to as "assorted works" by certain authors.

The many other books read during high school were grouped together and given course descriptions. My daughter read most of the "Uncle Eric" books by Richard Maybury, then grouped them to make courses called "Economics" (Whatever Happened to Penny Candy and The Clipper Ship Strategy) and "Introduction to Law" (The Thousand Year War in the Mideast, Ancient Rome--How It Affects You Today, and Whatever Happened to Justice?). Her dedication to a hobby of collecting antique clothing buttons became a course in art history, citing a reference book on buttons in art periods for the text. An assortment of Presidential biographies was awarded the course title "Introduction to Politics." My son's piano lessons counted for high school credit, as well as the time he spent teaching himself guitar and percussion.

When my daughter made the decision to take chemistry at our local community college (earning high school credit from me, plus the college credit), she quickly sped up the pace of her senior year of high school. Completing most of her homeschool work over the summer left her fall semester free for concentrating on the college class. When the spring semester rolled around, my daughter enrolled in English Composition I -- which was listed on her high school transcript as "English 5." Listing the "date completed" for high school courses de-emphasized the speed with which some courses were finished, since no starting date was included. Courses which may have required extra time were also hard to spot, since completion dates occurred in nearly every month.

Special notes on the transcript indicated that our credits were assigned on the same Carnegie standard used by most public schools and colleges. Asterisks denoted any course taken from the local college, and a note further explained that these courses were taken at the college, from college professors, with other college students. An advisor at the college encouraged me to make that notation on the transcripts I made up for my students, saying, "That is more impressive to us than a student who takes a college class at the high school, from a high school teacher, with other high school students. The classes may look identical, but the only thing they have in common is the textbook."

Some of you are very anxious about assigning grades on a high school transcript. I gave A's all the way down the line, and I did not feel guilty about it. Several years ago, I listened in as a dear friend was advising a fellow homeschool mom about preparing her daughter's transcript. The advisor was currently a teacher at the public middle school and acting as the family's supervising teacher for their homeschool. Her advice was to give nothing less than an A, because the work done by the homeschooled students was far superior to anything being required at the public school! Since that time, whenever I questioned my children's homeschool productivity, I looked for evidence of what was being accepted at the public institution, and I dismissed the guilt immediately.

Other goodies to include on the transcript are a graduation date, ACT or SAT score, social security number, address and phone number. The graduation date is an affirmation to the college admissions department that your child actually has completed high school. (We used the phrase "anticipated graduation date" when submitting the document for a scholarship application during my son's senior year.) College application forms usually ask for your graduation date, so pick one and print it on the diploma; ceremonies and celebrations are optional. Midwestern colleges prefer ACT test scores, while coastal schools seem to desire the SAT. Some colleges will accept the score on your say-so; others will only accept an official document sent to them directly from the testing organization. The student's name, address, telephone number, birthdate, and Social Security number need to be printed at the top of the first page for easy reference. Any subsequent pages should have the student's name and SSN reprinted at the top. A photograph of the student is also a good thing to include, although it is not always required. Include a line at the bottom of the transcript for your signature as the principal instructor for your homeschool and date the signature for authenticity.

The one thing about homeschooling through high school that tends to scare off most families is the thought of being accepted into college. Now you have the basic skill for conquering the transcript. A little creative thinking can turn even a seemingly mundane homeschool experience into a list of unique, custom-fit courses.

For further reference, see the book "And What About College?" by Cafi Cohen.

UPDATE: Home School Legal Defense Association is now offering record keeping services, including Transcripts, GPA calculation, report cards, etc -- suitable for state records or college applications. Go to the HSLDA website and look for PerX.

See Sample Transcript & Diploma for examples.

If You Have Children, You DO Homeschool

2004-12-03T13:17:00.000-06:00

During my daughter's last year in public school (4th grade), we were already homeschooling, but we just did not realize it at the time. Recognizing how much I was already teaching her at home made our decision to homeschool much easier.

She had difficulty keeping her mind on the subject at hand and often daydreamed in class when she should have been working on assignments, so I worked with her at home after school to improve her focus. Many concepts that the public school teacher tried to teach were just not grasped by my daughter, so I explained them in as many different ways as I could think of until she understood. It felt really good to be able to impart confidence to my daughter for the things I was teaching her. She did not get personal feedback in the classroom, and that was something she truly needed to keep her going.

It finally became clear to me that I was becoming the primary teacher in my daughter's education. The teacher at school handed out the assignments, but her attempts at instruction simply were not successful with my child. More and more often, my daughter came home seeking my confirmation of a lesson from school, and many times the lessons were very confusing. The school did not allow students to take textbooks home; for some subjects they did not even have textbooks. Once in a while the concept learned at school was just plain wrong. (There is no polite way to phrase it: wrong is wrong.) The frustration level soared dramatically as I attempted to teach my daughter at home in late afternoons and evenings (when she was tired and I was busy preparing a meal) without benefit of curriculum. Many parents go through this scenario to a greater or lesser degree -- Junior needs help, parent tries to help, success is debatable.

Parents, I would like you to reflect for a moment on all the things that you do successfully teach your children. You have probably already read my soapbox speech on how you taught your children to walk, to talk, to dress themselves, to feed themselves, and how to do a myriad of other tasks before they were considered old enough for "formal education." You imparted all of that knowledge without the aid of printed textbooks, charts, diagrams, or other visual aids. Now I want to look deeper into the realm of what you teach at home without even trying hard. Your children learn their greatest lessons in life just from observing the everyday routines of their parents and other family members.

Language (including choice of slang words), fashion consciousness, manners, the value of money, person-to-person relationships, the importance of extended family members, community involvement, religion, politics, prejudices -- these are only the tip of the proverbial iceberg of lessons learned at home. Have your children learned to do their own laundry, have they learned to think of others by sharing in the family laundry task, or have they learned to expect someone else to provide them with clean clothing? Apply the same line of questioning to mealtime -- is Mom expected to perform all facets of food preparation and clean-up, do family members help Mom, or is it "every man for himself"? Look around your house right now: are there articles of clothing scattered about, draped over every chair; newspapers lying on the floor next to an endless array of toys, game pieces, and miniature cars; or is every room absolutely spotless, not a speck of dust, and no single article out of place? Remember, this is not a spot inspection of your housekeeping ability -- this is your personal, private, in-depth analysis of what and how you teach your children.

I am the only member of my extended family who has chosen to homeschool, but I am not the only one who teaches her children. Some children learn that a parent's career is much more important than the children's needs. Some children learn that volunteering in the church/community has a much higher priority than spending time with family. Some children are taught to expect the television to be their constant companion and the basis of all their values. Some children are never taught how to entertain themselves without the use of electronic media. These may not be the lessons that parents desire their children to learn, but it may be what they are teaching.

If you are spending every evening with your child, helping him with his school assignments, you might want to consider the benefits of homeschooling. You could continue to do the same amount of teaching, but you could choose when to do the lessons -- ideally, choosing times when you are both fresh and not at the end of very frustrating days. You and your child could also decide together what other subject areas would be interesting to explore and how you would like to investigate them. If you have children, you are already homeschooling. You may not be the one teaching long division, world history, or grammatical sentence structure, but you are teaching.

Ignorance Is Not Forever

2004-12-02T10:11:00.000-06:00

There are some things that I just take too personally. For instance, I recently heard about a woman whose now-adult son had been diagnosed as "Learning Disabled" all through his public school education. Despite her protests, despite her insistence on closer examination of the problem, he was dumped into LD classes and left there.

The root of the problem was that, as a boy, he had never learned to read. No teacher had ever taken the time to investigate why he had difficulty in class. Teachers repeatedly tested him year after year, always with the same result: he was at grade level and should be moved on to the next grade. When Mom's persistence succeeded in inquiring as to how he was being tested (since the results strongly contradicted his at-home behavior), the current teacher confessed that her tests had been given to him orally. "He has so much trouble... it's just easier to read it to him... reading it to him keeps him from becoming frustrated... "

Now the boy is an adult, and the scene is being repeated with his child. The mom/grandmother is concerned that this time will have the same undesirable result. She was inquiring about homeschooling, probably wondering if it could rescue her grandchild, and whether it is too late for her son. As a former student of poor teachers myself and as the parent of a student whose early education was similarly neglected, I know first-hand some of the frustration these people are going through. Therefore, I tend to take these stories personally, flashing back to my own bad experiences. I find myself offended when students are purposely neglected, parents are intentionally ignored or pacified, and we are all expected to believe that this public education system is something sacred that should not be questioned. As Dorothy was instructed by The Great and Powerful Oz, we also are advised to "Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain."
If I were to purchase a car and drive it until it ran out of gas, would anyone think I was justified in calling the junkyard to come and get it because it no longer ran? Hardly! I would be laughed at as the new village idiot. Even a child could tell me I only need to buy more gasoline to make my car work. Yet, here we have a car (student) which has used up its supply of fuel (knowledge) and cannot proceed without more. However, rather than simply adding more fuel (knowledge) to the car (student), the chosen method of propulsion is to push the car manually to the next block (grade level) instead of enabling it to move under its own power.

Is it so difficult to teach a child to read? I did not think it was when I taught my children to read. Millions of children throughout history have been successfully taught to read, whether by "professional educators" or by their very own parents. Yet, we have here the unfortunate account of professionals too baffled by their own system to diagnose (correctly) a child who had not learned to read. This problem is easily remedied through homeschooling -- avoid the "professionals" altogether and do it yourself, one on one. It is not too late for the man in the story above -- he can still learn to read with an intensive phonics program and the assistance of a caring friend or family member, and he will probably learn this much more quickly as an adult than he would have as a child. Illiterate adults have conquered reading in as little as 3 weeks. His child should also be taught intensive phonics to avoid a repeat of his tragic scenario.

I once tried to discuss phonics-based reading programs with some local professional elementary educators, only to discover that we had words in common, but meant different things by them. They sincerely believed that using a few starting-letter sounds and contextual hints made their program "phonics." Buzzwords, such as "decoding," were used to lull curious parents into thinking their children were learning to break down words into syllables and letter patterns. Creative writing exercises were required of students who had not even conquered handwriting, again to persuade the unsuspecting parents that their children had a reasonable grasp of the reading-writing connection.

The evidence that reading has not been learned phonetically will show itself in the inability to spell. A person who understands how to break down a word into syllables will repeat those syllable-patterns when trying to spell a word. Fluent reading ability will also prove itself in composition: elegant sentence structure is easily mimicked. If you are reading good sentences, you will be able to write good sentences. A person who cannot read will not be able to spell consistently. A person who does not consume quality reading material will not be able to write well.

Perhaps I should pity the educational system that is pawning off such methods to future generations of teachers. I see it as a prime example of "the blind leading the blind" -- those who do not understand are trying to give understanding to others. The contemporary axiom, "Ignorance can be fixed; stupid is forever," has been altered: ignorance is no longer seen by them as being fixable. I am here to testify that ignorance is not a life sentence: ignorance is simply a lack of knowledge. Once a person has been taught the skill of reading, a world full of knowledge is there for the taking.

People LIVE in this House

2004-11-19T08:45:00.000-06:00

I went to a party once in a furniture store. Actually, it was held in the brand-new home of a young couple who had just recently married. I was visiting a friend of theirs and attended as her guest, so I do not know much about the hosts themselves, except that they were obviously not hurting financially. The one thing I do remember clearly from this evening was the extremely sterile feeling of the house. I would call it a "home," but that implies an entirely different feeling from calling it a "house," which is what it was. It was a house where this couple lived, but it did not feel like a home. It looked as though someone had walked into a very large furniture store and said, "I'll take one of each, all in the same style, please."

The living room furniture matched the dining room furniture, which matched the family room furniture, which matched the kitchen furniture. You can use your imagination to figure out what the rest of the place looked like. Every piece in every room was an exact complement to every other piece in every other room. Although it looked nice, it did not have a feeling of "family." There were no hand-me-downs, no family treasures, no heritage. No doilies crocheted by Great Aunt What's-her-name, no sepia-tinted photos of ancient, unnamed ancestors, no chipped fruit bowl.

At first glance, I was envious, dreaming what it must be like to have everything new, not handed down family cast-offs. However, the longer I remained in the house, the closer I was able to see everything. There were no scratches, no water-rings, no dents or marks on anything. It began to feel alien. The realization of "family" came over me as I thought about my own home with Grandma's rocking chair, Grandpa's nightstand, and the mirror Mom was tricked into buying at a farm auction. I have hand-me-downs galore. I have family. Grandpa helped my son build the birdhouse in the backyard. Grandma gave us the dishes in the cupboard; the cupboard was given to us by my brother-in-law. Almost everything in my house bears a scratch, a dent, or some other mark giving a hint to its life story.

The furniture in my house is not always easy to see. It is often at least partially hidden under books, papers, an occasional article of clothing, or a bowl holding a half-dozen popcorn kernels. The dog feels much more secure knowing that a chew toy is within easy reach at any point in his realm, so my efforts to corral them into a basket behind the end table are usually thwarted by his scampering/scattering ritual. In other words, people live in this house.

We do not go out the door promptly at 7:30am each day, abandoning our home to remain lonely, but in perfect order, for the greater part of the day. A family lives here. A homeschooling family lives here -- a family that reads books and occasionally eats in front of the television set in the living room. We often leave video tapes piled near the TV -- with their cases strewn about elsewhere. At the moment, a throw pillow has been thrown onto the floor and remains there. The dining room table is barely recognizable under a recent art project, a three-ring binder, assorted papers, index cards, and pizza coupons. The dog is lying serenely beside me with his squeaky bunny and teddy bear close enough for a quick game of shake and growl. A family lives here.

It is not at all unusual to find dishes in my sink -- dirty ones. The dish drainer is frequently found sitting full of clean, but unshelved, dishes. Laundry can sit undone, bathrooms can remain uncleaned, and the whole place is often cluttered. Do not mistake my meaning: I do not think of myself as a poor housekeeper, but people live in this house. I could (try to) keep my house as clean and uncluttered as a magazine layout, but no one would enjoy spending time here. I could grab the dishes out from under you as soon as a meal was finished and whisk them back into the cupboards in sparkling condition, but it would remove a great deal of the peace from dinnertime. Speaking of magazine layouts, have you ever looked closely at some of those photo-spreads? No world exists outside their windows -- most likely because the fake window is set up as part of a fake room inside a photo studio full of other fake things (fake plants, fake food, fake world).

I accept the fact that people live here. I do not chase them around with the vacuum cleaner, and I do not make them wait to use the bathroom until I have re-cleaned it following its use by a guest. (Someone actually did that to me once -- I was pregnant at the time, and I nearly caused there to be more to clean than just the stool and sink.) My home is clean, though often cluttered. My home is clean, but never sterile. People live in this house, and I want them to know that they are infinitely more important to me than my house is.

POST SCRIPT
Consider the wisdom in Proverbs 14:4, shown here in several translations for clarity.
"Where no oxen are, the manger is clean, but much increase comes by the strength of the ox." (New American Standard Bible)
"Where there are no oxen, the manger is empty, but from the strength of an ox comes an abundant harvest." (New International Version)
"An empty stable stays clean, but no income comes from an empty stable." (New Living Translation)
A house without a family may stay cleaner than a home full of children, family, and friends, but where is the fun in that? -- Guilt-Free Homeschooling paraphrase of Proverbs 14:4

Discouraging Families

2004-11-16T13:15:00.000-06:00

Oh, give me a home where the school is my own,
Where the students are my own children,
Where seldom is heard a discouraging word
From my relatives, neighbors, and friends.

Is it really possible to have family members who fully support your desire to homeschool? I do not know. Maybe it is possible -- if they already homeschool, too.

Most of the people reading this article are searching for some hope, some light at the end of the tunnel. You are feeling outcast, weighed down under the persecution of loved ones who just do not understand your desire to educate your children in the way you see as best. My words of encouragement may seem insufficient at this point, but I strongly urge you to "Hang in there!" It is rare for relatives to remain devoutly anti-homeschooling for a long time. Usually, family members who see you and your children with any frequency will soon begin to notice positive differences between your children and the average government-schooled children and will begin to alter their attitudes accordingly. However, there may be cases where you will need to limit your time with certain friends or relatives, steering the topics of conversation to less flammable areas, such as politics, money, or religion.

When we decided to homeschool, we only told our parents. We let them tell our siblings. Yes, it was the coward's way out, but you probably did something just as spineless. My sister told Mom that my children would turn out "weird." Using my nieces and nephews for the "normal" standard, my children are very weird. Using my standard for "normal," my nieces and nephews are the weird ones. It did take a few years for everyone to "come around," but now they all accept our homeschooling efforts -- a few relatives even applaud us.

From my own experience, I can say that my children were the best "salesmen" for convincing our reluctant relatives. When we made our appearance at the family holiday dinners, even the most adamant aunts and uncles had to admit that my children did not have antennae sprouting from their heads. My offspring were able to converse intelligently with the adults, relating fantastic details of our latest field trip or interesting experiment, while their non-homeschooled cousins hid in the far reaches of the house, silently transfixed by video games and only grunting monosyllabic responses to any attempts at conversation.

When we were questioned about the schoolwork we were doing, I let my children answer as often as possible. They were perfectly capable of speech; why not let them gain a little experience at being interviewed? My husband and I were always close by to supplement the answer, if needed, but usually our children were able to give competent, first-hand testimony of exactly what they were learning. My son's favorite question was always, "What grade are you in now?" to which he would smugly respond, "In which subject?" followed by a rapid-fire dissertation of each subject and his corresponding grade level, emphasizing the subjects in which he was ahead of his peers.

When confronted by a nosy, know-it-all friend/neighbor/relative, I was ready with knowledge of the legal requirements for homeschooling in our state and an account of how we were meeting those requirements. (Find the legal specifics for your state at http://www.hslda.org/.) I have yet to meet a parent utilizing the public school system who knew anything about the state's laws pertaining to education. They usually changed the subject on me once they realized that I probably knew more about their children's education than they did.

I explained what we were doing for our children's education. I answered all the (reasonable/legitimate) questions that were fired at us. I knew legal requirements and facts, and I could throw in a few well-placed statistics for good measure. I tried to avoid arguing (not always easy for me), focusing my responses around, "This is what we are doing; you may do what you want to do." I defended our position, but I learned not to try to recruit. When someone had specific questions about getting into homeschooling (which always seemed to be "for a friend"), they would seek us out, often in a secluded corner and speaking in hushed tones for fear of discovery. (To date, none of our extended family has tried homeschooling.)

A fellow homeschooling mom once told me about her experience at Grandma's house for Thanksgiving dinner. When the meal was over, her children cleared their own dishes from the table and began filling the sink for the clean-up process. Her non-homeschooling siblings accused her of bribing the children ahead of time to do this chore "just to make the rest of us look bad!" Despite insistence that this was the children's customary routine at home, the offended relatives would not be persuaded.

If you are facing non-supportive family members at this time, the most encouragement I can offer you is my own affirmation that "time will tell." Find out for yourself exactly what the legalities of home education are in your state, comply with them, and then stand your ground, knowing that you are doing your best to educate your children and that homeschooling will prove itself. Walk away from arguments when necessary, and walk away from potential guilt feelings at the same time. Remember the old folk adage, "the proof is in the pudding" -- each individual ingredient may not be tasty by itself, but when combined in proper proportions, the result is delicious. Application to homeschooling: any one lesson or subject may not make a great difference by itself, but over time, your homeschool lessons will combine to make your students into wonderful people. You still may hear occasional grumblings from outsiders, but be assured that those are probably based in jealousy.

You and I Drive Different Cars

2004-11-12T11:37:00.000-06:00

"What kind of car do you drive?" What kind of car do I drive? But I was asking You about why the world needs so many different churches... I don't understand. "What kind of car do you drive?" Oh! Now I get it!

The dialogue occurred one day during a brief quiet time with God. I have been reminded of it in many situations since that time. You and I attend different churches. You and I utilize different homeschooling methods. You and I allow our children to be involved in different activities. You and I drive different cars.

Power windows, power locks, manual transmission, 4-wheel drive, power steering, leather seats, heated seats, DVD player, cup holders, luggage rack, dual gas tanks, automatic headlights. Some features may be luxuries; some features may be necessities. What may be a luxury in my life may be a necessity in your life. You and I drive different cars.

Perhaps I should feel guilty that I drive a minivan, because there are now rarely more than 3 people occupying it. But I know that the rest of the space is often used for hauling cargo: 1 or 2 guitars, my electric bass, my son's djembe drum, my daughter's clean laundry, and the furniture and household items as a child moves to or from college or apartment. Perhaps you have been criticized for driving a "gas-guzzling" SUV, but your critics do not stop to consider that few vehicles are equipped to carry your entire family of 10. You and I drive different cars.

Sometimes my "necessities" have shifted, depending on life's circumstances. At one time, my children eagerly participated in "youth" events. At other times, we have avoided such groups like the plague. The deciding factors related to our family's values: is this event family-friendly; does the sponsoring group try to usurp parental authority; do my children's attitudes undergo a negative change when they are involved with this activity? Does this "car" have the features I really need?

Just because something is a priority for me does not mean it has to be a priority for you. As long as we are all moving forward in our chosen directions, we should not put ourselves under the unnecessary guilt of traveling at the exact same speed as others or with all the exact same baggage. You and I have both chosen to homeschool, and we both easily recognize the ways that make us different from those who do not homeschool. What is not so easily recognizable is how we are different from each other. You may not want to use all the same methods with your children that I use with my children, but that in itself does not make either of us "wrong." It simply means that each of us can see what needs our families have, and you and I are each doing our best to meet those needs. Guilt-Free Homeschooling is achieved by recognizing that you and I drive different cars.

Any Dead Fish Can Float Downstream

2004-11-03T15:46:00.000-06:00

I love the T-shirt that says, "Any dead fish can float downstream -- Go against the flow!" It shows a simple, little Christian fish-symbol pointing in the opposite direction from a slew of ugly, decaying fish and fish skeletons that are being swept along in a stream of muck-water. That pretty much sums up my faith: I am willing to swim upstream against the strong tide of contemporary thought, because it means life to me instead of death. It is usually much easier to go along with the crowd mentality, but doing so contradicts everything that I stand for and believe in.

Homeschooling can be seen as a similar undertaking: homeschoolers often feel they are swimming upstream against all the counsel of their peers. Deciding to educate your children at home may not be an easy choice for you to make. It may prompt a very dramatic change to your family's lifestyle. You may find yourselves surrounded by friends and relatives who think you have suddenly gone insane and feel it is their duty to remind you of that fact on a regular basis. You may choose to give up certain worldly luxuries in order to reprioritize your lives, focusing your efforts on giving your children what you believe to be the best educational option available.

If you find yourselves in such a situation of "going against the flow," take courage. Reflect on your reasons for choosing to educate your children yourselves. Then close your ears to the negative propaganda bombarding your family, and stand firm. Know that even if you feel you are not swimming upstream, you can at least hold your ground and not be swept downstream. Staying in one place for a time assures that you are not losing ground, and enables you to build up the strength and courage to move forward eventually.

Deciding to homeschool often means deciding to do what you can to change your corner of the world. It takes a courageous person, someone with the strength to stand up for their convictions, someone unwilling to follow the rest of the lemmings, someone daring enough and bold enough to say, "I've had enough. Let me do it my way now." You may encounter much resistance, many dead fish floating downstream, obstructing your way and hindering your progress. Be patient, be brave, be encouraged -- you are beginning the adventure of a lifetime, one that your children's destiny depends upon. Go against the flow -- you will not regret it.

Start Homeschooling for One Reason, but Continue for Another

2004-10-28T09:29:00.000-05:00

The "last straw" that finally convinced us to begin homeschooling was hearing homeschool advocate Gregg Harris on a local talk-radio program. He was promoting an upcoming seminar (which my husband and I quickly made arrangements to attend) and was giving myriad reasons why a growing number of families were choosing to educate their children at home.

The seemingly trivial reasons that actually caught my attention dealt with the hassles caused by public school's time schedules. We had found that public school activities and programs frequently kept our children up past their bedtimes, causing them to be difficult to start off again the next morning. Mr. Harris touched on the rush to get up, get dressed, eat breakfast, and get to school on time -- a continual struggle at our house. He light-heartedly mentioned that homeschooling removes all those rush-rush problems: if you find yourselves up too late at night, sleep in a little the next day, and then begin school on your own timetable. School lunches would no longer be offensive to picky eaters: Mom's cooking would always be readily available. Homework would also disappear as an after-school trauma: enough time could be allotted during each subject to do all the work necessary for the day's lesson. I found myself much more interested in homeschooling after hearing just a few of these statements by Mr. Harris, reasons that I had not personally considered before.

For many years we had known families who homeschooled. We met the first ones when our daughter was a year old. We currently had several families in our church who homeschooled, making no lack of people to turn to for support and encouragement. I had never considered homeschooling as an option for us until this point, when, suddenly, homeschooling looked like the solution to many of the problems plaguing our household.

The primary reasons for homeschooling that we gave to family and friends were health-related. They all knew that our daughter had been plagued by tremendous headaches for several years and sympathized with our need to make a drastic lifestyle change for her sake. She often could not endure an entire day at school: once her headache became intense, the noise of the classroom was intolerable and she needed to come home for relief. She was always able to do some subjects without difficulty, but others critically depended on her ability to concentrate. We had been to doctor after doctor, endured all sorts of tests, tried a variety of medicines (to no avail), and fought ten rounds with the schools over attendance policies (even though her grades never lagged). We even changed from one public school to another in an attempt to find an administration that would listen to us and help us cope. When the school nurse declared that a child who did not run a temperature or vomit was not actually "sick," we knew we had finally reached the end of that rope. Something drastic had to happen. Homeschooling provided an ideal solution: our daughter could do schoolwork during the hours when she felt well, and she could lie down to rest when she felt ill without conflicting with anyone. She could do the easy subjects any day and save the harder subjects for the days when her head could tolerate intense concentration. (Along with our adaptation to homeschooling came a change in diet, prompted by much research into the various probable causes of headaches, resulting in success in controlling her headaches and other related symptoms.)

As our first year of homeschooling passed and we began our second year, we became more enthusiastic about learning at home. We were shaking off most of the public school trappings of schedules and preconceived ideas of what certain academic subjects should resemble. We were becoming independent in our homeschooling. We attended field trips, play days, and family potlucks with other homeschoolers. We took days off to have spontaneous family days with Dad. We drew closer as a family unit; we enjoyed each other's company. We began to see other, deeper reasons for homeschooling.

I had read about people who said they homeschooled for "religious reasons." I was not sure I understood that at the time, thinking they must be much more radical in their faith than I was, but now I was beginning to see their point of view. Public school had a very anti-family overtone to it that was not voiced aloud, just understood: they were the professional educators; we could not possibly pass anything of importance on to our children. Personal Christian values were pushed aside at public school, even by teachers who were themselves faithful, believing Christians. By homeschooling, we could make our beliefs the most important aspect anytime, all the time, if we wanted. We could ignore the witches and hobgoblins of Halloween. We could be truly thankful for God's blessings at Thanksgiving. We could take time to celebrate "Christmas," and not "Winter Break." We could sing songs with their original words and not the carefully rewritten, politically correct lyrics we were so often forced to endure in public school programs.

Although we had begun homeschooling for the reasons of caring for our daughter's health and adapting family-friendly scheduling, we soon began to realize that our Christian faith played a dramatic part in our reasons to continue homeschooling. We thoroughly enjoyed being able to concentrate on creation science and point out the difficulties with evolutionary theories. We could count Christian fiction as literature, not just as pleasure reading material only to be indulged in during one's private hours. We designated a large block of time each day to Mom reading aloud from Christian books -- a huge children's book of Bible stories, the Chronicles of Narnia series, the Little House series, Frank Peretti's Cooper Kids series, and many others. We discussed our faith, what made it important to us, and how we saw it being strengthened through homeschooling. We could tie in scripture to any subject where we saw an application, without fearing that we might offend another student or violate an administrative policy. We sadly watched public school friends become increasingly influenced by peer pressure in all areas of their lives, including Christians who made choices contrary to their faith.

We made the decision to homeschool based on one set of reasons, primarily health related. We continued our decision to homeschool based on another set of reasons, primarily the freedom to practice our chosen religion in every facet of our lives.